


Out of Hatred

by blankaad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 42,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankaad/pseuds/blankaad
Summary: Pansy Parkinson hates everyone. Well… Almost everyone. When she notices Draco Malfoy is hiding something, she decides to find out what, no matter the cost. Hogwarts, 6th year
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 28





	1. The Train

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone. 

And what was even worse – she only realised it during her fifth year at Hogwarts. She wasn’t surprised when anger overcame her once she’d heard that Potter and his gang managed not to suffer any consequences of their activity in Dumbledore’s Army. What did surprise her was this… satisfaction that she felt after what had happened to Umbridge. After all, as an honorary member of the Inquisitorial Squad, she would’ve expected something entirely different. And yet, she hated her too. It was only then that she started to really think it all over. She wasn’t the person she thought she was. 

Since her first year at Hogwarts, she was trying to impress Draco Malfoy, and after watching him for a short while, she came to the simple conclusion – the best way to do so was to act like him. So, she started taunting people. What gave her immense satisfaction was mocking her childhood friend, Parvati Patil, who started ignoring her as soon as they got into Hogwarts. But back then, she didn’t know why. 

But now she knew – she just hated everyone. It didn’t matter if they were ‘the good ones’ or ‘the bad ones’ or even those neutral ones. She couldn’t stand them all. Neville Longbottom? A complete loser. Luna Lovegood? More like Loony. Ron Weasley? Thinks he’s cool because he’s friends with Potter. Hermione Granger? Insufferable know-it-all. Not to mention a mudblood. Harry Potter? How the hell can someone be so ignorant, yet still get to be the hero? Every goddamn time?

But it wasn’t the end of her list. Well, technically, it didn’t end at all, but she was quite surprised when she figured out she hated a handful of Slytherins as well. She couldn’t look at Crabbe and Goyle without feeling sick. And every time she as much as glanced at Milicent Bulstrode, she found it almost impossible to resist the urge of punching her in the face. But that wouldn’t have ended well for her, and sadly, she was aware of that. 

Did she have any specific reason? No. She just hated them all.  
There were only three people she tolerated. One of them was Blaise Zabini. She liked him mainly because he was the only person with whom she could sit in silence without feeling uncomfortable. And with his snarky comments, he was probably the only creature in the entire universe who could shut Draco up, which was – to say the least – extremely impressive. Another person was Theodore Nott who just wasn’t that irritating, and a fact he was a loner, somehow lifted her spirits. Sure, he made wrong jokes at the worst of times, but somehow she didn’t find it so annoying.

And, of course, the worst of them all, the Slytherin prince himself. In some ways, she hated him too – or rather, wanted to hate him – but it was different, not like with the rest of humanity. He was the only one who actually took the time to understand her and treat her like a normal human being. 

He was lying next to her, his head in her lap while she was gently stroking his hair. She actually forgot about the hatred for a second, before Zabini came back and created a commotion, just because the door wouldn’t close. He fell on Goyle, which must have been a final blow to his ego of abnormal size. 

‘So, Zabini,’ said Malfoy after the commotion finally settled, ‘what did Slughorn want?’

‘Just trying to make up to well-connected people,’ replied Zabini, apparently trying to get on Draco’s nerves. Again. It was painfully obvious he was trying to highlight the fact that Malfoy was _not_ invited. 

‘Not that he managed to find many’ he added. 

‘Who else had he invited?’ asked Malfoy blankly, while Pansy was still stroking his hair as if she couldn’t stop. She was doing it automatically. 

‘McLaggen from Gryffindor –’

‘Oh yeah, his uncle’s big in the Ministry.’

‘ – someone else called Belby, from Ravenclaw –’

‘Not him, he’s a prat!’ snickered Pansy.

‘ – and Longbottom, Potter, and that Weasley girl,’ finished Zabini. 

Draco sat up very suddenly, knocking Pansy’s hand aside. 

‘He invited Longbottom?’ he asked, not trying to hide his annoyance anymore. 

‘Well, I assume so, as Longbottom was there,’ replied Blaise indifferently, although Pansy knew that he actually enjoyed infuriating Draco. 

‘What’s Longbottom got to interest Slughorn?’ 

Zabini just shrugged but didn’t say anything. 

‘Potter, precious Potter, obviously he wanted a look at “the Chosen One”,’ sneered Draco a moment later, ‘but that Weasley girl! What’s so special about her?’

‘Well…’ said Pansy, watching Draco closely for his reaction, ‘a lot of boys like her. Even you think she’s good-looking, don’t you Blaise, and we all know how hard you are to please!’

Zabini smirked for a short moment, but then snarled, ‘I wouldn’t touch a filthy little blood traitor like her, whatever she looked like.’

And although she knew it wasn’t entirely true, she was quite pleased with the answer. Malfoy sank back across her lap and allowed her to resume the stroking of his hair. 

‘Well, I pity Slughorn’s taste,’ he spoke up after a moment. ‘Maybe he’s going a bit senile. Shame, my father always said he was a good wizard in his day. My father used to be a bit of a favourite of his. Slughorn probably hasn’t heard I’m on the train, or –’

‘I wouldn’t bank on an invitation,’ Zabini interrupted. ‘He asked me about Nott’s father when I first arrived. They used to be old friends, apparently, but when he heard he'd been caught at the Ministry, he didn’t look happy. And Nott didn’t get an invitation, did he? I don’t think Slughorn’s interested in Death Eaters.’

She felt how Draco tensed up, but he let out a singularly humourless laugh. 

‘Well, who cared what he’s interested in? What is he, when you come down to it? Just some stupid teacher,’ he yawned ostentatiously. ‘I mean, I might not even be at Hogwarts next year, what’s it matter to me if some fat old has-been likes me or not?’

Pansy thought for a second that she’d misheard. She ceased grooming his hair at once. 

‘What do you mean, you might not be at Hogwarts next year?’ she asked slowly, minding her trembling voice so that it wouldn’t give her away too much. 

‘Well, you never know,’ Draco said with a delicate smirk. ‘I might have – er – moved on to bigger and better things.’

Pansy realised that she had stopped breathing. She shared a quick knowing and terrified look with Blaise, but Malfoy didn’t seem to notice. 

‘Do you mean – Him?’ Parkinson asked carefully. She thought that her heart might just jump out of her chest at any moment. An uncomfortable silence hung over them. 

Draco just shrugged. 

‘Mother wants me to complete my education, but personally, I don’t see it as that important these days. I mean, think about it… When the Dark Lord takes over, is he going to care how many O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s anyone’s got? Of course he isn’t. It’ll be all about the kind of service he received, the level of devotion he was shown.’

Blaise and Pansy shared uncertain looks again. 

‘And you think you’ll be able to do something for him?’ asked Zabini scathingly. ‘Sixteen years old and not even fully qualified yet?’

‘I’ve just said, haven’t I? Maybe he doesn’t care if I’m qualified. Maybe the job he wants me to do isn’t something that you need to be qualified for,’ said Draco quietly, leaving Pansy petrified. 

What did he mean? After all she’s done for him – from taking care of him when he was injured in the third grade to always being on his side – he’s saying he’s not coming back for the seventh year? She was almost sure everything was going according to her plan – in the fourth year they went to the Yule Ball together, and last year they spent a lot of time with each other performing their duties as prefects. And now he was laying on her lap. 

She was furious but didn’t flinch. During the holidays she decided that if she hated everyone apart from three people – those people were going to be the only ones she was going to interact with. But apparently, there was something wrong with Draco, he was different. He seemed to have become more… mysterious? Or maybe reserved. She knew he wasn’t telling them something, he acted almost as if he wanted to boast about it but couldn’t. He mentioned serving the Dark Lord but wasn’t straightforward, and he didn’t give away any specifics. And at the same time, he looked worried, which made her really anxious. 

‘ _Well, that’s quite enough_ ,’ she told herself when he dismissed her. She just wanted to wait for him, try to talk. Very well, if he doesn’t want to say anything, she’s going to find out what’s going on, on her own. Nothing will hide from Pansy Parkinson. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just to let you know, English is not my first language, so if you notice any mistakes, please let me know so I can correct them! This is also my first fanfiction because I usually write different things but I had fun with this one and I hope you like it.


	2. The Obsession

Pansy Parkinson has had enough. She would've never thought that finding out what Draco was up to, could be that difficult. She tried talking to him, countless times, but he kept repeating that Hogwarts is a joke and that he has better things to do now. He even started avoiding her, which infuriated her even more. She wondered whether someone actually might've given him some... task. But that was ridiculous! And not-at-all possible. He was just sixteen… Besides, what could Draco possibly do for him? Zabini was right, he wasn't even fully qualified.

Pansy decided that one of the best ways to check if he thought about dropping out of school seriously, was monitoring his grades. He was one of the best, after all, and even if he never succeeded in besting Granger, he was always counting on it.

Pansy's already figured out a plan, maybe not the very best one, but it was still something. Apart from grades, she had to observe his behaviour as well. He already seemed a little off, especially since he was ignoring his Slytherin friends. But if he started ignoring Potter and his gang – now, that would mean trouble. Even though she hasn't noticed anything yet, she was terrified that he would stop teasing them, and that would mean that whatever task he got, it was making him… depressed? She couldn't find a proper word for it, but that might've been one of her fears.

They were eating dinner in the Great Hall but Parkinson, lost in thought, barely touched her food. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the blonde boy sitting next to her until he stood up rather hastily and ran out of the hall. She didn't even try to hide her great surprise.

'You really have to stop this obsession, Parkinson,' she heard a soft voice next to her.

She turned around and looked at the tall, pale figure of Theodore Nott with great anger.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

He was looking at her challengingly with his greyish eyes.

'I know what you're doing. But you're better off not knowing. You really don't want to dig deeper,' he explained calmly.

That only made her more furious.

'Well, it's really none of your business, is it, Nott?'

He just smirked slightly and shook his head, letting his hair get into his eyes.

'Trust me, Pansy –'

'Wait, are you telling me that you know what's going on?' she asked, ignoring whatever he was trying to say.

He frowned.

'You really, really don't want to know,' he sighed finally, and headed for the door, leaving his plate full.

With anger, she stuck her fork into the meat. Fine. If they don't want to tell her, then no. She'll find out herself. But – to her content – they already made a mistake. If Theo knows, it's going to be a lot easier figuring this out because, well, two people leave much more trace than one person does.

Then, she noticed that a handful of people were coming into the Great Hall. Her gaze promptly fell onto the dark-skinned boy.

'Hey, Zabini!' she called out to him as soon as he made his way to the Slytherin table. He sat right next to her.

'What's up?' he asked blandly, although she knew perfectly well he didn't really care for a response.

'What's with Nott? He appears to have stolen your boyfriend,' she noticed with a dose of irony, which made Blaise snort.

'Well, our princess has abandoned her gang and came back to an old friend. I don't see why there would be anything wrong with that,' he shrugged but was pierced with Pansy's speculative glare.

'You're also an old friend.'

He looked at her with uncertainty. 'You think they're up to something?'

'I don't think so. I know so.'

He smirked with scepticism.

She didn't say anything more. She walked out of the Great Hall, heading straight for the dormitory. Firstly, and most importantly, she needed to be absolutely sure if Draco had joined the Death Eaters. As essential to her investigation as it was, she knew it wasn't going to be easy. Even if on his left forearm was, in fact, the Dark Mark, he wouldn't just show it around. He might act like he was proud of it, but there was more to it, and she sensed it. She was sure he'd already concealed it somehow. Besides, he couldn't risk it for Potter to see it. Or anyone else, for that matter. So it was clear to her that she had to get a little creative – she wasn't going to see it with her own eyes. She had to make him act the way that would prove that he had the Mark. Whatever he was planning – he would be extra careful about it. He might have been a provoker but not once, was he reckless. Well, apart from the Hippogriff accident, obviously.

Nevertheless, he needed help. He might not have asked for it or even rejected it, but he was going to need it, whether he liked it or not. The proof was the fact that Nott let in on it. Draco mentioned that the task doesn't require any qualifications. So either it was more complicated than he'd previously thought or he needed someone to help him with clarity and mental ability. And who would be better than Nott whose father was a Death Eater? Not only would he understand him, but also advise him as he wasn't dim-witted – like Crabbe and Goyle for example. Besides, they were childhood friends, so Draco could probably talk about it without resistance.

She was walking down to the dungeons when she met Malfoy, who was pacing about the corridor. He was looking around suspiciously, stopping abruptly every five seconds. Pansy frowned and immediately decided to act.

She came up to him. She wasn't sure if she was doing it out of anger – because he kept something from her – or maybe because she saw that something was wrong. And she just wanted to help. The second option wasn't very appealing to her, especially since she hated everyone. She was also a Slytherin and wasn't a bloody Hufflepuff, who might be eager to help out of the goodness of heart. But she saw that something had changed, ever since the beginning of the year – he returned less determined, quieter, melancholic and maybe even… Sad?

Even though she was standing right in front of him, he only noticed her after a few seconds. He looked at her as if he saw her for the first time in his life.

'What are you doing here?' he blurted out and she just raised her eyebrows, staring pointedly behind him.

'We've got a dormitory here, remember?' she replied, pointing at the door.

'Right,' he chuckled nervously, clearly bemused.

He was averting her gaze, looking all around the corridor. As if he was searching for something – maybe a way out.

'Hey, is something wrong?' she asked attentively with concern on her face, touching his left forearm.

He gave her a look of utter bewilderment and immediately snatched his arm away. Without another word, he hurried upstairs and, within another second, he was out of sight.

She just stood there, rooted to the spot, glaring at the place where he'd stood just mere seconds ago. But she already knew. Snatching the arm away could only mean it was there. And that fear on his face... The Dark Mark was really there…

She didn't know whether he took it willingly or maybe if they'd made him. She's heard a lot about 'the incident' that happened right before the holidays. Lucius Malfoy failed again and couldn't intercept the prophecy out of Potter's hands. The Dark Lord must have been furious, so… Since he was clearly evil, he presumably cared for the punishment to be severe. And forcing their son take the mark would be just the way to achieve that. But following this path, Pansy would have to conclude that the task would have to be… at least incredibly dangerous.

She felt nauseous at the thought. She closed her eyes for a second to calm down, and as she breathed in deeply, she went into the Common Room, thoughts still racing through her mind.

She knew Draco well enough to at least suspect how he felt when he took the mark. He felt favoured. Exceptional. Better. He was never enough – whether it was Granger when it came to grades, or whether it was Potter when it came to Quidditch – and now, finally, he was enough. He was chosen, so he was fooling himself that it was because he was special. But it didn't last very long – she saw what was happening to him. It had to have something to do with this supposed task. Whatever it was, Pansy found it hard to believe that his parents agreed to this. On the other hand, they probably didn't have any alternative – they have already made some mistakes that the Dark Lord wasn't so willing to forgive.

She wanted to head straight to her dormitory, but she stumbled upon 'Slytherin's finest'. They were glaring at her and would presumably start a fight, sooner or later, so she decided to sit in an armchair near the fireplace to watch the mayhem unfold. The girls looked at her with a distaste for a second and then started sharing knowing looks with each other.

After Pansy realised she hated everyone, she decided it was pointless to keep in touch with these 'Oh-Salazar-I-Broke-My-Nail' idiots. She might have had a gang once (which she was particularly proud of), but she was too tired of faking the friendship. Besides, she hated badmouthing – which was apparently their hobby. She preferred being mean face to face. Most importantly, it was challenging, but also so much more fun. Milicent, Daphne, Tracey and Pansy have shared a dormitory for six years so she knew they must hate her now. She's just stopped talking to them without giving any particular reason. Only Daphne was sane enough to earn a couple of sentences from Pansy. However, when Milicent and Tracey were around, Parkinson went back to ignoring Daphne as well. And the girl seemed to have adjusted to this already.

Pansy turned away from the tall windows through which Slytherin students could watch the Black Lake and its wildlife. Since the girls were pretty quiet, she took out the textbook for Defence Against the Dark Arts. She never managed to open the book, because she suddenly heard her name among other whispers and laughs. She shifted uncomfortably. Pansy had a bad feeling about this. They were sitting behind her on the couch, so she didn't see them but decided not to turn around – it wouldn't be very wise to provoke them. So she just rolled her eyes to herself and opened the book, but just as she wanted to start reading, she saw, in the corner of her eye, a big figure standing before her. Needless to say, it was Milicent with her hands on her hips. Pansy definitely did not like this.

'Did they send you here to scare me?' smirked Pansy and took in the girl's posture with fake admiration. Bulstrode always prided herself in her strength, but Parkinson valued the power of brains, rather than muscles. And here, well, her victory was more than certain.

'You think you're better than us,' stated Milicent with her deep voice.

'No, I simply don't like talking to people with whom I have absolutely nothing in common,' she replied indifferently.

'You're saying you don't have the same beliefs as we, the Slytherins?' Bulstrode asked, apparently trying to sound smart.

Parkinson just laughed coldly.

'Darling, if you mean blood purity – I wouldn't touch a mudblood if they gave me a million galleons for this.'

Milicent nodded and was about to go away, but Pansy just couldn't stop herself and said with an unmistakable grin, 'For two million, on the other hand –'

But then, Pansy Parkinson saw only darkness.


	3. The Hospital Wing

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone – but also herself. She hated herself for hating others. For not knowing when to shut up and for neglecting the power of muscles.

She was in the hospital wing, lying in one of the semi-comfortable beds. She still felt the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Her left cheek hurt terribly and was possibly just as swollen as it felt. She slowly opened her eyes to see Zabini with a nasty smile on his face, bending over her bed.

'Welcome to the living,' he said, ignoring her thunderous glare. 'What did you say to her? There are already legends about you, Parkinson. Apparently, you're a mudblood-lover now.'

Pansy smiled delicately but immediately regretted it as she felt a terrible pain in her jaw.

'This is what you get for being sarcastic to the wrong people,' she replied quietly.

Blaise just shook his head in disbelief.

'Daphne was worried about you,' he said, much to her surprise. 'She visited you a fair few times. So did Nott.'

'Daphne?'

'You know, she's not that bad, which you can't say about Davis. Or Bulstrode, not while looking at your face,' he chuckled. 'She's just… Well, she's still playing this role while you've given up this year. You know how it is. It's a prestige of sorts.'

She tried smiling again but regretted it even more when she felt stinging across her cheek.

'Was Draco here?' asked Pansy finally, trying to sound casual. Blaise's face fell, so she already knew the answer, which made her heart grow colder with disappointment.

'Wow,' she said, not even trying to hide that she was let down. 'After all these years –'

'Don't hold it against him,' he interrupted, serious as she'd never seen him. 'He's got a lot of… things on his mind.'

'What? Like what? What do you mean?' she asked, sounding much more aggressive than she'd intended to.

He looked at her meaningfully, warning her against continuing this topic. But she held his gaze and was not going to back down, not now.

'I don't know,' he sighed finally with resignation.

'Really, Zabini? You're in on it, too? I really expected better from –'

'I don't know, okay?' he raised his voice.

He sighed again and not meeting her gaze continued, 'I know something's up, but I don't know what. I know Nott knows everything, but I don't. All I know is that it's not going to end well for Draco. Or it doesn't seem that way, at least.'

There was a moment of silence as Pansy considered his words. She didn't know what to do with it – Blaise's help would not only be beneficial, but even essential. However, she wasn't sure if he was up for meddling in anyone's life. Besides, he might warn Draco that she's… investigating him. But on the other hand, they've been friends for a long time, so she was hoping he'd want to help her… And him.

'Would you like to find out, then?' she asked, looking straight into his dark eyes.

'...I don't think spying on him would be a good idea.'

'Well, I don't think his bloody mission is doing him any good, is it?' she fired back.

'And what can we do about it?'

'Once we know what's up we can help him. We have to help him. I know you're worried just as much as me.'

Blaise gave her a surprised look and whistled mockingly.

'If I told someone that Pansy Parkinson wants to help someone because she's – er – worried, they would've sent me straight to St. Mungo's.'

She didn't respond but pierced him with a challenging glare.

'I'll help you,' he said after a moment, leaving her dumbfounded. 'I'm afraid it's a more serious matter. He might not admit it because, well, he's too proud to do so, but he'll use some help. Or… support, whatever you want to call it.'

'Thanks,' she said before she could stop herself. Blaise looked at her as if she'd gone crazy.

'If you say one more nice word, I'll send myself to St. Mungo's – apparently, I'm hearing voices. Or maybe Milicent's punch messed that much with your head?' he chuckled ironically.

She shook her head in disbelief, but it got her thinking. It was so much easier to hate people. To feel reluctance and contempt. If she cared… Just like she did with… Well, she wasn't sure if it was something she could live through. She hated feelings, and that was the reason she pushed them away and – if possible – destroyed them as soon as she realised they were there.

She despised most people because there was usually something wrong with them – either background, character or plain stupidity. Obviously, there were people that she could remain civil with – connections are essential, especially in the wizarding world. But she hated attachment – and this is why she was angry with her younger self for not controlling it and finding herself attached to none other than Draco Malfoy. Thank Salazar, she managed to realise so quickly that most people were not even worth it. And when it came to her friends from the dormitory, she saw almost immediately how untrustworthy they were. Luckily, she still managed to befriend Daphne, who was… not so bad. But since she was friends with other 'Slytherin stars', it wasn't so hard to ignore her most of the time as well. That was the reason why she always wondered how she got around to like Nott and Zabini. She met Draco and Daphne at the very beginning. As for the other two, they met during the first year, when she'd already realised it wasn't really her thing to play nice. Once she understood that the reason for it was because she hated everyone, she was either thankful for those she had or furious with herself for even having feelings.

'Well, well, look at that. Pansy Parkinson and her infamous encounter with Milicent's fist,' the voice broke her out of her thoughts.

'Oh, look at that, Theodore Nott and his poor jokes,' said Pansy with a smirk, noticing the blonde boy entering the Hospital Wing and sitting next to her bed. His hair was falling into his eyes again – she couldn't understand why it didn't bother him.

'Ah, yes, Pansy Parkinson, the queen of sarcasm, who obviously meant that I'm the funniest guy she's ever met.'

'In your dreams, Nott,' she replied quickly, glancing at him sceptically.

'So, any final words? Have you written a will and passed everything on to me?' he asked with a grin, 'Who would've thought that it'd be our dear friend Bulstrode who would send you to your deathbed.'

'I always assumed it would be your jokes.'

'Ah, probably because they're just so good, you'd die of laughing.'

'Or rather of feeling embarrassed for you.'

'Well, look at you, Parkinson, how lucky I am that our dear friend Bulstrode didn't knock this wit out of you,' he smiled genuinely.

'Look at you, Nott, making jokes out of your painfully injured friend,' said Pansy, returning the smile.

'So there is damage in your brain, after all, since you're using the f-word,' noticed Theo, but Pansy just rolled her eyes.

'And it must be seriously severe since Blaise tells me you're nice now.'

'Oh, sod off, Nott. If you call me nice once again, I'm going to fight both Blaise and you, Milicent-style.'

'There she is,' he laughed. 'So, how are you?'

'Pretty sure I won't be able to eat anything for the rest of my life. Not bad, nonetheless.'

'What did you say to her? Apparently, you're having an affair with Granger now,' he chuckled. 'Or are you at the stage of planning a wedding? I got a bit lost.'

'What?' she said through the gritted teeth.

'Well, I don't really know who started it, but last I heard, you were confessing her undying love at the entrance of the Gryffin-dorks dormitory.'

She just glared at him until he stopped laughing.

'Just saying what I've heard so far,' he raised his arms defensively.

Suddenly, the door to the hospital opened and before they saw who came in, they heard humming. A moment later, they saw Luna Lovegood hopping merrily down the room, evidently looking for Madam Pomfrey. Theo and Pansy shared sceptical looks.

'Well, that should fuck my day up even more,' whispered Pansy urgently.

'Don't be such a drama queen,' scolded her Nott.

She rolled her eyes again, but to their surprise, Lovegood stopped short near her bed. She looked – as usual – as if she wasn't even there, but somewhere in her own world.

'It's good you changed your opinion, you know,' she said dreamily. 'It's always nice when people are changing for the better.'

'Well, Loony, hate to disappoint you, but your little made-up stories have become more ridiculous than Trelawney's predictions,' Pansy replied coldly.

'I hope you'll realise that too' she added, looking directly at Theo, who was completely taken aback. 'They're not different, you see.'

Lovegood carried on (in hops, of course) and Pansy spat with contempt.

'She didn't even listen to me!'

'That was… weird.'

'Yeah, well, I can't wait until I can get out of here.'

Luckily, the next day Madam Pomfrey let her go and told her to get to class. They had Charms first, and she was watching Draco from the other side of the corridor. She was currently in phase two – believing that if she didn't care, she would've been happier. She could've been studying for Charms or simply chat with Blaise. But no. She had to help Draco, of course. At those times, she hated herself. She had to watch paler-than-ever Malfoy pacing around the corridor, not paying attention to anything or anyone. He even accidentally bumped into Granger and didn't comment that. That was worse than she could've predicted.

'He looks as if he didn't sleep last week at all,' said Pansy worriedly.

'That would be because he didn't,' replied Blaise, and she looked at him with fright.

'He's casting silencing charms, but we can see the light behind the curtains. I reckon he's trying to figure out this task of his and is having problems with it,' he explained.

Draco was talking urgently to Crabbe and Goyle, casting nervous glances all around.

'You don't think they know something, do you?' she asked in a shaky voice.

'Crabbe and Goyle?' he snorted. 'They're great pawns for him, they do what he says, but they're as dumb as mountain trolls.'

'Exactly.'

Pansy suddenly moved in their direction, but Blaise instantly grabbed her arm.

'What, in Salazar's name, are you doing?' he asked, bewildered.

'Interrogating them.'

'You're a Slytherin, for Merlin's sake, don't act like a sodding idiot,' he scolded her, almost disgusted. She wanted to come back at him, but decided against it and pursed her lips instead.

'We have to wait 'til they're alone,' said Blaise matter-of-factly, 'We need a plan if we want to get anything out of them. But most importantly, we have to get rid of Theo, who apparently decided to be his guard or something. Or, if we want to do it in a proper Slytherin way, we can somehow get him on our side.'

She nodded in agreement, so he finally let go of her arm. Obviously, he was right, she acted like a bloody Gryffindor. That would not happen again, ever. She found Draco with her eyes again. Zabini told the truth – there was Nott, standing with no particular reason a few steps behind him and not letting Malfoy out of his sight. Although, for a second he looked directly into Pansy's eyes.

She averted the gaze almost instantly and concluded, 'After classes in the library.'

Blaise just nodded.

She didn't know what would she do if she found out that Crabbe and Goyle knew about everything. Even the thought alone managed to cause her nausea.

She didn't understand why he didn't trust her – they were very close, and he told her almost everything. She knew about issues with his father, about his crazy aunt who escaped Azkaban, and how he was worried about his mother. She knew how much he wanted to impress his parents. Moreover, she knew all those cute stories from childhood, back when Draco and Theo were spending a lot of time together. If he told her all that, why was he rejecting her now? Pansy Parkinson hated being rejected.


	4. The Library

Pansy Parkinson hated everything. She might've somewhat enjoyed Potions, Charms or Transfiguration but truly despised Herbology. She was aware that knowledge of this subject is more than essential if you don't intend to die in an idiotic way, but she hated it anyway. She was replanting a weird thing with red fruits (unmistakably poisonous) next to Nott and an incredibly pale (probably out of deadly fear) Ravenclaw boy.

'You know, scowling won't make this subject any better for you,' noticed Theo and when she looked at him, she discovered that his plant didn't decide to attack him with its fruit as hers did.

'Wow, look at you, being all positive,' she barked when her plant threw another fruit in her face. Luckily, it didn't smash – Professor Sprout said it left black spots that itched terribly.

'If you focused on the lesson instead of a certain blondie who's paying even less attention than you are, you could've quite enjoyed that.'

Her eyes drifted again to a white-blond hair at the other end of the classroom, only to see him digging in the pot and not really doing anything else.

'I told you, it's not something for you to worry about,' Nott broke the silence again.

'So what? It's not helping that you don't even joke about it. It just makes it more serious,' she replied absently, her eyes still focused on Draco.

'It's not a matter to joke about.'

'The thing is, Theo,' she put the shovel away and took the watering can. 'Your sense of humour is as dark as it gets. How dark it has to be if you're not having a laugh about it?'

'Please, just let this go,' he pleaded quietly. She looked at him in surprise, but before she could say something, the plant hit her with the red fruit again. She realised she must have used too much water and groaned.

'Well, I can't, can I? Even if I wanted to, I –'

She stopped before she could reveal too much, but Nott already looked at her with concern. She hated that look. She didn't need anyone's pity. That only reminded her of her powerlessness and made her feel even worse.

'Just sod off, would you?' she spluttered. 'It's not your secret to protect, anyway.'

She decided it was better to attack him like that before he could touch her arm compassionately or do something equally stupid.

'I'm afraid that's exactly what I'd promised to do,' he said with a sad smile.

'Oh, please, Nott, you're scaring me. Isn't the time to make a bad joke?'

'Are you suggesting that if I continue on brooding, I'll turn into Snape?'

'I'm so disappointed,' she sighed as she was trying to feed her plant but the soil kept on spewing out every kind of fertiliser with a little help of the roots.

'That I've heard a lot,' he whispered, and she stopped short in her effort of feeding, but did not look directly at him.

'Well, that's sad,' she replied carefully. 'Your parents?'

'What, and yours not? Pure-blood supremacy and Slytherin inheritance might be something to be proud of, but... They don't really make the best parents, do they?' he said quietly so that no one else could've heard him. 'Not when we're talking about – well – fanatics of sorts.'

'Don't tell that Milicent,' she advised, pointing at her black eye with her tiny shovel. 'But I guess you're right, we don't have an easy time. And Draco really is trying to live up to his parents' expectations, isn't he?'

'Yeah… But you're not getting anything else out of me.'

'We'll see,' she smirked. 'Either way, you're smart, intelligent and ambitious, you don't need praises from your parents to know that.'

He smiled fixedly. 'I guess I don't, but I could use them,'

'We all would… But sometimes waiting for them is just holding us back.'

'Look at you, Parkinson, getting all philosophical,' he mocked.

'...And he's back,' she said with a genuine smile.

After she had managed not to kill the plant and not get poisoned at the same time, she went straight to the library where she was supposed to meet Blaise. She decided to write an essay while she was waiting, but her mind kept wandering off the topic.

Nott didn't tell her anything she didn't already know, but somehow hearing it from him, made her feel closer to the truth. Ambition might be a curse sometimes, especially if you're in a similar situation to Draco. Impressing the Dark Lord would mean getting his parents out of trouble. And were they in trouble. It wasn't all about impressing, he also obviously cared about his family enough to get himself wrapped in this horrible situation, whatever it was.

She tried focusing on the essay but failed. She was still so disappointed that she had to figure it all out by herself – why not just trust her?

'I just hate everyone,' she whispered to herself.

And that was the reason why she didn't feel jealous that often. It's happened once or twice when she saw Draco talking to Daphne. Or to her beautiful sister, Astoria. But there were times when she felt it even when Cho Chang or this blood traitor, Ginny Weasley, were around.

But what she felt now was slightly different. She wasn't jealous because Draco could like someone else, which seemed quite shallow at the moment. Right now, she was insanely jealous that she wasn't the one who he'd put his trust in. And that was much more painful than she could've imagined.

Once again, she tried focusing on the essay for Ancient Runes. She unconsciously started tapping her quill at the edge of the desk.

'Oh, would you stop?' shouted none other but Hermione Granger. Pansy smirked almost automatically.

'Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting you?' asked Pansy sweetly, tapping her quill two times louder than before.

'I don't know if you've processed it with that little brain of yours, Parkinson, but this is the LIBRARY!' hissed Granger which only made Pansy laugh.

'Oh, well, since SOMEONE is shouting here, I'm not sure if this is the LIBRARY after all.'

Granger slammed her book shut, got up and headed for the exit with chin held high. Pansy rolled her eyes.

'You're becoming too predictable, Granger! It's getting boring,' she called after her, luckily not loud enough to attract Pince's attention. Granger threw her last furious glance and disappeared behind the door, leaving her quite pleased with herself.

'You're bonding, I see,' she suddenly heard a deep voice. Blaise appeared out of nowhere. When she turned around, he already sat next to her, apparently amused.

He glared confidently at her for a moment.

'Well, you look like someone on a mission,' she broke the silence.

'And you look like someone who can't focus,' he replied immediately.

She sighed with irritation.

'You obviously have a brilliant idea, so let's hear it,' she urgently waved her hand at him.

'My ideas are always brilliant.'

'If it makes you spit it out faster, I'll just smile and agree,' she promised.

'Well, I don't see the smile,' he said with a nasty grin.

'Blaise, I swear to Salazar –'

'Okay, okay,' he agreed, automatically straightening up. 'Firstly, we must find them when they're alone. And we have to make sure they will be alone for a while – otherwise, it'd be too dangerous. Secondly, they're obviously stupid, but not stupid enough to ask them about it directly. So, I think, we just need to act as we know perfectly well what Draco's doing.'

'Well, what if he'd told them that we don't know? He might've mentioned that nobody else knows or something like that.'

'Do you have a better idea? It is as brilliant as it gets,' he retorted. 'We've got a quidditch practice tomorrow night. It's your chance.'

'And here I thought you'd give me a forever-long lecture about cooperation, Zabini.'

'This is cooperation. I talk to Draco and make sure he won't ditch quidditch again – and you talk to Crabbe and Goyle.'

She just nodded in agreement.

'Just please, don't fuck this up, alright?' he added patronisingly.

'Were you always such a prick or is it just this teamwork-thing?'

'I'm serious.'

'So am I.'

They seized each other up, but Zabini quickly realised that Pansy was just bantering. After a moment he smiled and got up from his seat.

'Good luck then, Parkinson. Trick them Slytherin-style.'

'And you do you, Zabini,' she said with a hint of a smile. She went back to writing the essay that she'd been working on for three days straight already. The more she thought about that mudblood who'll get a better grade either way, the more furious she was getting. But at least now she had a sense of hope. A plan, which hopefully would answer some questions. And Pansy Parkinson always got the answers she wanted.


	5. Moaning Myrtle

Pansy Parkinson hated not having a detailed plan. But the good thing was, she had one, at the very least.

In the evening, when Blaise and Draco had gone to the quidditch training (finally, after suspiciously not playing in the Gryffindor-Slytherin match for some reason that no one knew about), Pansy Parkinson was in the Common Room, observing Crabbe and Goyle closely. She didn't know what to do next, whether to just come over and talk to them or wait for something to happen... But she didn't have forever. Quidditch practice wouldn't last longer than two hours, and they've already been gone for fifteen minutes. Time was not on her side.

Just then, something happened – she saw them getting up and heading for the door, so she immediately took off after them.

'Hey, wait for me!' she shouted.

They turned around, and shock appeared on their faces.

'What's up?' asked Crabbe suspiciously.

'Draco asked me to come with you,' she lied quickly.

They looked at each other uncertainly but agreed for her to come either way. They headed for the stairs, so she followed them. There was a problem, though – she didn't know what should she do now. What to say or where to go… She had to improvise.

'So he finally decided to tell you, huh?' Goyle asked suddenly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

'Yup,' she said with a fake smile plastered on her face.

If they weren't Crabbe and Goyle, they might've felt her hesitation. But at the same time, she tried to remind herself that even though they were only Crabbe and Goyle, they shouldn't be underestimated.

She regained her posture and continued after them. The biggest problem was the fact that she had no idea where they were going and so acting as though she knew, was not the easiest. At least, without raising any suspicions. Luckily, they didn't walk too long when they arrived. They stopped before the Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on the second floor – Pansy was surprised, she didn't really expect… Well, surely not that. She went inside, remembering this whole time to sustain her poker face on. Crabbe and Goyle bustled about for a while but soon came back revealing medium-sized cauldron in which a weird substance was bubbling.

She approached the cauldron to have a closer look. The thick fluid was brown, rather dark – which made it look like mud… Precisely like the Polyjuice Potion – the one Slughorn showed them on their first Potions lesson this semester. But what would they need it for?

'I have to say I'm er… quite shocked that Draco trusted you with such a – uh – important task,' she said after a moment, with something weird in her voice, what was supposed to resemble admiration.

'We're just guarding here,' admitted Crabbe, earning a well-deserved kick in the ankle from Goyle.

'Exactly,' replied Pansy, sceptically looking into the cauldron.

This elixir was very advanced – and for that reason, she was absolutely sure that these two had nothing to do with brewing it. That was Draco's work, no doubt. He probably got inspired after the lesson with Slughorn. Maybe even stole some of it to make sure he brews it correctly?

'I still think the Room of Requirement would be a better choice for making a potion,' she said.

After all, Potter and his 'Dumbledore's Army' had been meeting there for a year, before they were finally caught. It was the best place in all of Hogwarts to hide. Even she sometimes used that room if she wanted to get away from all those idiots, but would never admit that Potter and his gang gave her this idea.

'Well, no one else comes here, either way,' they heard a high, squeaky voice.

'Myrtle,' Pansy greeted the ghost with a cold smile.

'He just wanted to keep me company. He needs it, too, you know. He's so sad lately.'

Parkinson raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

'He can't do everything in one room, that'd be stupid,' stated Crabbe after a second. It might've been the smartest thing he's ever said if not, no doubt, overheard from Draco's. But that caught Pansy's attention: it could only mean that Malfoy did use the Room of Requirement – however, for something else.

'Right,' she replied quickly so as not to raise any suspicions. 'That's true.'

'He says it's too much for him. He doesn't have anyone else, so he talks to me,' boasted Myrtle, looking down at them, apparently waiting for some kind of praise.

But that hurt Pansy, if possible, more than anything. So what, he didn't have anyone? So who was Theo? And who was she? He trusted Moaning fucking Myrtle, but not her? That made her feel… degraded. So many years and so much effort that she'd put in this relationship and suddenly he trusts a ghost, who can do nothing more than whine about her life, over her? That was almost unacceptable… If she didn't feel sorry for her. Or him.

Nevertheless, she's had enough. She stormed out of the bathroom, not caring about the surprised looks. When she came back to the Common Room, she ignored everyone who greeted her and sat back in her favourite chair, taking the book that was closest and tried focusing on it. But she couldn't. She tried to make herself believe that it wasn't the end of the world. However, she couldn't convince herself. She felt betrayed. It looked to her like she was less trustworthy than someone who wasn't even his friend.

She slammed the book shut since she wasn't reading anyway. A few people cast her nervous glances, but she didn't care for them. She observed the fireplace as if it was something gripping.

'Hi,' said a voice behind her which made her muscles instantly flex.

'Draco.'

She got up shakily and considered him carefully. She noticed he was much paler than at the beginning of the year. His eyes were bleary and had dark circles under them as if he hadn't slept for weeks. He looked terrible, to be honest. She tried not to look at him with compassion.

'Fancy a walk?' he asked.

'Er – sure,' she replied, surprised at the invitation.

They walked out of the Common Room and out of the castle in silence. Pansy felt a bit uncomfortable. She missed the old times, even if she wasn't entirely herself back then. But he knew that – and her, probably better than she knew herself. So it wouldn't be such a problem. And it was so much easier back then...

It was almost dark outside, so they didn't have much time to be outside. However, they still headed for the lake.

'If I didn't know you better than this, I would've said that you thought I wouldn't find out anything from Crabbe and Goyle,' he spoke up finally, with a sad manner in his voice.

She smiled delicately, 'Well, it wasn't really that hard.'

'I can imagine.'

'...But I can't quite say I understand,' she admitted.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, why did you choose them? You know that both Blaise and I, well, even Theo –'

'They don't know anything,' he interrupted flatly.

'W– What?'

'I chose them because they're the only ones who'll do what I say without asking questions.'

They were alone, everybody else already went back to the castle. The lake was already close. Draco was glancing at Pansy every few seconds like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. He sighed finally and shook his head.

'I'd like you to stop this investigation,' he said finally.

'What?' she hissed.

'Blaise was literally interrogating me today at the practice. I know you two want to find out what's going on, but it's really none of your business,' he explained without a hint of anger, yet not even looking in her direction.

They finally arrived at the lake with the last trace of the sun hanging behind the horizon. He sat at one of the rocks and gazed into the pitch-black water. Pansy, however, stood in front of him with her arms crossed.

'None of our business?' she asked crossly. 'Let me get this straight. From the beginning of the term you barely talk to us, you look like you haven't slept in ages, not to mention haven't eaten, because you stopped even going to meals! Plus, the only person you talk to is apparently Moaning Myrtle, so if you say it is none of our business, you don't even know us, Draco.'

'Why do you care so much?' he asked suddenly.

'Excuse me?'

'What's happening. I mean, I get it, you're worried, but why can't you let this one go?

'I know it's something to do with You-Know-Who. The way you talked on the train… And whatever it is, it is destroying you, don't deny it...'

Draco suddenly stood up and walked up to the shore. The moon had already risen, and its light illuminated the lake, which made it look as if it was full of silvery sparks.

'It's not so easy, you know.'

'Why?' she demanded, trying to contain her rising anger.

'You wouldn't understand,' he said, kicking some gravel.

She looked at him challengingly, and so he sighed again.

'You're better off not knowing, okay? Why do you care so much?'

Pansy didn't really have a lot of time to make this decision, although the moment when she was thinking it over, seemed to have lasted way too long. The thought of losing him, that she wouldn't get another chance like this, that he'll just isolate himself from others – or worse – this task will destroy or even kill him, was haunting her. That's why, however insecure at the beginning, she walked up closer to him. He tried to avert her gaze, but this time she didn't let him. She hasn't decided if it was a good decision or not, but it was too late to back out now.

Terrified of rejection, her heart pounding like crazy, she closed the distance between them and kissed him. She expected him to take a step back – but to her surprise, he didn't. On the contrary – not only did he return the kiss, but also put his hands around her waist, pulling her even closer. She felt his longing as she deepened the kiss and could almost feel his sadness fading away. This lasted only a second when he put his hands on her arms and pushed her away. When he didn't even look at her, she felt a stitching pain in the heart.

'You should just stay away from me,' he whispered expressionlessly and twirling around, he took off quickly to the castle, not once turning around.

She was paralysed. Simply standing there, she was watching the figure drifting away, not being able to move. She felt her eyes prickling and wanted to curse herself. Pansy Parkinson hated crying.


	6. Hogsmeade

Pansy Parkinson hated feeling embarrassed.

When Blaise caught up to her in the Common Room the next day, he tried talking to her, but she didn't even listen. Pansy couldn't focus, still reminiscing the previous night. She knew she didn't imagine it – when Draco's got lost in the kiss for a second, she really did feel the affection. It was there. But afterwards, when he rejected her so effortlessly, it was like a stab in the heart. She didn't know if she was more furious, sad or embarrassed. She could still feel her eyes prickling every time she was thinking about it. And it was, literally, all she could think about.

'Hey!' shouted Zabini, waving his hand in front of her face. She focused on him again but didn't say anything.

'I have no idea what's going on with you today,' he sighed, but she just shrugged. '...Anyway, we have to find another way. My proposition is, talk to Nott again.'

'He won't say anything, I tried that,' she replied coolly.

'You're… possibly right but it doesn't hurt to try.'

She scowled at him, and he raised his arms defensively.

'I have no idea what happened to your optimism, Parkinson, but I shall remind you that Slytherins do not give up so easily!'

'Well, maybe I'm not a true Slytherin, then,' she said in a strangled voice, got up abruptly and headed for the exit. A few students at instant got out of her way to give her room to storm out. Zabini just rolled his eyes and took after her.

'You're not Crouch to be this moody,' he said, ignoring her growl. 'If you don't want to, I'll talk to Theodore myself. But we both know you're going to be mad at me later for working without you.'

Furious, she stopped abruptly, and her dark eyes were like bolts of lightning.

'Ooh, now it's getting interesting,' he mocked.

She cringed, but finally took a deep breath and said calmly, 'All right, then. Let's go together.'

Blaise raised an eyebrow but luckily for him, he didn't comment that.

'So, where do we look for him?' he asked when he saw that Pansy headed somewhere as if she already knew where to go.

'In Hogsmeade, obviously. Where else? It's a weekend.'

She didn't look at him and didn't even bother to slow down.

'Ah, yes, Theodore Nott and his crazy weekend, going wild in the bookshop after the whole week in the library,' he smirked.

Finding him wasn't very difficult – as expected, he was sitting in the bookshop, surrounded by the books at the table near the counter, while reading one of them. They came over and sat opposite him.

'Oh, hello,' he said, barely looking at them.

'Hi, Theo,' they replied calmly.

Pansy knew perfectly well that he already knew why they were there before they even started to talk. If they tried to trick him, it wouldn't work. So the only way to actually get something out of him was absolute directness.

'We're just worried about him,' she spoke up after a moment of silence. Blaise nodded in agreement, but Theo just sighed. He was watching them studiously but remained silent for a moment.

'You really have to let this go.'

Pansy tried hard not to snort.

'It's destroying him already.'

'You should talk to him, then, not me. As I've said, it is not my secret to tell,' he stated calmly, taking a few books and sending the rest of them back by a single wave of his wand.

'I did,' said Pansy quietly, taking Blaise by surprise.

'So did I,' he added after a while, but he didn't sound entirely convinced.

Nott looked at them expectantly.

'...He doesn't want any help, and he doesn't want to tell us anything,' she said finally with resignation in her voice.

'I don't see the problem, then.'

Theo got up, and after he'd put a bag on his arm, he headed to the checkout.

'You know he needs help!' she shouted after him, risking the displeased looks of other people in the shop.

Nott turned around again. After considering her words, he spoke up resignedly, 'I'm worried about him, too. But it's really none of your business, okay? Talking about is only making things worse. You really have to stop.'

He left the shop at once, leaving Blaise and Pansy in absolute silence. They looked at each other as though they weren't sure if they should comment that or not. They didn't have any high hopes considering this talk, but they were let down anyway.

'Well, that was… catastrophic,' said Pansy finally, looking at Blaise with an apologetic look.

'When did he started acting so… you know, not-Nott?'

Pansy frowned but didn't reply. They decided to go to the Three Broomsticks, after all, since they were already in Hogsmeade. When they went into the dimly-lit pub, the very first thing Pansy saw was a tall figure of Milicent Bulstrode.

'Turn left, turn left, turn left,' she whispered urgently to Blaise, hiding behind him.

He led them through the crowded room to the table in the back, so that they could hide, at least temporarily. When they sat down at the tall, wooden chairs after they'd ordered butterbeer, only then did they notice who was sitting two tables away.

'The lesser of two evils,' Pansy said hastily when she realised that Blaise wanted to change tables again.

'Fine,' he groaned as Potter and his two pathetic friends were glaring at them with hatred. After a while, they returned to their conversation, probably realising that Parkinson and Zabini weren't planning on picking any fights today.

'See? We can be civil sometimes,' she said with a slight smirk. 'Besides, I'm not confronting Milicent now, not when I've managed to avoid her for so long.'

'Right,' he replied sceptically. 'Anyway, do we have some kind of a plan now? We pretty much fucked up every idea we've had so far.'

'And here I thought you were turning into an optimist.'

'I would never betray myself to that extent.'

She snorted.

'Well, the only idea I have, for now, is somehow tricking Nott into talking but we both know that –'

'He's going to see right through us? And will never let us – or anyone else – forget it? And that he will probably carve it on our tombstones?' he interjected. 'Blaise Zabini, died of the stupidity by crossing Theodore Nott.'

'Well… Pretty much, yeah.'

They drank butterbeer in silence for a moment. Pansy started wondering if they were going to figure something out. Blaise was right, they basically fucked up every idea they had.

'Unless –,' she started uncertainly.

'We're not spying on him,' he cut her short.

She sighed with defeat. It was only making her more depressed. When they had a plan, any plan, there was at least a shred of hope. And now she had nothing, while the clock was ticking. Draco looked worse each time they saw him. She wanted to act fast, but not one idea crossed her mind. She shifted her attention back to Blaise, only to see him staring into the direction of one certain person. Following his gaze, she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

'You seriously can't take eyes off Weaslette now?' she asked with disappointment in her voice, just to make him glower at her.

Ginny was sitting on their right with her new Gryffindor boyfriend, more snogging than chatting. They were hidden in the back of the room, behind huge plants that blocked them from view from most of the tables.

'I already told you, I wouldn't touch –'

'And you honestly believe that?' she almost shrieked with laughter.

'Being as loud as you are, I can see you can't wait for another punch from Bulstrode,' he commented coldly.

'Well, I'm just saying, it's not like it's contagious, is it?'

He looked at her with disgust.

'Oh, come off it,' she said, waving her hand. 'You have to at least admire her for this little show. I mean, she's been a psycho-fan of Potter's for what – four years now? And he ignores her the whole time, then she starts dating, and look at Potter now – he looks as if he wanted to punch Thomas out of this room. Besides, the whole purity thing, it's a matter of respect, not touching, or – whatever.'

He looked over to the table next to them only to find out that she was, indeed, right. After a second, he shook his head with disbelief.

'Oh, you're always looking down on everyone, aren't you Blaise, even though you know I'm right,' she sighed irritably.

'Of course I am looking down on everyone, people are such idiots,' he snorted.

'I, too, hate people, but –'

'Have we come here to fight or to save another one of those idiots from a terrible fate?'

Pansy growled with annoyance.

'Fine,' she shrugged indifferently. 'What do you propose we do?'

'Lie low, for now, observe him or whatever, until we can find some way to get Nott talking or until we figure out another plan.'

'Guess it's better than –'

'Parkinson!' they heard a shout that made her cringe.

Blaise smirked again, so she kicked him in the shin. Bulstrode was coming up to them, apparently attracting the attention of the whole pub. Apart from Potter and his "friends" who were too focused on themselves. And Weaslette – focused on something else.

'Hello, Milicent, darling,' Pansy greeted her with a fake smile plastered on her face.

'So, you've come to your senses?' she asked.

'I've always been quite conscious, thank you very much for asking. Well, apart from the time when I was lying in the hospital wing,' Pansy said before she could stop herself. She knew Blaise rolled his eyes, even though she didn't look in his direction.

Bulstrode slammed her fist onto the table, making both of them jump.

'You know what I mean, Parkinson!'

'Darling, please go bully hundreds of other Slytherins who don't care about blood purity. You'd be surprised how many of them are out there,' she smiled leniently.

'So do you care about it or not?' Milicent asked, her fists clenched by her sides.

'I thought that after such a long time that we've known each other, you'd realise that I might joke in weird situations,' Pansy replied calmly.

'This is not a laughing matter.'

'Yes, I've heard it somewhere,' she glanced at Blaise, before shifting her attention back to Bulstrode. Both girls glared at each other for a second.

'Oh, Merlin, can't you two just shake hands?' demanded Zabini. 'Pansy, just stop provoking her, and you, Milicent, let it go, it's not like she's serious, anyway.'

'Well...' started Pansy hesitantly. 'I suppose I could try and be nicer to you, Milicent. We're both Slytherins, after all, the least we can do is be civil.'

'Fair enough, I won't punch you again,' replied Milicent as they shook hands.

'Great,' said Blaise when Bulstrode went back to the table where Daphne and Tracey were watching this situation with fright visible on their faces.

'Now that we've got this sorted out, we can go back and find this idiotic blond ferret,' added Zabini, making Pansy growl again.

They made their way out of the Three Broomsticks. Even though Nott made her feel guilty for a second, Pansy Parkinson found herself feeling quite hopeful again.


	7. The Necklace

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone but decided that sometimes she needed to pretend not to. She made her peace with Milicent Bulstrode, which was good – and didn't fight with Blaise anymore, at least not while they were going back to the castle. It was a very cold – almost freezing – day due to the terrible wind, but when they saw the commotion outside of the Three Broomsticks, they forgot all about that. Hagrid was hurriedly carrying some girl into the castle, but from a distance, it was hard to recognise her. Potter & co. were walking in the same direction, discussing something heatedly. One girl, crying uncontrollably, was walking with them. Neither Pansy nor Blaise knew her.

'Leave it to me, Zabini,' she said, putting her hand on his shoulder, noticing he wanted to go investigate.

And before he could protest, she added, 'Just trust me this once, okay?'

She hurried after the rest, noting that if they were controlled by emotions, it would be much easier to spy on them. Then, she noticed McGonagall speaking to them rather urgently. She sped up her pace – she figured that the professor asked them for a talk in her office since the four students followed her immediately. She hurried there as fast as she could, still remaining careful so that no one would realise she was following on them.

They were quite far away from her, so she didn't hear the beginning of the talk. Once she arrived at the office, she sat at the bench next to the door, took out a book and pretended to read. At the same time, she carefully charmed the door so that they opened slightly, enough for her to hear what they were talking about.

She strained her ears and finally heard McGonagall's firm voice, 'That's enough!'

Pansy scooped closer to the door and thanked Merlin they talked loud enough for her to hear anything.

'Potter, I appreciate you telling me this, but we cannot point the finger to blame at Mr. Malfoy purely because he visited the shop where this necklace might have been purchased. The same is probably true for hundreds of people –'

At this moment, a bunch of Hufflepuff idiots came through the corridor, talking loudly. Pansy still pretended to be reading and didn't let on how furious she was with them. She would've cursed them if that wasn't a stupid move. When they finally left, she strained her ears again.

'Mr. Malfoy was not in Hogsmeade today,' said McGonagall with a finality in her voice.

'How do you know, Professor?' asked Potter and Pansy just rolled her eyes.

'Because he was doing detention with me. He has now failed to complete his Transfiguration homework twice in a row,' she explained.

Parkinson got worried at once since she knew Draco was always very serious about his school work.

'So, thank you for telling me your suspicions, Potter, but I need to go up to the hospital wing to check on Katie Bell. Good day to you all.'

She acted absorbed in reading again when McGonagall hurried past her. She got up only when the rest of them left the office.

It was much worse than she had previously thought. She had to find out what had happened to Katie Bell – but this shouldn't be too difficult – Hogwarts will have been boiling with gossips by the end of the evening. What terrified her the most, however, was the fact that Potter was suspecting something. It didn't matter that nobody seemed to believe him (she didn't even hear his friends backing him up), but it was problematic in every way. He'd always managed to get away with everything, so if he started spying on Draco, he might actually find something out. And she couldn't let that happen – but at the same time, she had no means to stop him. Snape would definitely be on Malfoy's side, but that was about it. It would be hard for him to get out of this one.

And he blew off Transfiguration! It was almost impossible – if she hadn't heard it from the teacher, she wouldn't believe it. Draco was always incredibly focused on getting the best grades possible, not only to impress his parents, but also to finally be better than Granger. And now he lets it go? That seemed ridiculous. Only it wasn't – there was a living proof that the task managed to keep him away from his studies, his greatest ambition.

After a couple of days of overthinking, she decided to listen to Blaise after all. They would lie low for a while until they could come up with another plan. Sometimes she even felt guilty, remembering Nott's words about how talking about it will only make things worse, and she was close to giving up. Maybe he did need help, but since he didn't want it, she couldn't force it upon him.

But she changed her mind when she was walking to the library one day to start working on her essay for Charms. Draco was walking down the corridor with two younger Slytherins she didn't know. Since she didn't really pay attention to people, it wasn't anything weird. They might've been in the second year, but it was hard to tell. Malfoy seemed to have been so lost in thought, that he didn't pay attention to anything. He really looked worse and worse day by day. And it was this what motivated her. She couldn't force her help onto him, but she could change his mind about needing help. It would be incredibly hard, but it could be done. Nevertheless, without really thinking it through, she followed them – far enough so that they wouldn't notice her. She got worried she might lose them, but thanks to Draco's height, his fair hair was clearly visible through the crowd.

They were walking up the stairs for so long, that it seemed like they didn't have any destination. The higher they got, the fewer people there were and so – it was harder to hide. When they reached the seventh floor, Pansy scolded herself in thoughts. How could she not have figured this out sooner?

They were obviously heading for the Room of Requirement, she'd spied on Dumbledore's Army here for almost half a year. Crabbe let it slip that Draco couldn't do everything in one room, which made him choose Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to store and make the potion. She'd already come to the conclusion that he used this room, so why didn't she figure out where they were going?

Then, another thought stroke her -she already knew what they used Polyjuice Potion for. Why would Draco slip away with two unknown Slytherins? Not to raise suspicions, of course. If he constantly snooped around the corridors with Crabbe and Goyle, it would be shady. As it would be if Crabbe and Goyle were seen guarding the entrance of the Room. The one puzzling thing was why Draco didn't use the potion as well. This way, they would've raised even fewer suspicions. Apparently, they must've not had enough.

She stopped near the staircase so that they wouldn't see her. She couldn't see them properly, but she watched as Draco went into the room and disappeared. He really did make guards out of them, she thought in disbelief. But what was he doing in there?

She had to go back. If Draco was in the room with two guards outside, there was nothing to gain anymore. She pulled out and went back to the Common Room with a plan to start the essay she was supposed to write in the library.

Unfortunately, as soon as she took a step inside, she ran into Zabini.

'Better spill it before I make you,' he greeted her coldly.

'No need to get so aggressive there,' she replied. 'Sit down.'

'You found out what he's doing with those girls, didn't you?'

'Well, I'll gladly tell you everything I know, once you tell me how you know it so quickly,' she said with a charming smile, making him frown.

'I saw you spying on them. Since you've made such a good job on Saturday, I decided to trust you again,' he admitted coolly.

'That's, like, the highest praise from you I'll ever get. Thank you.'

'Go on,' he waved his hand impatiently.

'Well, he's going to the Room of Requirement, as I've already told you. Crabbe and Goyle probably use Polyjuice Potion and stand guard at the entrance.'

'Are you sure?' he asked sceptically.

'Well, they have to use the potion for something, don't they, and it seems much more plausible than that he takes some random little Slytherin girls to watch the entrance, doesn't it?'

'I suppose,' he agreed reluctantly. 'Whatever he did to that Gryffindor girl had to start somewhere. What'd you reckon that was about?'

'Well, I'm not sure, but I don't think he wanted to curse HER. Maybe she was delivering it for somebody? At least gossips say she was taking it into the castle with her. Which is a bit stupid, considering Filch has got this new toy, with which he'd detect it right away,' she shrugged.

'But why would she do that? I mean… Why would she agree to do that?'

'Are you… No, no. No, you're not. Please, Blaise, don't tell me you're suggesting Imperius,' she whispered, hiding her face in her palms.

'Whatever he's doing is not good. Definitely not legal. It's work for… the Dark Lord, after all. And from gossips we've heard, she'd been quite determined to get this necklace somewhere, hadn't she?'

'So you think he's trying to curse somebody at school?'

'Not necessarily. It was a Hogsmeade weekend, Hogwarts gets guests sometimes,' he said matter-of-factly.

'That he would know of?' she asked sceptically.

'He does know a lot. He might be getting instructions, for all we know.'

They sat in silence for a second, Pansy was nervously tapping her fingers on the table.

'Listen, I think we should let this go for a while,' declared Blaise suddenly.

'Excuse me?'

'I've got a certain idea.'

'Well? Do you always have to be so mysterious? Spill it!' she demanded, waving her hand irritably.

'Draco has to think we'd given up.'

'But we can't!'

'Yes, but we also don't have a plan for now, and if they see we've given up, they might let their defences down,' he explained.

'So… do we have a plan for the future?'

'Yes. I've been invited to the Christmas party.'

'Slug Club?'

'Yeah and Draco's going to be there,' he smirked confidently.

'Why would he?' she asked, astonished. 'He's not in the Slug Club, is he, so he won't be invited to the party.'

'Exactly.'

Pansy just raised her eyebrows, puzzled.

'He can talk whatever he wants, he might insult them as much as he wants, but we both know him better than that.'

'He's furious he wasn't chosen,' she mumbled.

'Exactly.'

'So?'

'So he's going to come to the party, whether as a 'plus one' or he'll figure something else out,' he declared.

'So you're going to spy on him there?'

'Oh, no. We are going to spy on him there. You, Pansy Parkinson, are going with me.'


	8. Chistmas Party, part 1

Pansy Parkinson hated any form of social gathering. And especially the crowded sort, where a lot of people would be.

She's been standing for almost an hour before the mirror, getting more and more irritated. On the one hand, she truly wanted to go there, on the other… she'd rather stay in bed and never go out anywhere ever again. If it wasn't enough – Hogwart's social scene was to appear at the party – that meant Potter, Granger and Weaslette. Pansy didn't feel like quarrelling with anybody, and those three were expected to start bantering themselves. But she had more important things to focus on now.

She's sighed for the hundredth time and for the thousandth time she tried to tie her hair up, just to let them down again. They were rather short, but she still couldn't decide. And if Granger looked at least half as good as at the Yule Ball, Pansy really had to give her best. She was not going to look worse than… some mudblood.

After a while, she gave up and decided to keep her hair down, but with the help of her wand, she curled them slightly. When it came down to the dress, it was much easier to choose. She decided on a silver one with long sleeves – it felt Christmassy enough.

She still couldn't do anything about her nose, though. It was horrible, it made her look like a pug. And although she found herself overall pretty, this nose destroyed everything. If it wasn't for the people's whispers – she knew they were calling her pug-faced – maybe it would be easier to accept that she was not perfect. She scolded herself in thought. Why would she care what others think? They were all idiots.

She sighed with defeat and went down to the Common Room where Zabini had already been waiting for her. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Draco sitting by the fireplace, whose pale face remained indifferent. Although she could swear, he did glance at her for a second.

'Well, well, well, look at that,' smirked Blaise.

'What?' she asked aggressively, taking her eyes off Draco.

'You look pretty.'

She seized him up, but he just laughed.

'Nobody can tell you don't know how to receive a compliment,' he sneered.

She rapidly headed out of the Common Room, hoping to put this fast behind her.

'Hey!' he shouted after her.

When he managed to catch up with her, he added, 'Hey, I know you're not very keen on this party, but I've got a good feeling about it.'

'Well, that makes one of us' she replied grumpily.

'I know we're doing it for the greater good, but please, at least try to have fun, okay?'

She sighed irritably but nodded afterwards.

'Great. Let's go.'

They headed for the stairs where they ran into Daphne, going back to the Common Room.

'Pansy!' she said with a surprise.

She acknowledged her with a nod, also slightly shocked. They didn't really talk from the beginning of the year, at least not that often as they used to.

'You look beautiful, Pansy. Oh, and have fun you two!'' she added with a smile and continued down the stairs.

It was only then when she remembered that Blaise told her that Daphne had visited her in the hospital when she'd been knocked out by Milicent. And now –she was nice. Even though Pansy always liked her the most out of the Slytherin girls, she accepted that Daphne hated her just like the others once she stopped talking to them.

'You look like you've gone through the ghost,' said Zabini with the slightest smirk.

'Well, I guess I'm quite shocked.'

'Told you she's not so bad.'

'Since your taste is so demanding, I guess I might've listened to you,' she agreed. 'But I thought she wouldn't talk to me after… well, after I started ignoring the rest of them.'

'She… might be smarter than you think, no matter how it pains me to admit.'

They finally arrived at the party, where most of the guests had already shown up. The room was really nicely arranged, she must have admitted that. The ceiling and the walls were decorated with the emerald, scarlet and gold fabric which gave it a festive vibe – but at the same time, it looked a bit like an enormous tent. Slughorn noticed them at once and hurried to greet them, like usual, with great excitement, which – according to Pansy, was rather fake. And even though she quite liked the old guy, it made him annoying at times.

'Oh, Mr Zabini! And you've brought miss Parkinson! Brilliant!' he grinned, holding a goblet of wine in his right hand.

'Hello, professor,' they greeted him.

'As I've always told you, Mr Zabini, you've got quite the taste!' he added, winking at him.

They shared sceptical looks but did not say anything.

'Well, have fun you two!' he encouraged, pushing them in the direction of the table that was full of food.

Blaise went on to make rounds, and Pansy looked around the room – it was really nicely decorated, with a holiday spirit. In the corner stood a Christmas tree and there were candles which were floating in mid-air. Slughorn remembered even about a mistletoe, underneath which she noticed McLaggen talking to Granger. When the girl looked up, her eyes rounded up in fright. But the Gryffindor boy didn't seem to notice - he kept talking, or more like rattling on.  
Pansy was amused by the situation. When he noted that they were standing under the mistletoe, he was getting closer to her as she was backing away. A moment later, she pointed to something behind him, and he turned around to see it. When he did, she took a chance and ran away, leaving McLaggen completely dumbfounded. Parkinson almost cried with laughter at this scene. Why did she go with McLaggen anyway? He seemed way more interested in himself than her, and Granger loved the sound of her own voice. It seemed like a poor choice.

She continued observing the other guests. In the corner was standing Ginny Weasley, apparently talking to the group of friends. At the entrance, Slughorn was greeting Potter, who – to Pansy's surprise – came with Lovegood. She'd also seen Trelawney and Snape, but no sign of Draco.

As Zabini rejoined her, bringing punch with him, he asked, 'Have you seen him?'

She shook her head, uneasily. They stood in silence for a second, while she kicked her heels.

'He'll come,' he said comfortingly, putting his hand on her arm. She looked at him with a surprise.

'Christmas spirit is getting to you, Zabini, or do you have a death wish?'

'I can be nice once in a while,' he replied, offended. 'And even you can appreciate it once in a while.'

'Yeah, right, but you're not usually obvious about it,' she fired back, but he left it without comment.

'It really is a wonderful party, isn't it?' said a soft voice behind them. They turned around just to see Luna Lovegood looking like her usual, dreamy self.

'I do like parties, you know,' she continued. 'Especially the Christmas ones. There are fewer nargles at Christmas. But watch out for mistletoes, though. They're hiding in there during that time.'

Blaise and Pansy shared astonished looks. Apart from the fact that they had no idea what the hell nargles were, they didn't really know how to behave at the moment. Parkinson was almost sure Luna didn't even know who she was talking to, as her voice was dreamy and her eyes rather unfocused.

'It's good to know you're nice now, Pansy,' she said, and Blaise didn't even try to stop the snort. 'Well, merry Christmas to you both!'

And she smiled genuinely and waved to them.

'Merry...' said Pansy.

'Christmas,' added Blaise.

They shared, once again, surprised looks.

'That was uncomfortable,' admitted Parkinson.

'She really is weird, Nott was right. I thought he was just… well, Nott.'

And then, there was some kind of a commotion at the entrance. Pansy recognised Draco's blonde hair at an instant and her heart started racing. He was dragged by his ear by Argus Filch. What was going on?

'What on Salazar did he get himself into?' whispered Blaise urgently.

The caretaker dragged Malfoy to the teachers who were standing and chatting in the middle of the room.

'Professor Slughorn,' wheezed Filch. 'I discovered this boy lurking in an upstairs corridor. He claims to have been invited to your party and to have been delayed in setting out. Did you issue him an invitation?'

Pansy tried moving closer to the centre, but Blaise stopped her with a short movement of his hand. Draco set himself free out of Filch's grip, looking furious.

'All right, I wasn't invited!' he shouted angrily. 'I was trying to gatecrash, happy?'

'No, I'm not!' said Filch, but his expression suggested otherwise. 'You're in trouble, you are! Didn't the Headmaster say that night-time's prowling's out unless you've got permission, didn't he, eh?'

'That's all right, Argus, that's all right,' hurried Slughorn, waving his hand. 'It's Christmas, and it's not a crime to want to come to the party. Just this once, we'll forget any punishment. You may stay, Draco.'

Pansy was quite shocked – Filch was obviously furious, but why Draco was, too? He's just gotten away from punishment.

And she noticed Potter was watching him carefully and his previous satisfaction was slowly fading from his face. She had a bad feeling about this.

The caretaker left the room grumpily and Draco, smiling formally, thanked Slughorn for letting him stay. Snape, standing next to them, seemed to have been really displeased with something, although he had his usual poker face on.

'It's nothing, it's nothing,' said Slughorn, waving away Draco's thanks. 'I did know your grandfather, after all...'

'He always spoke very highly of you, sir,' he said, nonchalant as ever. 'Said you were the best potion-maker he'd ever known...'

But Pansy was watching Potter studiously now. She considered him a threat before, and now… The way he looked at Draco made her considerably uneasy. He looked as if he was looking for something – anything – to confirm his theory. Theory no one believed in, nonetheless – if he set his mind on something, he'd surely find something out. Something he shouldn't.

'I'd like a word with you, Draco,' said Snape suddenly.

'Oh, now, Severus,' interrupted Slughorn, hiccoughing. 'It's Christmas, don't be too hard –'

'I'm his Head of House, and I shall decide how hard, or otherwise, to be,' said Snape curtly. 'Follow me, Draco.'

When they headed out, she found Potter in the crowd again, only to see him whisper something to Lovegood and go after them.

'What the fuck does he think he's doing?' asked Blaise, clearly terrified. She didn't even bother to reply and hurried after him.


	9. Christmas Party, part 2

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone, and Harry Potter's just made it to the top of the list. She wanted to ask herself how can he even dare follow Draco, but the small voice at the back of her head responded, that she was doing the exact same thing. She focused back on Potter. But as soon as he walked down the stairs, he took something out of his pocket. He completely disappeared. For a second, she had no idea what's just happened, but then, the thought stroke her.

'That dick has an invisibility cloak. Obviously' she muttered under her breath. She tried casting a concealment charm on herself but failed to do so, which only made her more irritated. Potter couldn't see her, otherwise, he'd comment that somehow later on, or worse, reveal himself and start talking, which would cause them to fail to listen into the conversation.

She supposed he would be able to do something equally stupid so she tried casting it again. She was practising it with Umbridge last year, so she could spy on Dumbledore's Army, but she'd never really got the hang of it. But now, she really had to succeed. She tried again and finally saw her body disappear. She cast homenum revelio – the first charm that crossed her mind, to localise Potter. It didn't work. Luckily, she heard angry voices, coming from one of the classrooms. She decided to carefully crouch next to the door, almost praying that she wouldn't bump into Potter. Thankfully, she succeeded, hoping at the same time he wouldn't notice her. But considering how absorbed he must have been in the situation, it shouldn't be too hard.

She put her ear to the door and tried to listen in.

'I didn't have anything to do with it, all right?' asked Draco angrily.

'I hope you are telling the truth because it was both clumsy and foolish. Already you are suspected of having a hand in it,' said Snape coolly.

'Who suspects me? For the last time, I didn't do it, okay? That Bell girl must've had an enemy no one knows about – don't look at me like that! I know what you're doing, I'm not stupid, but it won't work – I can stop you!'

There was a silence for a moment, so she put her ear closer to the door.

'Ah… Aunt Bellatrix has been teaching you Occlumency, I see,' said Snape quietly. 'What thoughts are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco?'

Pansy cringed at that name… Bellatrix? He'd only heard about her once she escaped the Azkaban, but she was a psycho and she thought Draco was aware of that. Pansy definitely didn't like that.

'I'm not trying to conceal anything from him I just don't want you butting in!'

'So that is why you have been avoiding me this term? You have feared my interference?' asked Snape and Pansy came to a conclusion that Draco's been avoiding everyone. The only person that knew, Nott, was also the only person who would listen if he told him not to dwell on it. And he didn't.

'You realise that,' Snape continued, 'had anybody else failed to come to my office when I had told them repeatedly to be there, Draco -'

'So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!' jeered Draco.

'You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things,' answered Snape calmly, after a moment.

'You'd better stop telling me to come to your office, then!'

Why was he so… emotional? Why was he shouting? Pansy almost couldn't believe it was the same person. He'd never lost his cool – maybe apart from the time when he was turned into a ferret – but not like that, he never has. It was incredibly stupid to shout at the professor, so what was he trying to achieve?

'Listen to me, I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco –'

'Unbreakable Vow?', thought Pansy, terrified. It had to be awfully serious if his mother asked this of Snape.

'Looks like you'll have to break it, then, because I don't need your protection! It's my job, he gave it to me and I'm doing it. I've got a plan and it's going to work, it's just taking a bit longer than I thought it would!'

'Why, why does he have to be this stubborn?', Pansy asked herself. If he had Snape, he'd… well, it'd just be better with him on his side.

'What is your plan?' asked Snape sceptically.

'It's none of your business!' shouted Draco again.

'If you tell me what you are trying to do, I can assist you –'

'I've got all the assistance I need, thanks, I'm not alone!'

'Of course he isn't', thought Pansy with a twinge in her heart. He had his private guards and Nott to whine to, the team of a dream, for Merlin's sake.

'You were certainly alone tonight, which was foolish in the extreme, wandering the corridors without lookouts or back-up. These are elementary mistakes –'

'I would've had Crabbe and Goyle with me if you hadn't put them in detention!'

'Keep your voice down!' growled Snape. 'If your friends Crabbe and Goyle intend to pass their Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. this time around, they will need to work a little harder than they are doing at pres–'

'What does it matter?' Draco interrupted. 'Defence Against the Dark Arts – it's all just a joke, isn't it, an act? Like any of us need protecting against the Dark Arts –'

'It is an act that is crucial to success, Draco! Where do you think I would have been all these years if I had not known how to act? Now listen to me! You are being incautious, wandering around at night, getting yourself caught, and if you are placing your reliance on assistants like Crabbe and Goyle–'

'They're not the only ones, I've got other people on my side, better people!'

Pansy wondered whether he thought about Nott, but he didn't really help him, per se. But he did use the plural – 'people' so… was there anyone else helping him?

'Then why not confide in me, and I can –'

'I know what you're up to! You want to steal my glory!'

Pansy just shook her head as she felt tears prickling in her eyes. Why, why was he like that? Instead of accepting help, he just attacked those who were willing to offer him a hand – and that was destroying him even more.

'You are speaking like a child,' said Snape coldly. 'I quite understand that your father's capture and imprisonment has upset you, but –'

Both Potter and she had seconds to get away from the door. But Pansy also had to watch out not to bump into the invisible Harry. She took a few quick steps back, hoping he'd go the other way, as Draco stormed out of the classroom and Potter's feet appeared for a mere second on the floor, next to the door. Pansy waited patiently for Snape to come out of the room and go back to the party. She assumed Potter hurried after him but waited a little longer just in case, and only then, did she remove her charms and went after Draco, hoping she could still catch up with him.

She broke into the run on the long corridor, when she finally saw the blonde figure and called after him. He turned away, clearly surprised.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

'Everything,' she admitted. She didn't want to reveal what she'd heard just now. It still felt as it was not enough information. And… well, it was the invasion of privacy.

'You've been crying,' he added, studying her for a second and she cursed herself for not trying to conceal it. 'Was it Blaise?'

'What? No, no, he's still at the party,' she replied.

'Well, then, what is it?' he asked, a suspicion raising in his voice.

'I heard shouting. Did Snape give you detention?'

She hoped it wasn't too much and that he wouldn't realise what she'd actually heard.

'No, no, he didn't,' he said, anger flashing in his eyes for a second.

'Well, you're clearly angry about something.'

'It's nothing.'

'It's always nothing, isn't it?' she said, treacherous tears springing into her eyes again. 'Well, if you like being alone so much, I'll leave you alone, whatever you want. But don't tell me it's none of my business, because it fucking is, all right?'

'You wouldn't un-'

'Oh, spare me this, Draco!' she shouted, surprised at her reaction. 'Crabbe and Goyle know, Nott knows, even Snape knows, apparently, but you'd always just leave me alone, out in the cold, wouldn't you?'

'Do you always have to know everything? I can't tell you… I just can't' he asked tiredly, looking at her steadily.

She shook her head in disbelief.

'Well, that's what you get for caring about someone,' she said quietly and twirled around, heading for the staircase. He grabbed her arm and turned her around again.

'Why?' he asked.

She snorted, 'You might have asked me this question last year, Draco, but not now, because I truly don't know anymore.'

He still held her arm as if he was trying to stop her from running. Ironically, because it was he who was running from her for the last couple of months.

'Why won't you let that go?' he asked.

'Well, I can't, can you?'

They just stared into each other's eyes for a second, as if that would've made things different. But then, something changed. Pansy wasn't sure if he felt it too, but their staring became suddenly more intense and even if she wanted to stop, she couldn't. It was physically impossible for her to avert the gaze.

Before she knew what was happening, he pinned her to the wall, and before she could even react, he started kissing her fervently. She didn't know where it came from but pulled him even closer by his tie so that she could swear he could feel heart hammering in her chest. He didn't stop like the last time, though. He even deepened the kiss, as she ran the hand through his hair. And there it was again, she could feel his sadness fading away, his problems forgotten, as well as hers. He moved his hands to her waist so that there would be no distance left between them. It felt like time slowed down, they didn't stop, only kissed even more passionately. Finally, Draco moved his lips to her neck, biting her delicately behind the ear.

'There's a classroom on your right,' he whispered.

'Mhm,' she replied, which was the only thing she could say aloud at that moment. As he pressed their lips together again, she placed her right hand on the wall, looking for the handle.

But then, they heard footsteps. Draco jumped back, and as realisation dawned upon him, he looked terrified, which only made her feel degraded again.

'Pansy, I've been looking for you!' they heard Zabini's voice. However terrible she felt right now, she must've admitted that he'd jumped back just in time.

'I asked you to stay away from me,' said Draco so coldly, that she almost shivered. He turned away and hurried down the stairs, leaving her alone with Blaise.

'...What's just happened?' asked Zabini, rooted to the spot and watching Draco running away.

Pansy Parkinson hated crying, but there she was crying again, fighting Blaise off for a moment before he pulled her into a comforting hug.


	10. Sides

Pansy Parkinson loved Christmas. Or at least she had, up until this year when she was so severely depressed, that she couldn’t even enjoy it. Not only were her parents asking about Draco all the time, but they were also discussing the wizarding war rather heatedly. She was hoping that this war would never break out, but apparently – it already has, and with her parents talking about, it felt much more real. She was terrified at the thought of that.   
After they’d come back to Hogwarts, she was sitting with Blaise Zabini by the fire after dinner.   
‘So, we’re pretty much back where we started,’ she said, staring into the fireside.   
‘I’d say so if we didn’t find out a fair few things,’ acknowledged Blaise. ‘We know he took the Mark, we know where he’s working and what he’s doing with Crabbe and Goyle. The only reason why we don’t know WHAT he’s doing is that we didn’t sink to the level of stalking him.’   
She looked at him, surprised.   
‘Well, look who’s positive again,’ she mocked. ‘Never would’ve suspected you, Zabini, of comforting someone below your level.’  
He raised his eyebrows.  
‘Oh, don’t look at me like that, we all know your ego’s probably higher than You-Know-Who’s himself,’ she added surlily.   
‘So we’re back to fighting?’   
‘Whatever. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m done,’ she said, fighting away the tears. Again. Even though she promised herself, she’d separate herself from her emotions, just like she used to. But she couldn’t do that anymore, for some reason.   
‘And taking it out on me will fix it?’ he asked irreverently.   
‘Well, maybe!’ she raised her voice and sink herself into the chair a moment later. ‘I really think I’m done, though. I say, let him do whatever he wants.’  
‘Your voice and face are generally supposed to agree with what you’re saying, you know,’ he claimed thoughtfully. ‘And I thought you were a worthy liar.’   
‘I’m really done, Blaise, okay? Just let this go,’ she said, rubbing her eyes.   
‘You sound like Nott right now,’ he scolded her.   
She just shrugged indifferently. After the post-party situation with Draco, she was too depressed to care. It was just too much for her. He kept avoiding her, and whenever he saw her, he turned around and – if possible – he was even leaving the room she was in. At the classes where they sat together, he was sitting with Crabbe or Goyle now, leaving her and Blaise astonished. He stopped talking to her altogether – from the beginning of the year, he kept it to the minimum, but now he completely stopped it. Whenever she was determined enough to try and initiate the talk herself, he was saying he had something to do and was leaving the room. Once, when she tried to do so in the classroom, he said to a teacher that he wasn’t feeling well. He left for the Hospital Wing, even though it was McGonagall and it was quite hard to convince her it was the truth. Whenever they had any prefect duties, he just ignored her entirely or managed to bring someone with him, so that they wouldn’t be alone and he wouldn’t have to talk to her. She didn’t understand it and wasn’t sure she wanted to. Since the beginning of the year, they had only two serious talks – and both of them ended in kissing. But that surely couldn’t have been the reason, could it? Both of those talks concerned his task, but not talking altogether seemed a bit too extreme.   
And yet, the worst thing was insomnia. After that night, she started having more troubles sleeping – and there were nightmares, almost all of them concerning war and Draco killing someone or being killed himself. She was waking up covered in sweat, and that was how Daphne found her one night.   
‘Pansy! You’re all right?’ she asked worriedly.   
Pansy looked around the room to notice that the rest of the girls were still fast asleep. She took a while to calm herself down with a few deep breaths.   
‘You’re shaking,’ Daphne stated the obvious, but Pansy wasn’t able to say anything.  
‘Here,’ said the blond witch after she’d conjured some water into the glass on her bedside table.   
Parkinson nodded gratefully and drank the whole glass.  
‘Want to tell me what’s wrong?’ Daphne asked with a sad smile on her face. ‘You keep having those nightmares and dismissing me at night.’  
‘I am?’ Pansy asked, surprised.   
She didn’t remember anything like that. Only nightmares – playing in her head over and over again.  
Daphne nodded her head sadly.  
‘I even added the sleeping draught once or twice. You couldn’t fall asleep so I thought it would be a good idea,’ she admitted.   
‘But why?’  
‘So you’d sleep.’  
‘Yes, but why?’ Pansy repeated.   
Daphne shook her head in disbelief.   
‘You know, you were kind of our leader for five years –’  
Pansy snorted.   
‘But most importantly – you were a friend. And, well, you might’ve acted so high and mighty, but some of us actually saw through you,’ she explained, smiling tensely.   
‘Well… I practically didn’t have a sense of myself. So, technically, you couldn’t see through me,’ Pansy admitted truthfully.   
‘Oh, Pansy. Generally, you’re a mean bitch, and we all know it,’ she grinned, so Pansy returned the smile. ‘And you might hate people in general and insult them or just laugh at them, but when you care about someone, you don’t do short cuts, okay? You might not tell them that, or you might not want to show them, either, but you care for them in your own, twisted way.’  
Pansy smiled slightly at those words but didn’t bring herself to look at her.   
‘As you care for Draco,’ continued Daphne, raising her hand so that she would not interrupt her. ‘And I know it’s hard for you, but I’m afraid he’s already chosen his side, and you can’t really do anything about it. He might already regret it, but you know how it is when you’re so deep in something. Especially with him.’  
‘How do you know?’   
‘All Slytherins look up to him, it was just a matter of time before people realised something was wrong. No one knows what he’s up to, though. But I suppose this is what you’re trying to find out?’  
She nodded with agreement.   
‘Then, all I can say to you is good luck. I just hope it’s not too late for him,’ Daphne sighed sadly.   
‘So do I,’ admitted Pansy. ‘I… I just hope we can survive this world.’  
‘We will,’ declared Daphne confidently, giving her one-armed hug.   
‘Why isn’t it easier? Whichever side wins, is going to hate us later for not fighting with them. But I’m not fighting, I’m not, I can’t...’  
‘I know,’ she said simply. ‘Let’s go back to sleep, okay? You don’t have to worry about anything just yet.’  
Pansy nodded and tried to fall asleep again, unsuccessfully. She kept turning around in bed. After a while, she could hear Daphne’s steady breath, which meant she’s managed to do what she couldn’t. Half an hour later, she decided she’s had enough of fidgeting, so she got up and went down to the deserted Common Room. If she wasn’t half-asleep, she probably wouldn’t get out to the corridor. It really would’ve been stupid to get caught, especially since she was a prefect. But if she stayed in there, she probably would’ve gone crazy. Hoping a walk would make her tired and clear her head, she headed outside. It was really cold this time of the night, but she didn’t mind. There was still a lot of snow which made her ankles freeze. Looking at the dark lake, she barely heard a voice behind her.  
‘What are you doing here?’  
She twirled around, terrified. She was standing opposite Draco who looked at her as if he’d seen a ghost.   
‘I could ask you the same question,’ she replied coldly, heart still hammering in her chest.   
‘It’d be stupid to get caught at this time of the night,’ he said absent-mindedly.  
‘Same goes to you. Or even more.’  
‘Just go back, Pansy,’ he said and turned away immediately.  
‘Are you going to fight for him?’ she shouted behind him, petrified that she managed to ask this question out loud. But it was bothering her so much, and she didn’t have much to lose at this point.   
Draco stopped and turned around, considering her and staring at her with a hurt look.  
‘I… I don’t know,’ he responded quietly.  
‘What do you mean you don’t know?’ she attacked.   
He averted her gaze, as usual, at least since he joined… them.  
‘It’s not that easy, okay!’ he raised his voice. ‘It’s not like it’s a… choice.’  
‘You always have a choice!’ she fired back.   
‘Well, I don’t!’ he yelled in desperation. ‘I’m not like you, I can’t just hide, okay? They expect things from me –’  
‘Then why did you agree at all? To what, feel special? To –’  
‘It wasn’t like that,’ he said quietly again.  
‘Wasn’t it? Right, so you didn’t feel… The Chosen One?’ she spat before she could stop herself.  
Draco’s face changed in a second, and it didn’t show any emotions any more. It became cold and distant. Like made of stone.   
‘I told you, you wouldn’t understand’ he said indifferently. ‘I wasn’t wrong, then.’  
‘Don’t turn your back on me again!’ she shouted after him, and he faced her again.  
‘Stop it, okay? You have no idea about this whole situation –’  
‘Because you won’t tell me!’  
He sighed heavily, ‘Because I can’t, okay?’  
‘That’s not an excuse,’ she crossed her arms. ‘Theo knows.’  
‘It has to be enough –’  
‘Well, it’s not! You can’t just ignore me most of the time and then – well, and then do whatever it is that happened –’  
‘Nothing happened’ he interrupted her coldly.  
Pansy snorted, ‘You always have to do that, don’t you, you can’t just –’  
‘I told you, I can’t,’ he said, suddenly calm. ‘Because I am not dragging you down with me, so stop fighting me.’  
She looked at him in surprise and caught his eyes for the first time that night. They suddenly became less distant. However, his face still seemed indifferent.   
‘I do hope you two have a really good explanation for this,’ said a cold voice behind them, which made them shiver.  
Minerva McGonagall was dressed in her nightgown, so apparently, they must have woken her up.   
‘We heard shouting, professor. We decided to see what’s going on,’ said Draco smoothly, but McGonagall just raised her eyebrow sceptically.  
‘And how on earth could you hear –’  
‘We were in the Common Room, professor. We… couldn’t sleep,’ blurted Pansy sheepishly.   
‘I see,’ she said coldly, narrowing her eyes dangerously. ‘Then please do explain why the only voices I’ve heard, were yours.’  
‘Please, Minerva, they’ve explained themselves already.’   
Severus Snape appeared out of nowhere, and Pansy thought they were rescued. Draco, on the other hand, tensed much more.   
‘Fair enough,’ she said unconvinced. ‘They’re in your house. But if I catch you two again –’  
‘That’s enough, Minerva. As you’ve said – they are in my house. Goodnight.’ said Snape coldly.  
‘…Goodnight, Severus,’ she replied, sizing him up, and turning around just to disappear around the corner in the next second.   
Professor turned to Draco almost immediately when he was sure McGonagall was out of earshot.   
‘It’s the second time you’ve been so foolishly caught –’  
‘I told you, I don’t need your help, so stop protecting me!’ Draco burst out.   
‘And you, Parkinson, I thought better of you than to let Draco get himself –’  
‘Well, since I don’t understand why it’s so important for him not to get caught, you can’t really blame me, professor,’ she said with a nasty smile. ‘If he had a competent help, then maybe he wouldn’t.’  
‘...You said you had better people, Draco, who did you mean?’ asked Snape, turning his dark eyes back on Draco.   
‘It’s none of your business, how many times do I have to tell you!’  
Pansy sighed.  
‘Honestly, Draco, maybe you should just trust someone, I can go if you want –’  
‘You’re siding with him?’ he spat, pointing his finger at the black figure of Snape.  
‘I’m just saying, you can’t do this alone –’  
‘You two have to get over the fact that I’m not telling you anything!’ he shouted so viciously, Pansy took a step back.   
‘Fine,’ she whispered, giving in. ‘But… I’m there if you need me, okay? Try not to forget that. Goodnight and thank you, professor. I won’t wander around the castle at night again, I promise.’  
Snape nodded at Pansy as she left them, trying to stop tears yet again. Pansy Parkinson hated feeling hopeless.


	11. The Poison

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone – for feeling so hopeless and for giving up. Though she knew perfectly well, it was her fault and nobody else's. Daphne made her feel better – meanwhile, Blaise was trying to motivate her, unsuccessfully. But her last talk with Draco still echoed in her head and left her feeling desperately hopeless.

The only thing that was quite enjoyable was Apparation lessons. She didn't manage to do more than split and leave her fingernail in a different place, but it was weirdly motivating, and it helped her clear her head. Everything would be great if Potter didn't snoop around again. She was sure that at the last lesson he went at the back of the room only to eavesdrop on Draco. And since he found out that Crabbe and Goyle were guarding something, knowing Potter he'd use his cloak or something else to spy on them.

If that wasn't the worst, there was the case of Crabbe and Goyle. Even they started asking questions, not only infuriating Draco but also making her feel worse and without hope. Talking strategy with Blaise over and over again made her feel even more desperate since she didn't have any ideas nor motivation.

'You're a Slytherin, for Salazar's sake, you can't just give up,' he told her for the thousandth time before their Charms lesson.

'I know,' she sighed heavily. 'I just have no idea what to do with it. After what I've heard... I just don't think we can persuade him in any way to tell us what's going on.'

Blaise looked at her closely but didn't comment. When they went into the classroom, they sat in the farthest corner, hoping they wouldn't be noticed or overheard there.

'Something happened between you two,' he noticed suddenly.

'Excuse me?'

'Well, you told me about the fight, but there's something else, isn't there?'

She glanced at him warningly.

'We were supposed to work together, remember?' he asked.

'Well, I'm not sharing every piece of my life with you,' she snapped.

'All right, but seeing as you've already told me, everyone is becoming more and more suspicious. What about Potter, then?'

'What about him?' she asked absent-mindedly.

'He's investigating him, isn't he, so –'

'He's doing what?' they heard a hiss behind them, just to see Nott sitting next to them with a furious look on his face.

'Er –' started Pansy.

'He might be… you know, looking into it?' suggested Blaise, apparently terrified of someone for the first time in his life.

'What do you mean Potter's investigating him, what is that supposed to mean? Does he know anything?'

'Well, he – um – I don't really know how he knows about it? But he suspects something and, so he'd heard his fight with Snape when Snape was trying to offer his help and well, he might've figured out that Draco took the Mark and that Snape is on his side,' urged Pansy breathlessly. 'Plus, he overheard Draco's and Crabbe's fight, and now he knows he's got Crabbe and Goyle guarding something for him.'

Nott definitely didn't resemble his old self. He looked purely enraged, but neither Pansy nor Blaise knew whether he was going to start shouting or storm out of the classroom, so they just stared at him, transfixed.

'That is not good,' he whispered finally, weirdly calm.

'Oh really –' started Blaise but Pansy kicked him in the shin under the table to shut him up.

It was not smart to infuriate Nott right now, especially since they didn't know this side of him. And that made him unpredictable.

'How much does he know?' he asked after a long while, in which professor Flitwick explained how important non-verbal spells were, especially during the real duel.

'I don't know,' sighed Pansy. 'I mean, he's got a Cloak of Invisibility –'

'He's got what now?' Theo hissed through the gritted teeth.

'That's how he sneaked up on Draco and Snape. I think he knows about the Mark and that he's got some kind of a task, and that Crabbe and Goyle are guarding something – I don't know if anything more,' explained Pansy. 'But… He's got Granger on his side.'

'It doesn't mean anything, yet,' reassured them Blaise. 'But we should watch out for them, Draco might not even realise this.'

'Yeah, and with the Weasel's hatred and temperament, it can get difficult,' added Pansy.

'Weasel won't be a problem for a while,' said Theodore ominously.

'What do you mean?' she asked, surprised. 'If you're thinking about him being constantly attached to Browns' face, I think they'll get bored of it sometime soon, I doubt any of the two will last longer than-'

'Haven't you heard?' Theo interrupted.

Both of them shook their heads, sharing surprised looks.

'He's been poisoned. And apparently, in Slughorn's office,' he explained. 'From one of the flasks that supposedly was for Slughorn himself.'

'You don't think...' Pansy started, terrified.

'He stopped talking to me, so I don't know what I think,' admitted Theo bitterly.

'The necklace...'

'Yeah, I suppose,' shrugged Nott.

'But why would he want to poison Slughorn?' asked Blaise, knowing that Nott could easily answer this. Theo, however, pretended to be focused on the lesson now, which made Pansy sigh irritably.

'Are you still doing this?' she asked.

'And you're still pushing? I told you. Not my secret to share. Probably Weasel is going to tell you more than I am,' Theo replied coolly.

'Anyway,' said Pansy determinedly, looking directly at Blaise. 'I'm back in the game –'

'Now, practice this spell where you're sitting, but please, do watch out for others while you're practising,' requested Flitwick with concern.

'Shall we investigate Weasel, then?' asked Zabini as they took the wands out.

'I suggest Slughorn,' she smiled deviously.

'Now you're making sense. Welcome back.'

'Okay, I'll try asking again. Just stop digging,' said Theo tensely.

'Nott is getting more and more uneasy, so we're getting closer,' noted Blaise, ignoring a thunderous look Theodore shot at him.

'Well, I guess we should do it quickly, then? This week, but we should wait a couple of days so that Slughorn wouldn't expect that kind of questions in case he didn't want to say anything,' decided Pansy.

'I agree,' said Blaise, much to her surprise.

'I can see this teamwork is working for you, Blaise, you're almost unrecognisable right now.'

'Maybe he's just winning you over so you could do his bidding later on,' noticed Theo, and the other two almost sighed with relief.

'Welcome back, again,' smiled Pansy.

'Are you suggesting I haven't been here all the time?'

'Miss Parkinson, could you show me a non-verbal spell of your choosing?' asked Flitwick nicely, moving to their table.

'Er – sure – I mean, of course, professor,' she said, looking around frantically and wondering what she could do. She decided on a silent Accio and Wingardium Leviosa, hoping it would be enough. She couldn't do anything harder since she wasn't focused and – to be honest – didn't really listen to what the professor was saying during the lesson. Flitwick seemed satisfied with her demonstration, though, because he nodded enthusiastically and continued his walk through the desks.

'Wow, you could almost compete with Potter now,' jeered Blaise.

'If you don't shut up, I'll just use silent Avada.'

'Please, that'd be way too normal for him,' sneered Theo. 'He'd prefer, I don't know, get stung by a Blast-Ended Skrewt. In a spectacular fight, of course. He'd only survive to find out – five years later – that because of it, he now has a new fatal disease, which makes him the only person on Earth to have it.'

Pansy laughed, but Blaise didn't seem amused. He just seized them up and didn't comment.

'On his funeral, of course, there would have to be Blast-Ended Skrewts dancing to the –'

'Nott, you really have to learn when to shut up,' said Blaise with a warning look.

'A few seconds ago you were over the moon that I'm not whining and am back to my usual, cheerful self,' he said with a nasty smile which, as usual, didn't quite reach his eyes.

'If your usual cheerful self knows when to shut up I have nothing against it,' growled Zabini.

'If he did, he wouldn't be cheerful,' Theo fired back, exactly when the bell rang.

'Okay, as fun as it is, I'm going to leave you boys to your bickering. I'm going to talk to the only sane person in this classroom,' said Pansy confidently and caught Daphne alone before she could leave the classroom.

'Hi,' she said sheepishly.

She still couldn't get her head around the fact that Daphne took care of her while she was having nightmares. She was very grateful, but for some reason, also felt exposed at the same time. She didn't like when people knew her weak points, and now the older Greengrass did.

'Hi,' Daphne replied. 'Something happened?'

'Oh, no, I just wanted to ask you whether you've heard about Weasel and if you knew anything,' admitted Pansy truthfully.

'Gossiping again, are we, Parkinson?' she mocked.

Pansy smiled apologetically.

'I just thought you would've heard something.'

'Of course I did,' said Daphne, smirking. 'From what I know, Potter and Weasley went to Slughorn. Apparently, Weasley got stuffed with some love potion, some people think it was even Amortentia since he was going absolutely crazy!'

'What was he doing?'

'The gossips say he literally punched Potter in the face-'

'No way!'

'Yes! And then, Slughorn gave him something to drink, he was fine. But then he got something else that turned out to be a poison. Potter, as our new – er – potions master – allegedly saved Weasley's life,' she explained, smiling wickedly throughout the story. 'So, in conclusion, Potter gets to be the hero again, and Weasley is his usual, loser, self.'

'Who stuffed him with the love potion, though?' asked Pansy curiously.

'No idea, unfortunately. I mean, I've heard some people wondering if he hadn't eaten something Romilda Vane gave to Potter... Because apparently, she tried that a while ago, and well, Weasley is known for his… hasty eating. But those are far-fetched theories, so I'm not sure.'

'And why did Slughorn have this poison? I mean, he is a potions master, isn't he, so he… well… shouldn't he recognise it?'

'That's the mystery behind this all,' Daphne said conspiratorially. 'He had to get it from somewhere, right? We know he didn't do it, that'd be stupid, and he was a Slytherin, after all. And, well, he wouldn't work here anymore, would he?'

'So you say someone must have given it to him?' asked Pansy with a blank voice.

'I think so. I don't know who or why, but it seems to me like there was no other way. Maybe it was some kind of present? For Christmas?' shrugged Daphne.

'But I guess we won't find out, either way,' added Pansy and the blond witch nodded sadly.

'No, gossips come and go, and you know that better than anyone,' she said, winked at her and left towards the Great Hall.

Now, she only had to figure out how to force Slughorn into talking. She didn't worry about it, though. Pansy Parkinson always had a plan.


	12. Bezoar

CHAPTER TWELVE: Bezoar

Pansy Parkinson hated having to get along with people, especially while making any sort of plan. It wasn't her fault that she naturally didn't agree with anyone. What was even worse, the others knew she would not act accordingly to the plan, so they just tried to get her to cooperate.

Their plan wasn't the worst but definitely wasn't the best. After a few days of fighting, both Blaise and she decided to pay a visit to Slughorn after their second period and start conversation quite inconspicuously – to give him a sense of comfort. Then, if they saw he was inattentive, they would ask what happened to Weasel. It was rather hard to choose the moment because Theodore developed a very annoying habit of chatting them up whenever they decided it's time to put the plan in motion. They didn't know whether he eavesdropped on them or whether he just had great intuition. But at those times he just appeared out of nowhere and made them listen to – most definitely made-up – stories that had happened to him over lunch or overnight. Blaise would look very grumpy at those times and then, Theo would decide he needed a bit of cheering up, so he would start to make up even weirder stories. That, of course, made Zabini only more furious. Pansy tried to ignore it and eventually decided to go to Slughorn whenever they were free of Nott.

When they finished Transfiguration and noticed that Theodore headed to the Common Room, they quickly went down to the Potions classroom, hoping to catch Slughorn there. It was the first time Theo left the class before they did, so it might as well have been their only chance – they didn't intend to waste it.

They weren't disappointed. Slughorn had just finished his lesson but was still sitting in the classroom at his usual desk, sipping some kind of tea, while grading the papers.

The Potions' classroom wasn't as dim as it was back when Snape used to work here. Even though they were in the dungeons, there was a little bit of light – which slightly lifted their spirits. If they felt hopeful, maybe the conversation wouldn't end in a complete catastrophe.

'Hello, professor,' they greeted him politely as they went into the classroom.

Slughorn almost jumped.

'You scared me!' he admitted, before smiling up to them. 'What brings you here?'

Pansy and Blaise shared an uncertain look.

'Well, professor,' started Pansy, sitting opposite the teacher's desk and Blaise followed her. 'We've got a question about Golpalott's Third Law.'

Blaise gave her a thunderous look and muttered something similar to 'unbelievable'. But to Pansy, it seemed like the best way to get anything out of him, at least right now. She couldn't help but improvise.

'Yes?' asked Professor.

'If I understand it correctly, you have to know the antidote to each of the ingredients of the potion we're making the antidote to, is that right?'

'It depends on the antidote… but, in conclusion, yes. If you're not making anything more general, that is,' explained professor, still smiling.

'Well, yes, but in our third year, as Blaise here noticed, we were taught the Antidote to Common Poisons, and one of the ingredients was bezoar...'

'Yes, it is, miss Parkinson, but what is exactly your point?'

'Well, Pot – I mean, Harry – on one of our lesson a while back, used just bezoar, right? So why bother with any antidotes if bezoar alone is an antidote to almost everything?'

'Ability to brew antidotes is very important in potion-making, there might not be bezoar in stock, for example. It's used in Antidote to Common Poisons because it is, in fact, the antidote to most injuries –'

'Yes, we understand that, professor,' interrupted Zabini, finally deciding to play along. 'But then why not just extract more bezoar since it's so useful?'

Pansy almost smiled when she saw him cooperating but kept her poker face on, in case Slughorn started to suspect something.

'Most importantly, bezoar doesn't work for everything. And to create such complicated antidotes as for Veritaserum or Basilisk venom, you need to learn to create much simpler ones,' he explained happily. 'Besides, it's sometimes simply not convenient to use bezoar. It's more of a first-aid antidote. To more severe injuries and poisons, it's better to brew an antidote because it must be taken several times.'

'So… bezoar will save a life but will not necessarily cure the person completely?' asked Pansy.

'Something like that. To most poisons, however, bezoar is enough.'

'But Weasley was moved to the hospital wing either way. And it was bezoar that saved his life, wasn't it?' risked Pansy trying to keep her face straight. She had a feeling Blaise was planning her murder right about now. 'So bezoar must've saved his life, but he had to be moved to the Hospital Wing to be cured completely. Therefore, the poison must've been very strong.'

Professor looked quite shocked at this insinuation.

'But –'

'We've heard Weasley has been poisoned so we figured if it was Potter who helped him, it must've been bezoar, so it got us thinking,' explained Pansy in a slightly shaky voice.

'I'm not supposed to discuss –'

'We know, professor,' assured Zabini with a brilliant smile that bought him into most teachers' graces. 'But we wanted to ask since it's important if we were to save someone's life in the future, right?'

Pansy looked at him with gratitude.

'...Right,' said Slughorn, uncertainly. 'Yes, you've – er – heard correctly. It was Mr Potter who found bezoar and saved Mr Weasley, yes.'

'But then, what poisoned him, anyway? What would happen if bezoar was too weak to save him at that moment?' insisted Pansy.

'I'm really not sure if I should be discussing it with you, it's Mr Weasley's health we're talking about and –'

'We assure you, professor, it won't go any further, we're just asking… scientifically,' pleaded Blaise.

'I do not know what was in it, it was given to me merely as an oak-matured mead, I had no idea –' sighed Slughorn heavily.

'But, professor, aren't you afraid that it was given to you to poison you?' asked Pansy with concern.

'Me? It wasn't even for me I was supposed to give it to Alb –' he said, stopping mid-sentence, terrified at his own words.

' –us Dumbledore?' finished Blaise, looking at Pansy with horror.

She sat there as if she got petrified. She was looking at Slughorn with round eyes but after he snapped out of it, he started waving his hands.

'What are you doing, you two, you shouldn't even be asking me about this!' he bellowed. 'You think you can just poke around? You are not entitled to have that information!'

Pansy and Blaise quickly got up and muttered their apologies a couple of times and hurried out of the classroom, before he could give them detention – or worse – tell Snape or even Dumbledore.

When they disappeared around the corner, Pansy leaned back on the wall and a moment later, slipped down to the floor. Blaise glanced at her with concern.

'You okay?' he asked, watching her when she hid face in her palms.

She started laughing hysterically.

'Oh, yes, I'm perfect, Blaise!' she shouted as he sat down next to her.

'Don't even try to touch me!' she shrieked.

'Hey, I know that it's worse – well, tragically worse – than we had thought, but we can help him – stop him,' said Blaise comfortingly.

'You don't understand! He's going to do it, either way.'

Zabini's face fell for a second.

'We'll try our best, then,' he assured her, seeing her face was in tears. 'Besides, we can't be sure they're letting only one person to –'

'But why… Why would they let him do it…. His mum –' she mumbled, ignoring him completely.

'Calm down,' he said quietly, putting an arm around her.

'I will not calm down, Blaise!' she snapped, getting up to her feet. 'He will do it, he's got his pride and this fucking need to be the best –'

'He's doing it to get his parents out of trouble, isn't he?'

'Well, obviously! Trying to help them and then – such an opportunity – obviously he took it, and his parents not even trying to stop him and –'

'You don't know that.'

'Well, he took it, didn't he, Blaise, so they either didn't try hard enough or didn't try at all!'

'Keep it down!' said Blaise urgently.

'I can't!' she yelled in panic, her voice and hands shaking.

Zabini had never seen her emotional – most of the times she just acted – so has he, so it wasn't weird for him. But seeing her in that state, surprised him to that extent, that he himself started to feel a bit uneasy. What if Draco really got round to do it?

'This is too much, too much,' she said, suddenly very aware of what was going on, genuinely terrified. 'The whole thing has gone too far. We can joke here about mudbloods – but to – adult people – children – killing – it's –'

Blaise just stood and looked at her resignedly. He didn't even know what to say.

'You can see how much I'd like to say "I told you so" right now. I'm too nice to do it, though' said a voice behind them.

Pansy turned around and saw a blurry, tall figure of Theodore Nott. She felt a way of immense anger towards him.

Not thinking this through, Pansy Parkinson took off in his direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So for some of you who despite everything follow this story, I apologise for a long break. I had a crazy time at the university, with online classes and all. But I'm back and hopefully, you haven't given up on me or the story!


	13. The Shelter

Pansy Parkinson hated Theodore Nott the most.

When she was close enough, she pushed him with such force that he stumbled and would've fallen if he didn't catch the wall for support.

'You!' she hissed. 'You pathetic, two-faced, blameworthy hypocrite!'

Theo was looking at her in surprise, paralysed. He glanced at Blaise for support but found him merely staring him down with a poker face.

'How could you do that, Theo, how could you?!' she kept shouting. 'And to think, you knew all this time! Unbelievable!'

' – What?' asked Theo with a great effort to sound indifferent.

'You kept acting like... as if he didn't... and you didn't even... you should've stopped him! You're impossible! You didn't do anything, Theo, how could you not have done anything?'

'I –'

'And to think I thought you were just being trustworthy – I even regarded you as a friend!'

'Let me –'

'You were just – and to think that as a kid of Death Eater you would've known better and would've… But why didn't you do anything?!'

'Because he asked me to!' he bellowed, finally being able to break through.

'What?' she said with disbelief, her face only paler.

'You think you know better, huh, Parkinson? Don't act like you know how it is to be a Death Eater's child, because you don't.'

'I'm not, I'm saying that as one, you should've stopped him!'

'Oh, because it's so easy! Both you and Blaise and your pure-blood families who knew better than to get involved! You have no idea how it is!'

'Oh, please, do tell us,' jeered Pansy.

Theo's eyes became dark and distant, but he seemed to have calmed down. Parkinson, on the other hand, seemed to send strikes of lightning herself.

'Imagine having a father who killed countless people and – in addition – is particularly proud of it,' he said coolly, and Pansy frowned.

'And a father who doesn't care what'll happen to you because his priority is pleasing the Dark Lord,' he added.

Pansy regained her posture but was nonetheless less angry now.

'Let's go to our dormitory. Draco's stuck with Crabbe and Goyle, they'll be out for a while,' said Theo because they were still standing in the corridor, where they could've been easily overheard.

The other two followed Nott into the Common Room which, for some reason, was quite empty and they headed to the dormitories. Theodore shared a room with Blaise, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle, so they still needed to be careful in case they came back.

Their room was slightly different from hers but was also in Slytherin colours. Black bedding was contrasting with emerald-green walls and wooden wardrobes with silvery ornaments. Blaise sat on his bed while Pansy sat quietly next to Theo on his.

They were sitting in silence for a long while. Pansy desperately tried to remove any signs of crying, but the more she wiped her eyes, the redder they became. She gave up after a second.

'So...' started Blaise, visibly uncomfortable. 'Is it time for a bed-time story?'

'Read the room, mate,' Theo scolded him, trying to hide a small smile.

'I'm sorry,' said Pansy abruptly.

Both of them looked at her, startled.

'Wha – What?' mumbled Nott after a second.

'I'm not saying that again,' she crossed her arms.

'Well – thank you.'

Blaise looked at them as if they were both idiots.

'Didn't expect that.'

'Okay, so… I guess I just wanted to say it's not that easy…' started Theo.

'I want to understand,' said Pansy.

He just nodded.

'I'll try to explain.'

He was fidgeting for a while, clearly thinking about what to say.

'You know, when the Dark Lord first came to power, my father was his supporter for a while already. One of the earliest, actually. Fought in the first war, which you probably know. When my mum died, he… Uh… Well, it's hard to say he took care of me because he didn't. He didn't even care much about her death. And even though he didn't go looking for the Dark Lord after he'd been considered gone, he was still a rather… devoted follower. It wasn't so bad until He came back a few years ago. Haven't really seen dad since, he tries to make up for the lost time, so he kills mudbloods and muggles left and right, probably hoping he'll be in the inner-circle again. Not going to happen, if you ask me, but I suppose my point is, trying to compensate for anything to the Dark Lord is… complicated, to say the least. I'm honestly surprised Lucius Malfoy is still alive after what had happened in the Department of Mysteries. When I'd heard about it, I thought it was only a matter of time before he was found dead.'

'Why would anyone follow someone who can kill you for any mistake?' asked Pansy, but Theo just smiled indulgently.

'They strongly believe in him. Blindly. You know, that he'll free the world of muggles and that wizardkind will be ruling the world. He's their only chance at greatness. And, let's not forget, they made up their mind years ago, it doesn't matter what they think now. Getting out of this is suicide.'

Pansy closed her eyes as if this could help her wrap her head around all this.

'Sorry' continued Theo. 'The worst thing about it is how hard it is to stay assertive. Probably impossible. Okay so making Draco a Death Eater might seem like a choice but only on the outside. Can you imagine what would've happened if he'd said no? His father was already on thin ice, sitting in Azkaban. I can't imagine how he would've got out of this alive. From what I've heard, his mother has put up some resistance, but she couldn't do much. It was eat or get eaten. Or in this case, kill or get killed.'

'The Unbreakable Vow...' recalled Pansy.

'What?' asked Theo, confused.

'His mother made Snape promise he'd help him. Or, something like that. He made the Unbreakable Vow. She's done everything she could.'

There was a moment of thick silence in the room.

'So I didn't do anything, because at this point nothing can really help him,' admitted Theo with sadness in his voice. 'I suppose he could try to appeal to the Order, but I doubt they'd help someone like him, especially since he wouldn't fight for them.'

'And his parents,' added Blaise.

'Yeah, that's a tough one. Even if Draco could get out of this, I doubt they would want help… I suppose Narcissa would, in the end, she's rather rational and cares for Draco more than anything, but Lucius… Even if he knew it'd better for him, he's in too deep now. He'd be signing his own execution. Although, if he was any less self-absorbed, he could do this for the other two.'

'Well, not everyone can sacrifice it all for someone,' noted Blaise.

'I guess. But it's family. And I reckon he'd do that if he wasn't so stubborn. He still believes they're gonna win. And if they do, well, then it's better for Draco to be where he is now,' sighed Theo.

'Why is it so unfair?' asked Pansy, hiding face in her palms.

'Nothing's fair. Life's not fair. But since we can't do anything about it, there's nothing to whine about,' noticed Theo, looking at their sad faces. 'We can only hope that stinking Potter will save the world, and everything will be sunshine and rainbows again.'

Pansy groaned.

'Save me, I don't think I'd survive if he became the hero for the second time.'

'Whichever side wins, we'll be the bad guys for not choosing the side. But let's be honest, sunshine and rainbows side will be more forgiving,' admitted Blaise thoughtfully.

'I agree,' nodded Theo. 'Look, I know it's hard, but I think the best thing to do is to go into hiding for now.'

'You mean… after the year's over?' asked Pansy.

'No, if we do that, then we're the runaways and if the Dark Lord wins – he'd say we don't share his beliefs, and we still need this argument to be valid in case he does. So we can't show we're afraid. I'm thinking about finding the place during the holidays and go into hiding when it starts.'

'How do we know it started?' asked Blaise sceptically.

'I suppose there'll be a battle here.'

'At Hogwarts?' asked Pansy, surprised.

'I guess. If Draco… If Dumbledore is killed, either the Dark Lord comes here to take over and… Excuse me for being sceptical, but I can't see McGonagall or Potter and his band just let it happen… Or, there's a possibility he lets Snape become the headmaster, and he comes here when he's already taken over the rest of the wizarding world.'

'That's… well-thought-out. And logical,' admitted Blaise with something that resembled admiration.

'I'm known for that, thanks.'

'Well, that's all very depressing,' sighed Pansy. 'Can we… Okay, don't use it against me later on. I know you will, but at least try, won't you? Can we maybe, possibly find a place to hide together?'

Theo and Blaise shared surprised looks.

'Of course,' agreed Nott finally. 'We can do it over summer. And when the time is right, we'll go there, I guess. I suppose if the battle takes place here, we'll be able to leave either way. What about your parents?'

Blaise snorted.

'What, you mean my supposed mother and who? Her eleventh husband? I think I've lost count. I don't care what she does. She's probably already out of the country, looking for her next husband and his money. I don't know.'

Pansy gave him a sympathetic look, but Theo just nodded.

'Pansy?' asked Nott.

'Well… I don't know yet. I have to find out what they think about it. During Christmas, they were talking about it a lot, but I'm not sure if they won't just stay put.'

'All right, then.'

'What about Draco, though?' she asked, trying to hide the pain in her voice.

Silence hanged between them, as everyone considered this inconvenient question.

'We can try, but –' started Theo finally.

'Yeah, I thought so,' she said in a strangled voice.

'We will try.'

'Okay. We should tell him, though, right? That we know?'

Theo nodded reluctantly.

'I suppose. But he's a drama queen, so I can't tell you how he'll react. You know, he can either get all McGonagall-on-Umbridge or Snape-on-Potter… So, you know, constant vigilance.'

Blaise and Pansy chuckled appreciatively. It would've been funnier if they didn't hear three pairs of footsteps going upstairs to their room. Pansy Parkinson felt heart hammering in her chest so fast, she could swear it would explode any second.


	14. The Task

Pansy Parkinson hated feeling scared, she hated it even more than people. And she was scared all the time lately. She heard footsteps, which were surely Draco's, Crabbe's and Goyle's. She wasn't ready to have this conversation, and yet Draco was bound to lose it once he sees all three of them together, with serious looks on their faces. He'd know. She started to tremble but luckily managed to hide it successfully by sticking nails into her palms.

The door slowly opened, and Pansy could swear all three of them held their breath at this moment.

Draco appeared at the entrance but looked so devastated and tired that it took him a while to notice them. When he did, however, he looked around the room, frowning. His eyes fixed on Theo.

'What the hell, Nott?' he asked furiously.

'We were just chatting,' replied Theodore confidently.

'About?'

'Bezoar,' said Blaise with an expressionless face. 'Have you heard about Weasel?'

Draco didn't even look in his direction, ignoring him completely.

'That's likely,' he sneered. 'You told them, Nott, didn't you? Even though –'

'I didn't,' stated Theo calmly.

'Well, I don't believe you –'

'That's a shame, then. It seems like not only do you underestimate them but also me.'

'I trusted you!' bellowed Draco, pointing his finger at him. Crabbe and Goyle slowly backed out to sit on the bed to avoid Malfoy's fury.

'And there is no situation whatsoever under which I would've broken your trust.'

'Stop being so bloody eloquent!'

'He really didn't tell us, Draco,' whispered Pansy hesitantly.

'What're you discussing here, then?' he asked aggressively.

'We… did find out, though,' risked Pansy, watching Draco getting paler and paler by the second. He took a step back as though he wanted to run, but he stood rooted to the spot and just shot daggers at them.

'I told you to stay away from this!' he burst out finally. 'I told you a million times!'

He stormed out, leaving them petrified.

'I'll… just go after him,' said Pansy hesitantly and ran out of the room. She caught up with him at the end of the corridor.

'What are you doing?' he asked angrily.

'What are you doing? You didn't tell us, all right, but we found out either way, not your fault, so would you please just talk to us –'

'I'm not talking to you,' he said, disgusted.

'Of course you're not,' she jeered. 'That would've hurt your ego, wouldn't it, you'd feel less special –'

'Why are you doing this again?' he asked furiously, ruffling his hair.

'Because I don't know how else I should make you see that we are not your enemies! For Merlin's sake, Draco, we're just trying to help you!'

'I don't want your help!'

She rolled her eyes and raised arms in defeat.

'Oh, my, God. You're so stubborn! It's not like we are going to use it against you and you should know better Draco. We don't have to discuss it thoroughly, we just want to talk –'

'What for?' he asked aggressively.

'To help you! Can't you see what's going on with you?' she said, risking a step forward. 'Look, I know you're horrible at getting people to know you – the real you – but we already do. I'm not asking you to confide in us completely, I'm just asking you to talk to us so you'd feel better. About… whatever. Just don't shut us out again.'

'Shutting you out was the easiest way to get on with the task,' he said quietly.

'I know,' she replied, brushing the hair away from his eyes. 'But it doesn't have to be that way. We're there for you, and I'm there for you –'

He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her closer. She looked up at him in surprise.

'What are you –'

He cut her off with a kiss, but this time it didn't feel like he was just caught up in the moment. This time, he seemed very much aware of what he was doing. It was tender and affectionate, which utterly confused her.

'You're right,' he said after he slowly pulled away after a moment. 'I can… try. Let's go.'

He went back to the room, and Pansy followed him, barely being able to stand and absolutely bewildered. When they went inside the room, Crabbe and Goyle looked at him curiously. They didn't know his secret but still helped him in whatever he was doing. Unfortunately, Draco noticed their gaze.

'Out,' he ordered them, pointing behind him. Crabbe and Goyle listened to him reluctantly but didn't stop themselves from shaking their heads in disbelief.

'That's well-handled. Except, you know, horrible,' said Theo, smiling uncomfortably.

'I'm not saying anything to them,' responded Draco coolly. 'They do what I say, without asking questions and I intend to keep it that way. I have no control over what they say to other people. The less they know, the better.'

Blaise and Theo cleared their throats awkwardly.

'...Do you maybe have firewhisky stashed somewhere? Not sure if I can handle this sober,' said Pansy, after a long silence. She didn't mean just the conversation they were about to have, but both Theo and Blaise didn't have to know that.

'Asking Blaise if he has firewhisky is like asking Lockhart to stop talking about himself,' noticed Theo with a hint of a smile. 'Also, when you propose firewhisky to Blaise he makes almost the same face that Lockhart does when you ask him for an autograph.'

'That, he does,' said Blaise happily as he rummaged through his wardrobe, pulling out two bottles with a golden beverage.

'I'm not discussing anything with you while drunk,' muttered Draco grumpily.

'Let's just think of it as a friends' gathering,' replied Blaise, pouring him a full glass, which he accepted grudgingly.

'Still. Whatever I could tell you, you already know.'

'Well, discuss it with us,' suggested Pansy, taking her drink.

'I just said I'm not –'

'Oh, would you stop,' Theo chopped him off. 'It's not the end of the world, you know. It will not fall apart once you talk to us.'

'That's what Pansy said,' he admitted, exasperated.

'I suppose it means we're right, then,' said Nott with a grin. 'Now, come on. Those two attempts just showed that you don't have any sufficient plan.'

Draco glared at him dangerously.

'I have a plan!' he bellowed. 'Just because I'm not sharing it with anyone...'

'What did you curse Bell for, then?' asked Blaise.

'It's taking longer than I expected, all right? I had to think of a plan B!'

'But why the rush, Draco?' asked Pansy. 'If you know it's a good plan, then why not wait –'

'Because. I – er – I'm not one hundred percent sure it will work, okay? I told Snape otherwise, hoping he'd piss off eventually, but…' Draco sighed, visibly calmer now. 'Well, he didn't.'

'Why don't you just let him help him?' asked Pansy desperately. 'He'd help you.'

Draco sneered, 'Right. He would, to constantly undermine me and eventually take –'

'Your glory?' said Pansy so coldly, that she could almost feel Theo shiver next to her.

'That's not what I –'

'That's exactly what you meant,' she interrupted. 'Do tell me, Draco, what exactly will be your glory? Killing our Headmaster or recognition in the army of the killers?'

Blaise kept shooting her warning looks, but she ignored him. Draco hid face in his hands and sighed heavily.

'It has to be this way, okay? If I tell myself –'

'But you don't. You actually believe that,' she said with a disappointment in her voice.

'Not… entirely,' he admitted. 'It's complicated.'

'Killing is complicated, you say?'

'Okay, I think we can all agree on the fact that killing is not good. But then, there are some circumstances which we can't change or do anything about them,' explained Theo hurriedly and Draco glanced at him gratefully.

'Well, I don't think so –'

'Pansy,' hissed Theo. 'We just got him back.'

She reluctantly stayed quiet and downed her glass.

'It's okay,' said Draco finally. 'Let's hear those questions.'

After a moment of silence, Blaise decided to go first.

'That Bell girl was Imperiused, wasn't she? But do you really think Dumbledore would've just opened and taken the necklace –'

'No,' he confessed. 'I don't. But I got the impossible mission, didn't I? Dumbledore, whatever his beliefs are, is one of the greatest wizards of our time and I just didn't know what to do, I panicked after my… main plan was on the verge of failing.'

'But Slughorn wasn't Imperiused, was he? He was supposed to give the mead to Dumbledore as a… a present?' continued Blaise.

Draco nodded.

'But Slughorn isn't very generous, is he? And I don't think Dumbledore would've fallen for that, either. He must've had –'

'I know that, too. It was… Well, it took longer and longer, and I was afraid I'd fail again.'

'But, what I don't understand is – why didn't you think this through? I mean, you're not exactly… impulsive,' noticed Pansy hesitantly.

'I guess I... I panicked. And well... you know. Failure is my boggart,' he stammered, averting their gaze.

'You have to succeed, though' whispered Theo gloomily.

'Yes,' he sighed. 'Or otherwise, me trying to save my parents or even just wanting to be – er – better, will fall to pieces.'

'So are you really doing it for your parents?' asked Blaise.

'I don't really have a choice, do I? It was supposed to be punishment for my father, but in the beginning, I took it happily. I was kind of oblivious, thinking I could do it. Now I'm questioning… basically, everything.'

'It's rather normal, I'd say,' said Theo, looking out of the window where it started raining terribly. 'It suddenly appears that your father was not right about everything.'

Draco nodded, 'Yeah, and it's not the worst. I think he's having a breakdown himself. Definitely, not helping.'

'Lucius Malfoy, a breakdown?' sneered Blaise, but Draco just glared at him.

'Afraid so. After his last failure, he might've seen that it's not exactly… easy to work for the Dark Lord. And now sitting in Azkaban – not a perfect place.'

'That's too depressive, just pour me more firewhisky,' demanded Theo, ignoring the furious look Draco shot him.

Pansy Parkinson had to agree, she's had enough as well, so she gave Nott her empty glass.


	15. The Firewhisky

Pansy Parkinson hated everyone, but at that moment, she didn't even care. They were all still sitting in the dormitory, three empty bottles of firewhisky standing next to the bin and one opened on the desk, near the window.

Pansy was sitting on the bed, her legs in Draco's lap, while Theo and Blaise had a heated discussion, sitting opposite them.

'I swear to Merlin, Zabini, that's what happened! I looked basilisk straight in the eyes! And it ran away!' persisted Theo, but Blaise was just shaking his head in disbelief.

'Yes, right, this story is as true as Lockhart's books. You won't convince me, Nott.'

'But, honey, what about a story with the dementor? Haven't you heard about Umbridge? Supposedly, one dementor kissed her, and IT DIED!'

'Do you mind switching seats?' asked Blaise with a pleading look towards Draco and Pansy who just laughed.

'But I swear, Blaise, darling!' bellowed Theo, throwing his arm around Zabini who tried to fold back.

'Anyway' continued Theo. 'If you don't want to believe me, then don't, but I'll be savouring these memories 'till the end of my life.'

Blaise just sighed heavily.

'You do you, Nott. Just remember about us when you'll team up with Lockhart to write a book,' smirked Draco.

'Joke's on you since he's in St. Mungo's!' bellowed Theo triumphantly.

'You sure know a lot about Lockhart, don't you?' asked Pansy snidely.

'You're very funny, Parkinson, I'm not –'

'His biggest fan? Or you're not having a crush on him? Too late, we already know about it,' said Draco, still smirking.

'Oh, come on. He was a Ravenclaw and learned one spell. I'm better than him. I know, like, two spells,' said Theo grumpily and Pansy giggled. 'See? She thinks I'm funny, at least.'

'More like desperate,' she retorted.

'Oh, guys, what is it? Have it in for an incredibly handsome and clever, one of a kind pure-blood wizard named Theodore Nott?'

'We could reply, but we all know your ego wouldn't have survived that,' chuckled Blaise.

'You've just admitted you don't know what to say, mate,' said Theo, clapping him on his back.

'That's not what I –'

'I'll pour us some more,' he said, ignoring Blaise completely.

The four of them were sitting for a moment in silence, while Theo tried to fill everyone's glasses. Taking into account the number of drinks he's had, his attempt was rather successful.

'Hey, can you imagine that this can very well be the last time we all hang out together?' asked Blaise suddenly.

Pansy shot him a warning look, and Theo growled.

'Come on, mate, we were supposed to have fun –' he started.

'Now that's effectively ruined,' said Draco flatly.

'Weren't we just drowning our sorrows? We could at least talk about it,' noted Blaise.

'We did talk about it –' Theo sighed.

'But I mean, where are we standing? What's going to happen?'

'We have discussed it, Blaise. The fight will probably happen here, so we have to run away before it starts,' answered Pansy, sipping her drink and not looking at either of them.

'What about you, Draco?' asked Blaise determinedly, looking directly at him.

Malfoy lowered his head, averting their gaze. He was looking into his half-filled glass as if hoping more would appear.

'I try not to think about it,' he admitted finally. 'If I fail this task… both my father and I will be dead. The Dark Lord will presumably bring my mother into this as well, and if he'll find out about the Unbreakable Vow… Well, if I don't fail, I'll probably have to fight. For them.'

'What about the Order?' asked Blaise, which made Draco snort.

'Right. As if they'd help us,' he jeered. 'With their righteous beliefs and heroic attitude they'd probably think we're better off dead.'

'Actually… I think those are the traits that would make them help you,' Theo said quietly.

'I don't need their pity,' sneered Draco.

All three of them shot him warning looks.

'Seriously, Draco, if they were willing to help, you should accept,' insisted Pansy confidently.

Malfoy laughed coldly.

'You still don't get it, do you? I couldn't accept their help, it's the Dark Lord we're talking about. What if he wins the war? He'd hunt us down and we wouldn't stand a chance. I'd be number one on his list.'

'What if the Order wins?' asked Blaise.

'We'd probably be outcasts, in Azkaban or simply loathed, but we'd be alive.'

'That's actually… probably as close to the truth as we can get,' admitted Theo.

'That's mainly all I think about, so I should hope so,' he smiled delicately. 'It's also easier that way for now. So I hope it'll turn out to be okay.'

'Well, I still don't understand one thing. The Dark Lord says he values witches and wizards of pure blood and even half-bloods, but he knows how many of them will fight for mudbloods and for… 'good'. And yet, he's still willing to kill them,' noted Pansy after a while.

'That's the only way to get his world order,' replied Draco with a sigh. 'And he's willing to do anything for that. For power. If the road to that lead by killing all Death Eaters, he'd do it.'

'Well, that's just horrible. I mean, you always need to have someone by your side. How else would he maintain the power?'

He looked at her sadly.

'Spoken like a true Slytherin,' he chuckled. 'Unfortunately, he's barely human. He doesn't know attachment or… anything, really. And I would say he's quite impulsive, which is weird, considering Potter's still alive.'

'Yeah, what's taking him so long? He's been back for two years,' wondered Theo.

'He's trying to plan it perfectly, I suppose,' shrugged Draco. 'All of his plans had failed before, so maybe he thinks that it needs to be every inch of perfection. Don't know.'

'That's the reason I think Potter actually stands a chance,' Pansy spoke up, and everyone in the room looked at her with mouth agape. 'I'm just saying, that all of his plans failed, and the longer he takes, the more time Potter has to prepare himself to whatever is coming to him. And he is not getting weaker.'

Draco shifted uncomfortably.

'I suppose it makes sense,' agreed Theo, slightly frowning. 'I can't believe I'm saying this… But for our situation, it'd probably be for the better.'

'Unless I don't fail the task, there is no difference for me. Either spend a life with a psychopathic, power-driven maniac or live in the world where I'm treated like trash,' said Draco with a hint of sadness in his voice.

'Well, for us it could be the same if the Dark Lord would forgive us for running away from fighting… Which I'm not so sure he'd be keen on doing,' admitted Pansy.

'I think he would,' said Draco confidently. 'I mean, he respects pure-bloods. He wants a world where they are superior. I doubt he'd just… kill you.'

'That wouldn't be so bad,' noted Blaise with an absent look. 'I think he'd just use us as puppets. If we didn't fight, he'd have the leverage he'd use to threaten us.'

'I'm afraid that's true. That's how he treats some Death Eaters, anyway. He wouldn't think twice if it meant strengthening his position. He doesn't care about devotion, he cares about obedience,' stated Theo, who apparently shared their depressive mood.

'It's just so fucked up,' sighed Pansy, hiding face in her palms. 'I mean if he at least treated his followers somewhat well. But this… It's too much.'

'It really is,' agreed Theo, filling their glasses once again.

'So it could really be the last time we hang out together,' added Blaise sadly.

'Whatever happens, we all have a chance at surviving, at least,' said Draco.

'Look at Mr Optimist, here,' sneered Theo. 'That's usually my job.'

'Your job is to make depressive jokes of everything and everyone in the most inappropriate of times,' commented Pansy, so Nott had to agree.

'Yeah, well. So are we going to discuss something less depressive now?' he asked hopefully.

'You mean your favourite Lockhart's outfit or his lipstick shade?' asked Pansy innocently.

He threw a pillow at her, but she just snorted and shook her head.

'That might be firewhisky talking, but I'm glad we've talked this through,' admitted Draco after a moment, carefully weighing words.

All of them looked at him in surprise.

'That's definitely firewhisky talking,' jeered Blaise, raising an eyebrow. 'What now, a group hug?'

'Yes!' shouted Theo so suddenly and unexpectedly that everyone shot him vary looks.

But before anyone could protest, he threw his arms around them and pulled into a hug.

'This is so embarrassing,' whispered Pansy.

'What if someone walked in right now?' asked Draco through the gritted teeth.

'I don't care,' said Theo, smiling blissfully.

'Honestly, for such a loner type, you really are surprisingly affectionate after alcohol,' commented Blaise ironically.

'It's because you guys are special.'

The rest of them automatically pulled back with disgusted grunting.

'Okay, mate, that's enough,' said Blaise and shot Theo a pitying look, which he ignored completely.

'Look, we'll throw pity party tomorrow,' he retorted. 'Once we're all hangover and trying to figure out a plan to help Draco – '

'You're not helping me –'

'But right now, let's enjoy a normal party. And whisky. And if whisky means group hugs, let's just roll with it, all right?' Theo said innocently, completely ignoring Draco.

Both Blaise and Pansy rolled their eyes.

'How about a toast?' asked Blaise.

'There you go, now you get it!' replied Theo happily.

'To… acquaintanceship?'

'...And you ruined it. To friendship!' bellowed Nott, throwing his arm up so enthusiastically, that it had to result in spilling some of the firewhisky.

'To… friend… ship,' repeated Blaise, as if he was about to choke on those words.

Theo looked expectantly at the rest of them.

'Oh, all right,' sighed Pansy resignedly, raising her glass. 'To friendship.'

'To friendship,' said Draco as quietly as he could, rolling his eyes theatrically.

Pansy Parkinson couldn't suppress a smile.


	16. The Lake

Pansy Parkinson hated being hungover. She woke up and immediately regretted it as a throbbing headache shot through her skull. She slowly opened her eyes, hoping there wouldn't be much sun to intensify her pain. Luckily, it was as rainy as it was the night before. She noticed it wasn't her dormitory – on her other side laid Draco and at the foot of the bed – Theo with his head on the floor but legs up. Also, for some reason, he had a curly golden wig on – which she had no idea where it came from. There must have been magic involved, but she couldn't remember it clearly. Although it was quite obvious it had something to do with Lockhart.

She looked over to the rest of the room – Blaise was lying in his bed and had his hair turned red. This, she remembered, happened after Zabini fell asleep. Needless to say, it was Theo's doing. Crabbe and Goyle were nowhere to be seen, and she wondered where they had gone and where they'd spent the night.

She took a glass from the nearby bedside table, and after a frantic search of her wand, she filled it with water. Even though she drank two full glasses, she was still thirsty.

'Look who's up,' said a quiet voice behind her and she looked around to see half-awoken Draco with his hair in a state of a complete mess. She laid down next to him.

'I think I might be dying,' she sighed theatrically and he chuckled.

'You're not the only one.'

'D'you think I'll have a lot of explaining to do with the girls?' she asked.

'I suppose,' he replied, pulling her close. 'Might as well have something to talk about, no?'

He lifted her chin and kissed her sweetly, but she pulled away.

'You taste like whisky,' she groaned.

'So do you,' he said, raising an eyebrow.

'Well, you might have a higher tolerance than me, because I'm pretty sure I won't touch whisky for approximately half a year now.'

'I'll remind you about that in, at most, two weeks,' he grinned.

'Get a room, you two,' said Theo out of the sudden, apparently wide awake – although remaining in his bizarre position.

'We would, Nott, if rooms weren't for five,' replied Draco with a devilish smile.

'Besides, technically we're already in a room, aren't we?' asked Pansy innocently.

'Very funny. You two are absolutely hilarious.'

'What? What is going on?' asked Blaise suddenly, sitting upright.

They all looked at him and burst out laughing. It must have hurt his ego because the first thing he did was look for a mirror.

'Dear Merlin,' he commented when he saw his bright red hair. 'Nott!'

But Theo was already gone – or so it seemed. Pansy knew this spell all too well. After all, it was Nott with who she practised concealment charm when she couldn't get the hang of it after lessons with Umbridge.

Pansy decided to go look for the girls – or at least Daphne. It's not like any of the others would like to talk to her and right back at them. Obviously, she could tell the truth, but would they believe? They were very pushy about her relationship with Draco. But truth be told, she herself has been talking about it non-stop for the last five years. Oh, what an idiot she was. If they were at least trustworthy – but they were as far from it as possible.

Luckily, or not, she ran into Daphne just as she was about to enter her dorm.

'Walk of shame, is it?' she asked with a smirk, sizing her up. Pansy might not have looked her best.

'Not really,' she replied truthfully. 'Guys and I… might have drunk a bit too much.'

'...And is there something else I should know about?' she persisted, smile not leaving her face.

'Apart from Nott wearing a blond wig, I don't suppose so.'

Daphne still didn't seem convinced, though. Pansy sighed heavily.

'Look,' she said. 'We fell asleep. Theo and Blaise were with us the whole time –'

'That's certainly one thing to make it more interesting,' chuckled Daphne with a raised eyebrow.

Pansy just glared at her thunderously.

'Okay, okay, I believe you, I'm just teasing' she said finally, raising her arms defensively. 'But I promise you, it'll be twice as hard with both Milicent and Tracey.'

'You think I don't know that?' groaned Pansy. She didn't want to think about it, but she entered the room, holding her breath.

Tracey and Milicent looked as if they were born with ironic smiles on their faces. Pansy decided not to look at them, so she went straight to her wardrobe to take the clothes. The rest two were whispering urgently behind her back.

'Something you want to ask me?' she spat out, turning around to face the witches.

Both of them looked startled at that question, but it was the red-haired one that decided to comment first:

'It's not like you to not come back to the room for a night, is it?'

'I'd say it's… exactly like me,' Pansy retorted with a raised eyebrow.

She has left their dorm lots of times during the nights when she couldn't sleep. Of course, she always came back shortly after, but stating that it was unusual, was plain stupid.

'You're feisty. It means something happened,' continued Tracey.

'Nothing happened, but something is happening right now. Putting up with you,' she fired back.

At the same time, she was choosing between the green and the black shirt.

'Come on, Pansy,' Bulstrode spoke up. 'Spill the beans!'

She looked at both of them sceptically. She knew all too well that no matter what she would tell them, they'd already had their own story that they will stick to, no matter what.

'We had a party,' she said simply.

'How did it end?' asked Tracey, almost ecstatic.

'With Theo dressing up as Lockhart and Blaise with red hair.'

The other two blinked, clearly shocked. Not the answer they were prepared to hear.

'Right,' sneered Milicent after a moment.

'You could see for yourselves, but I suppose they have already gone back to normal. Plus, I doubt anyone will say anything. So you just have to believe me,' she stated with a devious smile, shrugging.

'Like Nott would do something like that,' jeered Tracey. 'He's so… Um...'

'Uptight?' prompted Milicent.

'Yeah, totally.'

Pansy looked at them pityingly.

'Well, maybe that's because he doesn't feel the need to open up to people,' she said, going through her stuff to find a toilet bag.

She went to the bathroom without a second glance. She decided to leave that negativity. She couldn't stop the gossips either way, but she didn't have to engage in meaningless conversations.

In the evening, when Pansy decided she'd studied enough for the coming week, she went down to the Common Room. She noticed Theodore and Blaise sitting by the fire, so she sat down with them.

'How are you guys holding up?' she asked, seeing how tired they were.

'Not very good, thank you for asking,' replied Theo gloomily.

She shot him a worried look.

'Draco today was very grumpy,' explained Blaise.

'He was nice in the morning,' frowned Pansy.

Blaise shot her a meaningful glance.

'To you.'

Pansy shifted uncomfortably.

'Where is he?' she asked.

Theo and Blaise exchanged awkward glances.

'He – er – went for "a walk". Which is basically a ten in Draco's scale of being depressed,' said Theo carefully.

'Well, I'd, um… I'd better find him, then' she said awkwardly and went straight for the doors.

She could fill unsure glances of the two wizards, but she didn't turn around. She had to find Draco but had no idea where to look. If he went for 'a walk', there was a possibility to find him out in the grounds, maybe by the lake. Although it was late, she knew he liked going there, even if it meant breaking the rules. Therefore, she was not surprised when she saw a tall, brooding figure standing at the shore, looking into the silvery darkness of the water.

She walked over, not sure if he even wanted to see her. It was rather a hasty decision, but since she'd already found him, it would be stupid to leave now.

'Hi there,' she said quietly so as not to scare him.

He looked around but did not smile when he saw her. He turned towards the lake again.

'Hi,' he replied even more quietly.

'It's beautiful out here,' she said, feeling incredibly stupid.

Was that really a thing to say right now? Although she must have admitted, the moon was spectacularly bright tonight, which only added more silvery sparks to the surface of a lake.

'It is,' he agreed.

They stood in silence for a second, while Pansy wondered what she could possibly say right now. She didn't want to upset him. And yet, she knew that if she asked what's going on, he'd only get angry.

'What are you doing here?' he asked finally, glancing at her every few seconds.

'I've come to find you,' she replied truthfully, studying him.

He looked tired, more and more with each day. She supposed that the task had left a mark on him, he could not just remove with a good night's sleep.

'How did you know I'd be here?'

Pansy looked at him in surprise.

'Well… It wasn't that hard to guess, was it?'

'I suppose not,' he agreed, looking into the distance.

They stood a minute longer, a complete silence around them. It was so peaceful.

'Why?' he asked suddenly, staring straight into her eyes, which made her weak in her knees.

'Why what?'

'Why did you come to find me?'

Pansy weighed her words carefully.

'Well, Blaise and Theo said you were… not in the mood today. And that you went for a walk.'

'Yes, but why?' he asked again, grabbing her by the arm and not averting his gaze for even a second.

'Er… I- You know why,' she replied resignedly, looking down at her feet.

'Why?' he persisted.

She looked at him pleadingly.

'Don't make me say it.'

He looked taken aback for a second. He let go of her arm and stared into the distance again.

'Why wouldn't I make you say it?' he asked after a moment, while she stared at him, slightly terrified.

'The same reason you left me here last time,' she said quietly, tears already stinging her eyes.

His face was impossible to read – it didn't express anything.

'Maybe I regret it.'

'Either you do, or you don't.'

He sighed, turning the other way. He didn't even look at her. Not once.

'I'm just not sure how long I can keep up like that,' she added. 'It's just… painful.'

Draco finally looked over at her, regretfully.

'That wasn't my intention.'

'I know,' she whispered, looking down.

'It's not that I… I just can't.'

'Nor can I, not like that,' she admitted.

They were standing, looking into the dark lake and black trees looming over it. It seemed as if it was entirely deserted, even animals were nowhere to be seen or heard.

'I love you, though, you know,' he said suddenly and she breathed sharply, completely perplexed.

She looked at him wide-eyed and completely lost the ability to speak. She felt like she should say something, but she just stood there, with her mouth agape. He took her completely by surprise.

'But… Right now it's just… It's too complicated, and it's a bad time, and... And there will be even more bad times from now on. You're already too involved, and I have to protect you the only way I can. I- I'm sorry,' he said, merely looking at her.

And then, he left towards the castle without a second glance.

He left her. Again. In the exact same spot.

Pansy Parkinson was left alone again.


	17. The Kitchens

Even though Pansy Parkinson hated everyone, she hated especially four people right now. It involved Blaise, Theo and Daphne sitting by her door, apparently 'being good friends' and 'not wanting to leave her alone in the time of need'. For Merlin's sake, why couldn't they understand she wanted to be left alone? So what, someone she loved confessed he loved her too and then left with something that barely resembled explanation. It didn't mean she needed a fucking rescue party. Or an intervention. Or whatever they were trying to do. She snapped at them more than once today and yet, they were still sitting by the door of the Requirement Room where she'd spent almost all week. And she could hear them urgently whispering. All. The. Time.

She was suspecting they didn't even know what'd exactly happened. Draco wasn't the most opened person, not when he couldn't boast about something. Maybe Theo knew or suspected, but since he was loyal to Draco, nobody else would ever find out.

She was leaving the room just for classes. Sometimes, she would come down to the Great Hall for a meal. But she knew that it wouldn't last – Draco still had his mission – which meant that he had to do something in the Room of Requirement. And she wanted to avoid him at all cost. This is why she decided to stay there until Friday – she thought that with all these classes and homework, Draco would be busy as well. And therefore, will not come there.

Oh, how wrong she was.

Pansy was just getting back from Ancient Runes, ignoring Draco sitting near her, as much as she could. She sprinted out of the classroom to grab a sandwich from the kitchens. But when she went back to the Room of Requirement, there he stood. With two little Slytherin girls and a frown on his pale face, he studied the wall carefully. One of the girls noticed Pansy and whispered something urgently to Draco, who turned around terrified.

She didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to run – but she didn't. She stood in place, not being able to move a muscle. While staring at them, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but didn't let herself cry.

'Draco. Gregory. Vincent.' she greeted them officially as if addressing a professor.

'Pansy...' said Draco with a pain in his voice, the other two standing awkwardly behind him.

Not being able to even look at him, she decided to stare at the invisible door to the Room of Requirement.

'Theo tells me you're not holding up well,' he said carefully, but it made her incredibly mad at an instant.

Oh, really? Was she supposed to be jumping out of happiness? Throw a party?

'Oh, no, I'm great,' she waved her arm dismissively with an unmistakable sarcasm in her voice. 'Just peachy. You know, just as a person should feel after such an enjoyable talk.'

'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

She could feel his apologetic gaze but did not look up.

'Why, don't be,' she sneered. 'After all, you know, it's the timing. Not the effort or intention. No.'

In the back, Crabbe and Goyle in the bodies of innocent little Slytherin girls looked horribly uncomfortable. But then she realised she sincerely didn't care. She finally braced herself and looked straight into Draco's steely eyes.

'After all, it's better to push everyone away? Hurt them rather than let them know about one's weaknesses and insecurities, isn't it?' she hissed, turned around and simply left, without looking back.

For a moment, she was hoping he'd chase after her or at least call after her... But obviously, nothing happened. He stood there with Crabbe and Goyle and did nothing.

She didn't leave the room for the whole weekend. Well, to be frank, she barely moved out of the bed. She managed to charm the curtains so that no one could lift them. Lying was easier. This way, there was no need for facing her problems.

It's not like Draco was to blame, for turning his back on everyone. She understood why this way made it easier for him to cope with the task like that. But it didn't change the fact that she was miserable and furious at the same time. He could at least explain. Somehow. Make them understand his situation better. Just... Something.

She angrily threw a book to the other side of the bed. She couldn't focus on it anyway, no matter how good it was. The worst thing was, she had to get up sooner or later to get to classes.

When she managed to do that, reluctant as can be, she had to face Daphne, Milicent and Tracey.

When she appeared out of green curtains, the three worried faces turned around to look at her. Pansy felt incredibly uncomfortable.

'You're okay?' asked Daphne worriedly, standing up from her bed.

'Yup,' Pansy replied, not very convincingly.

'We should leave,' said Tracey, looking meaningfully at Milicent.

'You're right,' she agreed, to Pansy's surprise. 'We'll give you two some room.'

Parkinson watched in shock as the two girls left the room.

'What happened to them?' she asked Daphne.

'Believe it or not, they're genuinely worried about you.'

Pansy raised eyebrows sceptically.

'And they know that you won't talk to them, but you will talk to me,' Daphne explained calmly.

'You're saying that these two actually-'

'Yes, Pansy. You should give people more credit,' she explained, clearly irritated.

'Why would I do that?' she asked challengingly.

Daphne sighed heavily.

'You know how it is to be judged harshly,' she said distinctly. 'I know you're one to jump to conclusions as well, but maybe for once think about why is that.'

Pansy didn't want to think about it. It was easier to hate people. It didn't matter who hated her for being a Slytherin or who for bullying them. The fact was – they hated her. It didn't matter why. Did it?

She shook her head, dismissively.

'I don't care,' she said through gritted teeth.

'Sure you don't,' Daphne smiled slightly – as if she didn't exactly believe her. 'So, do you want to talk about it?'

Pansy glared at her, unsure what to do. Daphne's worried features told her she was genuine. She cared about her and wanted to help her. So maybe it would be okay to trust her? She'd never share any of this with Blaise or Theo, never. It was too embarrassing, and they were way too close to Draco. But Daphne...

Pansy sighed as she sat next to her on the bed.

'You know I'm not good at – er – sharing. You know, emotions and stuff. Feelings,' she coughed up.

Daphne laughed heartily.

'Of course you're not, darling. Not many of us Slytherins are,' she admitted. 'This is what alcohol is for. What would you say to a pyjama party?'

'Pyjama party?' Pansy asked sceptically. 'Aren't we a bit old for that? And what about the girls?'

'Weren't you hiding in that Room for days?' Daphne smiled mischievously.

'But what about… him?' she strangled but couldn't say his name at loud.

'He won't be there. I've got connections, don't you remember?'

Pansy finally managed to put on a delicate smile.

'There you go. But before we go, we need to snatch some elf-made wine from the kitchens.'

'How will we do that?' she raised an eyebrow. 'The elves won't give it to us.'

'We'll have to improvise,' she squeaked with happiness and took her hand, leading her out of the room.

'Now, get to classes, and I'll see you after!'

In the evening, they were standing before the painting, tickling one of the pears. It giggled and turned into a handle. They went into the kitchens, Pansy a bit reluctantly, but Daphne seemed very much in her element.

'Hello!'

At the sound of Daphne's voice, at least a hundred of elves gathered around them and asked how they could serve them.

'We'd like something special today,' she smiled brilliantly at them.

The house-elves started suggesting millions of things that they could eat or drink – but it was something else entirely that caught Pansy's attention.

'Wait, what happened to her?' she asked, and suddenly, the uncomfortable silence hung between them.

One of the house-elves sat by the fire, swaying in her seat dangerously. She looked as if she was crying just seconds ago.

'It's Winky, miss,' said a very bizarre house-elf with dozens of hats on his head and two different socks. 'Dobby apologises for her behaviour, miss, but Winky is very sad all the time.'

'Why is she sad?' Pansy asked automatically, out of curiosity.

A few house-elves howled at her words, apparently extremely surprised at the fact that she cared to ask.

'Winky was freed by her master, miss. Winky drinks a lot, miss.'

Pansy shook her head sadly. She didn't know what to make of it. On the one hand, she shouldn't be employed here if she was drinking. On the other, it was hard not to feel sympathetic to this poor creature.

'Winky has better than Kreacher,' said suddenly a raspy voice of a very dirty house-elf. 'At least Winky doesn't have a horrible-'

Dobby suddenly shrieked and shook his fists dangerously.

'Kreacher will not-'

He jumped at him and suddenly, both of them disappeared.

'W-what happened?' asked Daphne, surprised at the unexpected occurrence.

House-elves ignored the question and started listing things they could prepare for them. Pansy looked resignedly at Daphne – she had no idea how to snatch at least one bottle of elf-made wine. But after mere seconds, the two elves reappeared.

'Where did you go?' Daphne asked curiously.

'Kreacher didn't want to, miss, Kreacher has to serve a mudblood lover, miss, that Potter boy-'

'Potter?' shrieked Pansy in surprise.

Kreacher looked at her curiously, and some sort of realisation dawned on his pale face.

'Miss, you have to know, miss, you have to warn the Malfoy boy-'

Dobby stuffed his own sock into his face and started shaking him.

'Kreacher can't, Harry Potter is Kreacher's master, Kreacher can't!'

'What. Did. Potter. Do?' Pansy said through gritted teeth, glaring daggers at both elves.

'Kreacher can't, Harry Potter told Kreacher not to-'

'Harry Potter told Kreacher only not to tell Malfoy! Potter is telling poor old Kreacher to –'

And he was stuffed with a sock again before he could reveal anything more.

Both girls stared at the fighting elves with complete shock on their faces. It was clear they couldn't get anything more out of Kreacher – Dobby seemed stronger and much more dedicated.

'We should go,' whispered Daphne, so Pansy just nodded.

They left the kitchens in silence. It was definitely one of the weirdest situations they've ever seen.

'Well, there goes our wine,' Pansy said with disappointment.

'Are you sure?' Daphne asked with a devilish smile on her face, revealing two bottles from behind her cloak.

'How did you do that?' she tried not to sound too impressed.

'A girl never tells,' she winked.

Pansy Parkinson genuinely smiled, for the first time in days.


	18. The Elf-made Wine

Pansy Parkinson may have hated everyone, but now she tried to focus on something else – on the room she wanted to see. Her and Daphne Greengrass went three times by the unseen until it became visible.

They went in and shared very smug looks. The room was perfect – it wasn't too big but had a big couch with silver cushions and grey blankets, a fireplace and two glasses. It was rather dark, but thanks to some fairy lights, it was quite pleasant.

'Absolutely perfect,' whispered Daphne, sitting on the couch.

Pansy sat next to her, a bit reluctant at first but then it turned out it was one of the comfiest couches she's ever lied on.

Daphne already poured some wine and gave her the glass.

'I wonder what these elves were on about,' she said, studying Pansy.

'I have no idea, but… I have to warn Draco tomorrow,' she replied, looking down on her hands.

'Uh – excuse you – but are you planning to talk to a guy because of who you spent all week in isolation? And you think I'll let you?' she asked furiously.

Pansy looked at her in surprise.

'I have to warn him! You've heard that – Potter's scheming something-'

'It doesn't mean you have to talk to the guy! He's made you feel so terrible that you've literally locked yourself away in this room,' she said with a fire-like determination in her sea-like green eyes.

'It does.'

'You can just tell it to Nott.'

Pansy sighed heavily.

'You don't understand-'

'Try me,' she demanded.

Pansy studied her for a second. It didn't seem like Daphne was going to let this go. She gulped her glass of wine in one go to take up the courage.

'It wouldn't be fair to him. Or me, for that matter.'

'Why?'

'He – uh-'

'Here,' said Daphne, filling up her glass. 'For courage.'

Pansy looked down at the wine. It would sure help her, and it was very good – not too dry and not too sweet. Just how she liked it. She downed a whole glass again.

'There is something between us,' she said finally, realising she wasn't breathing.

'You don't say,' chuckled Daphne, raising her eyebrow.

'I'm saying we kissed but-'

'Wait – what – YOU DID? Why don't I know anything? I want to know EVERYTHING,' she jumped in her seat.

Pansy gave her a warning look Daphne she didn't seem to notice.

'It wasn't like THAT. It was weird and accidental and random and-'

'Sounds scandalous,' she noticed, grinning.

'Oh, would you stop being so gossipy-'

'I'm not! I promise,' Daphne crossed her fingers. 'I'm just excited!'

'A second ago you wouldn't even let me talk to him.'

'And I stand by that,' she said with determination.

Pansy looked at her in confusion.

'Well? Continue!' Daphne tried to hurry her up.

'Well, first time, it was kinda my fault. We were by the lake-'

'Ooh'

'Would you please, stop interrupting me?' Pansy hissed, so Daphne raised her arms defensively.

'And we talked, I felt like he was drifting away from me, so I kissed him. And he kissed me back, but before I could say anything, he just ran away.'

'HE DID WHAT?' she almost shouted, and Pansy thanked the whole line of the Slytherin family that they were in the Room of Requirement and no one could hear them.

'Yup,' she said, trying to hide the pain from her voice. 'He said I should stay away from him.'

'Does it have anything to do with the fact that he now looks like a ghost?' she asked worriedly.

'I can't discuss it with you,' Pansy admitted truthfully.

'Of course,' Daphne waved her hand. 'I'm just asking whether it has something to do with whatever's going on.'

'Yes.'

Daphne nodded her head sadly.

'And then I felt a bit betrayed because he trusted Crabbe and Goyle more-'

'They hate it, you know.'

'What?' asked Pansy in surprise.

'They hate it – doing what they're told, not asking questions. Well, to be fair, they do ask questions. They just don't get any answers.'

'And they still do whatever he tells them to?'

'Yeah,' Daphne nodded. 'They're loyal, Crabbe and Goyle. I've heard rumours that people think that they are afraid of him. I don't think so. They're loyal, and they would never betray him. They may not be very bright, but they are good friends.'

'Well, to him at least,' she added when she saw Pansy's meaningful look. 'Okay, what then?'

'Then, there was this Christmas party-'

'Yeah, what was that about? The girls were surprised you were going with Blaise. They thought you were trying to make Draco jealous.'

'What? No, I went with Blaise because he's my friend. He asked me to go with him since they could bring a plus one. What was he supposed to do, ask Weaslette?'

Daphne snorted.

'Well, Draco got himself in trouble for trying to crash the party. After he left with Snape, I followed him to – er – find him afterwards,' she lied. 'And then, it happened again.'

She took a big gulp of wine.

'It was different. If Blaise hadn't walked on us then-'

Daphne had this annoying grin on her face again. Pansy shook her head in disbelief.

'He said I should stay away from him again and left in a hurry. Anyway, there were a few more situations like that – and for a second, after we drank with the boys, it was even normal – a good normal. But afterwards, he-'

'Here,' said Daphne, filling her glass up again.

Apparently, she was trying to get her so drunk that she was going to be hungover for a week. Even so, she obediently drank the wine.

'I found him at the lake, you know, grumpy and brooding. And he did the worst thing.'

Pansy focused on her shaking hands.

'He left you again?' she asked through gritted teeth.

'Worse – he told me he loves me. But then went on about how it's a bad time and that, and I quote, "you're already too involved, and I have to protect you the only way I can". Then he apologised and then, he left me there.'

Daphne stood up and looked at her thunderously.

'He. Did. WHAT?!'

Even when Pansy didn't look at Daphne, she could feel her rage. She envied her a bit. If she was this furious with Draco, maybe she wouldn't be that heartbroken. Wouldn't hurt this much.

'Oh, that evil, heartless FERRET!' Daphne yelled in anger.

Pansy looked at her, astonished. Calling Malfoy a ferret was rule number one on how to get killed and chopped into pieces in the Slytherin House.

'I promise you if I see his face next time, I will-'

'Please, don't. It won't make me feel better,' Pansy pleaded quietly.

'Are you sure about that? If I turned him into-'

'No, please.'

Daphne studied her for a second with a worried glance. She finally calmed herself enough to sit down.

'Fine. But I will not let him off the hook. He's on my blacklist now.'

Pansy sighed heavily.

'It's just hard you know,' she admitted. 'I shouldn't care, not anymore, but I do.'

Daphne seemed thoughtful for a moment.

'That's what we stole wine for, didn't we? To not care anymore?' she smiled.

'I guess,' Pansy agreed and downed yet another glass.

'Better?'

'Better.'

Both girls smiled at each other.

'Well, there's this thing I wanted to ask you,' said Pansy, suddenly looking all glum again.

'What is it?'

'What are you going to do when the war comes?' she asked rapidly.

Daphne glanced at her, signs of worry on her face.

'I don't know,' she whispered. 'I have no idea.'

'We've talked about it, boys and I. We think the war may start here. At Hogwarts.'

'Why do you think that? And technically, the war's already started.'

'Well, yes, but I mean the battle. And we think the Dark Lord will come here for a cherry on top – when he'll take over the rest of wizarding world. Hogwarts will be the hardest place to get under control. Besides, that's probably where Potter will probably be.'

'I suppose you're right… Look, I don't know. I know for sure that my parents won't fight for either side. I'm not planning on, either. But for some reason, they're not very keen on running away, and I'm horribly scared for Astoria.'

'Why won't they run away?'

'I wish I knew' she sighed. 'But maybe they'll change their mind. Astoria's their apple of the eye so if I manage to convince them that she's in danger, I think we might have a shot at leaving England for… well, until it's over.'

'They wouldn't do it for you?' Pansy asked before she could bite her tongue.

Daphne laughed delicately.

'I suppose they would, but trust me when I say that they would do it for Astoria with much less encouragement.'

'Well, that's a bit sad.'

'Nah,' she waved her hand. 'She's just younger, and they've never quite got used to the fact that she's not little anymore and that she can take care of herself. But enough about that. What are you going to do?'

Pansy studied her for a second, wondering whether she could tell her. Technically, she wouldn't tell her where they'd be hiding. And simple information that they were hiding was useless since, if they had been gone, everyone would be able to figure this out themselves.

'We're going into hiding,' she whispered.

She decided to tell half the truth. It'd be better if she didn't know with whom she was going to hide, even if she could think this out. 'We'll find someplace during the summer, and when it starts, we'll just hide.'

Before Pansy could protest, she gave her a firm, consoling hug. Pansy Parkinson felt weirdly warm and happy at the moment.


	19. Apparition

Pansy Parkinson hated not being productive, but these few weeks she's had were not easy. Thankfully, she managed to get a grasp of Apparition and so she was preparing for Hogsmeade's lesson – a final one before the test she was supposed to take with Theo and Blaise. Draco couldn't since he wasn't seventeen yet. Besides, it was probably better for her – he'd only distract and upset her.

She was walking down to Hogsmeade with Theo and Blaise. It was a surprisingly warm spring day – the sun was shining, and a lot of flowers started blooming already. They were lucky they could attend this lesson since they weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade anymore – because of the war. It was too dangerous to let them wander for themselves.

'Isn't it nice today?' she asked before she could stop herself.

Both boys stopped abruptly, gazing at her with their mouth open.

'What?' asked Blaise. 'What is with you?'

Pansy shrugged, but for the first time in weeks, she felt hopeful. Maybe not happy, but at least she had a good feeling about Apparition lesson.

'Well, I'm allowed to not be depressed once in a while, right?'

The two boys shared surprised looks.

'It's just unexpected, that's all. But it's good you're feeling better,' Theo rushed to explain.

There was a moment of silence, and Pansy raised her eyebrows.

'Oh, so I'm not miserable, and everyone is stunned, but Theo is nice, and we're just letting it slide?'

'It's still more probable than you being nice,' Blaise chuckled, so she punched his arm.

'Now, that is true,' admitted Theo, smiling broadly. 'By the way, since I've completed the daily niceness limit, do you think Weasel will pass an exam?'

He pointed his head towards them, where Weasley and Granger were walking and – as usual – bickering.

Blaise and Pansy laughed ironically.

'Yeah, right, have you seen him in lessons?' she snorted. 'I swear his hair are getting redder, but he still didn't manage to apparate.'

'Wait, what is he doing with Granger?' asked Theo, placing a hand on his heart. 'Lav-Lav is going to be frantic when she finds out!'

'Lav-Lav?' Pansy snickered.

'Oh, yeah. Shame you hadn't heard that. WON-WON WHY DO YOU SPEND TIME WITH HER?' he mocked but didn't think through the fact, that Weasley and Granger could hear them.

Ron turned around, red on his face and hand almost touching his wand, but Hermione managed to stop him.

'They're not worth it, Ron, come on, you've just left the hospital wing,' she said with an unmistakable furious look towards them.

They kept on going to the Three Broomsticks, thankfully not letting this escalate further.

'Well, that was interesting,' Blaise summed up.

They had to refrain from discussing it because they've just gone into the pub almost swarmed with Aurors.

Wilkie Twycross was already waiting for them, as pale and as bleak as ever. They took their places as the Instructor kept talking and talking about the 3-D rule and explained how this additional lesson was going to look like. They were supposed to apparate outside of the pub – near the Honydukes entrance where Aurors were already waiting. They were to go in turns, one by one just like on a real test, but there would be five rounds.

Pansy was pleasantly surprised when she performed almost flawlessly on each try. True, in one of the attempts she left her lipstick behind – but if that was a real test, no one would've noticed something like that. Or so she hoped. And also, in her first attempt, she apparated about five inches left from the Honeydukes entrance. But since the rest was done flawlessly, she was satisfied with the results and was hoping she'd manage to pass the test on her first try.

They were walking back to the castle after stopping in the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer when suddenly Theo turned to face them.

'I hope you know that apparition is essential,' he said with a serious look on his face.

Pansy and Blaise looked at him with questioning glances.

'Apparition is the easiest, safest and fastest way to run. When the war comes... Well, once we find a place to hide, all we'll have to do is get out of Hogwarts' ground and then apparate.'

'Why–' started Blaise, but Theo didn't let him finish.

'Because, Blaise, you idiot. You cannot apparate or disapparate on Hogwarts' grounds. I suppose there will be some sort of evacuation for students if the battle were to break out here, so it should be easy enough.'

The three of them shared uneasy glances.

'Well, I guess we have some sort of plan, then. We should pass on our first try so as not to have any problems later. The sooner, the better,' summarised Pansy and both boys agreed.

'Then, it's sorted out.'

After all of them had passed the test – and absolutely lost it when Weasley had failed it because he'd left half the eyebrow behind – they were sitting in the Common Room. They were ostentatiously ignored by Draco who was sitting in the corner, thoughtfully gazing at the fire. He looked sick – his face wasn't pale anymore, it was an unhealthy shade of grey. The bags under his eyes turned almost black, and cheekbones that were visible before, now were even sharper. He must have lost at least ten pounds. Pansy, Blaise and Theo were watching him worriedly, but he didn't look up from the fire for even a second. Crabbe and Goyle were sitting nearby, trying to do some sort of homework but failing miserably. From time to time, they were trying to ask something, but Draco ignored them. Usually, he helped them, and now…

Suddenly, he got up from his seat reluctantly and left the Common Room, without saying a word. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other, clearly puzzled, but quickly got back to their work, on which they evidently couldn't focus on. Pansy was observing them rather curiously, which seemed to annoy Theo and Blaise a little.

'Oi! Are you even listening?' barked Zabini, waving his hand in front of her face.

She looked at him, clearly confused.

'Daphne said-'

'What?' asked Theo so suddenly that even Blaise looked over at him curiously.

'Daphne said that Crabbe and Goyle hate it when they have to do what he says,' she explained in a whisper so that no one could overhear them.

'Did they finally grow brains on their own?' jeered Blaise.

'I don't think so, as they're still doing it,' explained Theo calmly.

'Maybe we should talk to them,' suggested Pansy.

Nott raised his brows.

'Why on Merlin would we want to do that? What do you want to achieve?'

'I think they're worried about him as well,' she stated calmly, but Blaise snorted.

'You really think-'

'Yes,' she inserted aggressively. 'I really do think even they are capable of human emotion, thank you very much.'

Zabini sized her up with a smirk.

'Look at you, talking about emotion.'

Ignoring him was the best course of action, but instead, she stood up furiously and walked over to them. Theo followed her, but Blaise just shook his head, rolled his eyes and stayed by the fire.

'Hi,' she said and they rose their eyes from the parchment where only their names were written.

'Hi,' Crabbe and Goyle responded, clearly puzzled.

They weren't very talkative. To be fair, they mostly spoke to Draco, but only when there were just three of them. They didn't say much in bigger groups and mostly kept to themselves – maybe not as much as Theo, but that was something they had in common.

'You're worried about him, too, aren't you?' she asked without beating around the bush.

They looked at Theo as if to see whether they had permission to speak up.

'Yeah, we are,' admitted Gregory.

'Does he tell you anything?'

'No,' replied Vincent, looking at Goyle to see if he approves. 'He just tells us what to do, and we do it.'

'Why?' frowned Theo, throwing them off guard.

'What do you mean why?' asked Goyle, clearly puzzled.

'You could just stop complying with everything he says,' hinted Pansy in a calm manner.

Crabbe seemed surprised.

'You mean we're supposed to just leave him alone?'

'Even though he's defensive about it, he needs our help. So we can't do that,' confessed Goyle with disarming honesty.

Theo and Pansy shared a concerned look. Vincent and Gregory were right. Of course they were, and thank Merlin someone like that was with Draco this whole time. It may not have been the support he wanted, but it was the support he needed. Who knows what would have happened if they refused to help? What would happen if they left him alone? What would he do?

Suddenly, the doors to the Common Room opened, and Daphne rushed in, clearly terrified. Her blond hair was dishevelled, and she was looking frantically around the room.

'Pansy!' she cried out and ran towards her. 'Oh Merlin, Pansy!'

'What is it, Daphne?' she asked with a growing feeling of fright in her stomach.

'It-It's Draco!' she bellowed, and so the whole Common Room turned their eyes on the shaking figure.

Pansy grabbed her firmly by her arms to calm her down, but she went weak in the knees herself.

'What happened?' she asked, trying to sound as composed as she could right now.

'IT WAS POTTER! HE ATTACKED HIM!' Daphne yelled, her voice shaking with emotion.

'He did what?!' hissed Theo furiously when the Common Room broke out in commotion.

'He's in the hospital! I went to the bathroom because Moaning Myrtle was going around the castle screaming and there was blood and-'

But Pansy didn't hear the rest. She ran through the door and sprinted towards the Hospital Wing. Pansy Parkinson has never run that fast, not ever.


	20. Sectumsempra

Pansy Parkinson was running so fast she was soon out of breath. When she finally reached the Hospital Wing, she pushed the door with her remaining strength. And then she saw him.

He looked as if he was dead. He lied in one of the beds, with wounds that looked like he had been slashed with swords. Horrified at his state, she had to grab the wall for support. Feeling weak in the knees, she quickly sat down on one of the beds. She didn't even notice Pomfrey's furious look – to be fair, she didn't even know that the healer was there.

'NO. VISITORS.' Pomfrey yelled angrily, as Pansy was leaning over Draco to examine the wounds more closely.

'Oh shove it up your arse, why don't you,' Pansy snapped, not even realising what she was saying. 'I'm staying, end of story.'

Something in her tone or maybe expression made Pomfrey study her more closely. She didn't seem mad or resentful, even though Pansy's been incredibly rude to her. Pomfrey was more… surprised.

'Fine,' she said reluctantly. 'I've just given him the sleeping draught. So if I hear you disrupting my patient, you're out.'

Pansy just nodded and came over to his bed as Pomfrey left the room. All of the wounds were already tended to and closed. But he still looked horrible. She couldn't even imagine what it must've looked like when they were open, dripping with blood. Reaching for his hand, she noticed her own were shaking. She also felt sick, weak and dizzy.

'I love you, too, please be okay,' she whispered.

Tears started going down her face, but she didn't care anymore, she didn't try to stop it. She was just sitting on the floor next to his bed, holding his hand and couldn't stop crying.

She hadn't moved an inch for half an hour when Narcissa Malfoy strode into the Hospital. Her face was even paler than she remembered. She was clearly terrified and nearly ran over to his bed. She resembled her son in so many ways right now. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, bags under her eyes dark, face almost grey, lips trembling.

Pansy let go of his hand and got up.

'Hello. I'll just leave, Mrs. Malfoy, I'll leave you two alone,' she said quietly, not meeting her gaze.

'No, please, Pansy, stay,' she whispered but also avoided looking directly at her.

'I couldn't, you should stay with him,' she pressured. 'I'll be fine.'

Narcissa finally lifted her eyes. They were almost bleak, filled with tears.

'Please, just tell me what happened. The headmaster said it was an accident.'

Pansy snorted in anger.

'It was Potter, Mrs Malfoy. He cursed him. Moaning Myrtle saw this.'

Narcissa's face suddenly darkened.

'Potter, you say.'

'Yes, ma'am. I'm sure he'll be punished accordingly, though. I don't know who found him, but Snape won't let it slide.'

'That he won't,' she said with a sudden self-confidence in her voice.

Pansy knew she was thinking about the Unbreakable Vow but decided against mentioning it.

'Mrs. Malfoy… I just want you to know that he's got a lot of people on his side. I mean, we may not be able to help him but… We try to support him – er – you know, emotionally.'

'Thank you, Pansy,' she said genuinely. 'It means a lot to me. To my son as well, even if he doesn't tell you that.'

Pansy nodded and went for the door.

When she left the hospital, most people were going back from dinner. She felt a sudden rage in her. Potter did this. Did he even know Dark Magic? Knowing him, it had to be an accident, he probably didn't know what spell did or lost control, but what gave him the right to attack Draco? What gave him the right to endanger his life? Wasn't he one of 'the good guys'? He was supposed to be better than to throw spells that make blood gash out of people's bodies. What on Merlin even was that curse? She didn't know it and have never heard of it. Whatever it was, Potter had to pay.

She tried looking for him among the students swarming around the halls, but there was no sign of him. She hoped he was in the middle of a pleasant chat with Snape right now. They probably won't expel him, he was THE Harry Potter, after all. But Snape would give him a detention, possibly until the end of the year. She smiled to herself at that thought.

Then, she stumbled across Milicent and Tracey. They looked at her worriedly but didn't say or ask anything. Pansy decided to do what she did best.

'Hey,' she greeted them. 'Have you heard about Draco?'

Both of them nodded sadly.

'The whole school knows,' mumbled Tracey. 'Moaning Myrtle's been going around the bathrooms telling the whole story.'

'So what is the whole story?' Pansy asked, trying to sound as bland as she could.

'Well – I – I guess Draco was in the bathroom where Myrtle was? I didn't quite catch it,' Tracey admitted, abashed. 'I think she was trying to tell me that he was visiting her, but that's ridiculous, isn't it?'

'Get to the point,' hissed Pansy through gritted teeth.

'Well, anyway, while he was there, Potter saw him, and they started duelling, and then, Potter screamed some sort of weird spell – sectu-something-'

'Sectumsempra,' Milicent cut in, much to Pansy's surprise. It was surprising she would remember such a thing.

'Yes, and anyway, there was blood everywhere, Myrtle started screaming, and so Snape came in-'

'Snape was there? First?' Pansy asked, euphoria too strong to keep it away from the tone of her voice.

'Yes, he closed his wounds, transported him to the hospital wing and when he came back to Potter – we don't know what happened because he sent Myrtle away. But he must've gotten a hell of detention if you ask me-'

'Well, I'm not,' she smiled insolently. 'But thanks, anyway.'

She left the two girls, still gossiping behind her back. Now she had all the information she needed. She stopped every other Slytherin she met and told them the story about how oh-our-hero-Potter cursed Draco and if it wasn't for Snape, would've killed him. Sometimes, she even stopped some Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws if she knew they weren't very fond of Gryffindors. She even thought about talking to Luna but decided it was pointless in the end. She probably wouldn't even know what they were talking about.

She felt vindictive satisfaction. It wasn't the same as facing Potter herself and cursing him with bat-bogey hex – but she couldn't do it as well as Weaslette, anyway. And if the events of last year proved anything, it was that Potter hated being in the centre of attention when not being seen as a hero. And she was going to use this against him the best way she could.

When she got back to the Common Room – Daphne, Theo and Blaise were all sitting on the couch opposite the fireplace, whispering urgently among themselves. They looked at Pansy worriedly.

She sat next to them heavily, as she felt she was drained of all strength. Resting her head on the base of the couch, she closed her eyes for a second.

'And how is it?' asked Daphne quietly, taking her hand delicately.

Pansy looked at their palms in surprise but didn't comment.

'Well – it's bad. I mean, what you've heard from Myrtle is true. Draco was with her at the time, and Potter found him, they started duelling-'

'What was Draco doing there?' asked Theo.

'I don't know,' Pansy sighed. 'But considering how he looked before leaving – he didn't feel that good.'

Daphne nodded with a frown.

'Well, they were duelling when Potter struck him with this "sectumsempra" curse. I don't know this spell, and I have no idea how Potter knows any Dark Magic. I don't want to sound like I'm defending the guy, because right about now I want to strangle him with my bare hands – but I think it must've been an accident on his part. I don't think he'd use it if he knew what it did. Or maybe he lost control.'

There was a silence for a minute.

'I haven't heard of that curse,' Theo shook his head. 'So, what does it do?'

'He – He had over a dozen wounds – as if from a sword or a knife. I've heard that Myrtle started screaming and that Snape was first to arrive at the scene. He closed the wounds and moved him to the hospital.'

'Please tell me Potter's got detention until the day he dies,' muttered Blaise, weirdly quiet for the whole conversation.

'I don't know. But I've seen McGonagall in the halls. I've never seen her so furious, so even if Snape doesn't give him detention until the end of his life, she will.'

All of them nodded.

'So I sat with him for a minute but then Narcissa came, so I left them.'

'And then you started to look for Potter, didn't you?' asked Theo with a shrewd stare.

'Yes,' she said, looking him in the eyes. 'But I didn't find him. So I-'

'Started talking shit about him to everyone you met,' he finished.

'Well, yes,' she admitted, a bit taken aback.

'Not the best play, but I guess a smart one. Potter hates the attention if it's negative.'

'That's what I thought,' she smirked. 'Anyway, I think I'll just go to sleep. I'm done.'

All three of them looked at her, clearly concerned, but she went upstairs without a second glance. She threw herself on the bed and started crying again – for some reason, not being able to stop. Pansy Parkinson fell asleep only when it started getting light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone remembers me, I'm finally back. Things have been crazy, but luckily I found some time to write! The story is nearly finished, so I shouldn't have any more long breaks.


	21. The Truth

Pansy Parkinson was sitting in the hospital wing, next to Draco's bed. He was awake this time and quite well, but Madame Pomfrey decided to keep him for another night of observation. He was to be released the next day. Theo and Blaise were with her, Crabbe and Goyle already left for the private lessons with Snape since they were retaking their DADA O. this year.

Draco looked a bit better now, Pansy suspected it was thanks to the sleeping draught – at least he caught up on some sleep. But apart from it, he seemed even more broken. He didn't want to talk about what had happened. Whenever they tried asking him, no matter how delicately, they were met with silence. So they kept talking about school, exams and homework. Which seemed so trivial that none of them was focused on what they were saying.

After a while, Theo and Blaise went down for dinner, but Pansy decided to stay. She has been sitting with him almost non-stop for the past few days. Since nothing was technically wrong with him, he was only in the hospital so that Pomfrey could check whether the dark magic had some effects on him. And so Pansy was allowed to stay with him, without the healer screaming at her.

They were sitting in silence for a long while. Pansy was staring out of the window. The sun was shining, and a lot of students were lying on the grass, making use of the warm weather.

'Pansy,' Draco said so suddenly that she turned to him, alarmed.

'What is it?' she asked quickly. 'Are you okay?'

'I want to tell you.'

'You – what?'

'I want to tell you the truth,' he said calmly, but his raspy voice suggested how tired he was.

She was staring at him – partly disbelieving, partly terrified.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, I want to tell you the truth about everything. And I don't want you to tell Blaise – not yet. Not… before.'

'Of course,' she nodded.

He tried to get up, but was too weak and lied down on pillows again.

She watched him intently as if she didn't want to miss a single word.

'I'll start from the beginning,' he said thoughtfully, looking at his palms. 'It happened when – when my father failed...'

'But it wasn't just him...' Pansy started.

'It didn't matter, not anymore, not when he had already screwed up with the diary,' he sighed.

'The diary?'

'Obviously, Dumbledore didn't explain it accurately. But when the Chamber of Secrets was opened, it was all because of the diary. My father had it, and it was – uh – it kinda had the Dark Lord's personality? It's hard to explain, but it was somehow essential, and my father had just slipped it to the Weasley girl. So the Dark Lord was furious when he heard about it. He'd never even think that my dad could work without a direct order. Even if he'd thought that he would never return.'

'So… he was already on a blacklist of sorts?' whispered Pansy.

'Yes. And then, the Ministry happened, and he got himself caught. So, as you can imagine, the Dark Lord was not pleased.'

She nodded with a worried expression.

Draco stopped for a second, fiddling with his fingers. Frowning for a second, he seemed to have gathered courage and continued.

'So, the Dark Lord, couldn't let it slide anymore. And he thought – and I'm afraid Bellatrix may have had a hand in this – that the perfect revenge would be to make me a Death Eater and make me kill Dumbledore. All in front of my mother, of course.'

'Did he threaten you?'

Draco snorted.

'Of course he did. Me. My family. Pansy, he's going to kill me if I don't do that,' his voice cracked a bit, his lips trembling.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

'I know why you're doing it. I'm... very sorry, but I have to ask. How did you react when you found out you had to join Death Eaters?'

His expression darkened even more if possible. Pursing his lips and frowning, he stared pointedly at the opposite bed. Pansy was worried he wouldn't say another word.

'I – er- I felt chosen,' he stammered after a few moments. 'I did, and I have to admit it, but I felt it only until he told me what my task will be.'

'You mean to kill-'

'Yes,' he cut in as if he didn't want to hear those words. 'Then and only then did I understand that it wasn't an award. I wasn't chosen. My mum and I were being punished for my father's failure. He never thought I could manage to do that. I was doomed to fail. And then, according to his threat, he will kill my family and me. Then, he will have an excuse to do that.'

'Does he need an excuse?' she asked sceptically.

'No,' he frowned. 'But if he starts killing Death Eaters without reason, he won't have any support. But if he kills after clearly stating why – he spreads terror and they will be even more devoted to him.'

'That makes sense,' she muttered.

'Yeah. And since the Dark Lord could sense my doubts and my fear... Well. That's why I asked my aunt to teach me Occlumency.'

'That's the part I don't understand,' she admitted, looking him in the eyes. 'Why is she doing that? Isn't she his most devoted supporter?'

Draco sighed heavily.

'Yes, she is. But I had leverage. My mum forced Snape to make an Unbreakable Vow. My aunt thought I should be proud to serve the Dark Lord and thought my mum was ridiculous to do something like that. So I told my aunt that I want to hide my thoughts from Snape because he'll want to steal my glory.'

Pansy stopped to consider him for a moment. Should she say something about what she'd heard? It seemed like a good time to find out how things looked like from his perspective. But...

She took a deep breath in.

'But – I'm sorry you're finding out this way – I've heard your talk with Snape. You used those words against him. Do you really think so? That this is something that will bring you glory? Is this why you won't let Snape help you?'

'You don't understand,' he shook his head, ignoring the part about her eavesdropping. 'I want glory from the Dark Lord for one simple reason. If I do this, and if I do this alone – without Snape or anyone's help, he'll see that I'm worthy. If he sees that… He'll let us off the hook. Yes, we'll have to support him, probably even stronger than ever, all three of us, but he'll let us live. We'll be… atoned in his eyes.'

Pansy didn't try to hide tears that were flowing down her face. She also didn't avert her gaze.

'And to be honest, I only needed a few lessons of Occlumency, so it wasn't hard to convince her,' he said after a while. And for a second, the slightest second, he even sounded like an old Draco. Proud of himself, a bit too proud. But his cloudy, absent eyes told her that he was never going to be the same. Never.

'What did you figure out?' she asked a moment later. 'Do you know how you'll do it?'

He nodded slowly and swallowed hard.

'I know. It's just taking a lot longer than I'd expected.'

'What is it?'

He stared at his hands, stubbornly.

'There's this cabinet,' he muttered quickly. 'Remember Montague?'

She nodded as the terrifying realisation hit her.

'You're going to use it to bring them to school, aren't you?'

He didn't reply, staring out of the window instead – but she knew it was the right conclusion. She started shaking.

'When?'

'I don't know. That's the problem this is why-'

'That's why you cursed Katie Bell, and that's why you poisoned Weasley. All of them were supposed to go to Dumbledore, but it was just a desperate attempt, wasn't it, you just tried whatever you could think of because you couldn't fix the cabinet. That's why Montague didn't appear anywhere, he was stuck, because it wasn't working properly, was it?'

He nodded absently, watching the green grounds.

'But how did you manage to curse Bell without being in Hogsmeade and send this mead to Slug-' she stopped abruptly.

He looked guiltily, not meeting her gaze.

'Oh my god,' she whispered with a shaking voice. 'Was it Madame Rosmerta or someone else?'

'Rosmerta,' he confirmed quietly.

'Imperius?'

'Imperius.'

A moment of silence hung between them.  
Draco still didn't look at Pansy, while she was still trembling.

'I wanted to ask you for something,' he said, his voice suddenly firm and clear.

She turned to him.

'I want you to tell Blaise everything when it's time. Theo knows most things, but if he has any questions, answer him.'

She nodded obediently.

'And Pansy, I want you to hide when the battle starts. I want you to run away and hide. And please, remember that I love you.'

Her eyes filled with tears again.

'Don't do this to me now,' she whispered.

'I have to,' he said, his voice breaking. 'Because I don't know what's going to happen to me when it starts.'

Pansy Parkinson hid her face in her palms. She couldn't take it anymore.


	22. The Cabinet

Pansy Parkinson was sitting in the Great Hall, nibbling her food subconsciously. If she thought that the talk with Draco was going to change anything, she was in for a bitter disappointment. He was sitting a few seats from them, also barely touching his food, looking into the distance.

She just wanted it all to be over. And the exams were coming, to top it all…

She glanced at Blaise and noticed he was hardly in a good mood as well. She followed his gaze and saw Potter and Weaslette sitting together and chatting happily.

She rolled her eyes.

'I wonder how he does that, right?'

'What? he asked absently, looking at her in surprise.

She pointed her head the way Potter was sitting. 'He does a bad thing, even regrets it, but still gets what he wants,' she said bitterly.

Blaise furrowed his brows.

'I mean, he got detention,' he said in confusion.

'Oh no, he couldn't play one quidditch match. Which appears to be the reason why he got Weaslette in the first place,' she rolled her eyes. 'Anyway, since I've got your attention, I think we should organise a study group. Exams are coming, and with everything that's going on, we've barely had time for any revision.'

'That's surprisingly thoughtful of you, Parkinson,' sneered Zabini. 'Unlike you, even.'

'I just need something that would take my mind off all of it. And it seems like the most productive and useful way to do that. We should study with Daphne and Theo.'

'Fine,' he said a bit impatiently. 'I guess you're right. It'll do us some good.'

And his gaze rested on the happy couple again.

After dinner, all four of them sat on the couch right opposite fireside in the Common Room with dozens of textbooks around them. None of them was really in the mood to study, but they had little choice in that matter. Exams were coming and, with their ambition, they intended to pass them well.

They started with Potions, but since Daphne didn't study Potions anymore, she decided to take the time to revise Divination that the rest three gave up this year.

'Okay, so I guess with the year we've had, we know Polyjuice Potion, Bezoar and Golpalott's rights more than well,' said Pansy, faking a smile. Blaise and Theo nodded a bit gloomily. 'So what should we focus on?'

'Where is Draco, for example, if Crabbe and Goyle are here?' asked Theo, clearly worried when he noticed two large figures sitting and studying again.

Zabini frowned in confusion.

'He started going there by himself, I guess. He ran out of Polyjuice Potion, and it would be suspicious to see Crabbe and Goyle running around the seventh floor all the time,' he explained.

Pansy tightened her hands on a textbook.

'We were supposed to study,' she reminded them with a strained smile. She was worried too, but if she kept thinking about it all the time, she'd probably go crazy. She had to focus on exams, at least for a little while.

'Fine,' agreed Blaise. 'Name all the ingredients in Felix Felicis.'

'Ashwinder egg, squill bulb, Murtlap, Occamy eggshell, and – uh – and-'

'Powdered common rue,' finished Theo and Pansy glared at him furiously.

'It was my turn,' she said coldly.

'I helped you.'

'I would remember, eventually.'

They glared daggers at each other for a minute.

'Hey, I thought we were studying, not fighting?' Blaise asked with a sheepish smile.

Now they turned their furious gazes at him.

'What did I do?' he groaned. 'Merlin, you're both smart, happy? You'll probably get like E, and you'll be scowling for a whole week.'

Daphne looked over at them, exasperated.

'You really should focus on studying instead of bickering,' she said matter-of-factly. 'And Blaise is right. Instead of jumping to each other's throats, we should address the Erumpent in the room.'

'Which is?' asked Pansy aggressively.

Daphne glared at her until her gaze softened.

'Yes, okay, I guess, it wasn't about the ingredients.'

'And I guess we can admit that we're all stressed out. A tad too much,' admitted Theo.

'See? All better. Now shut up and get to actual work. Please,' commanded Daphne.

Pansy rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. Theo pouted but also remained quiet.

'Great,' smiled Blaise. 'Now that that's sorted out, we can carry on.'

Suddenly, someone burst through the Common Room door. It was Draco. He looked around frantically, apparently looking for someone. When he saw them, he ran towards them.

'Thank Merlin, I found you all,' he said, but his eyes were locked on Pansy.

'What happened?' asked Theo, a bit distressed.

He looked around them, wide-eyed and terrified.

'I did it.'

All of them glared at him for a second.

'You-' started Pansy.

'I fixed it.'

Pansy felt as her hands started shaking.

'I fixed the cabinet.'

'You fixed it,' she repeated weakly.

'Yes.'

There was silence for a long while where everyone exchange glances.

'I have to do it. Now,' Draco spluttered with a shaking voice.

And then they all felt it. That it was the time. It was the time where everything would change, it was the time when nothing would be the same ever again. Everyone somehow understood the seriousness of this situation. The whole group was sitting in one spot, not moving a muscle, just glaring at Draco, worried and terrified.

'I have to go,' he muttered to himself, disbelieving.

He also didn't move.

All of them knew what a terrible situation it was. Draco didn't want to go. He wanted to stay here, with them, study for some stupid exams they were going to take that no one would ever ask them about in their future. He'd like to sit here, chat and laugh with them.

But he couldn't.

He had to go do a terrible thing. Not because he didn't have a choice. Because he got himself into this situation so deep that he now had no way back.

Everyone was sitting in stunned silence. No one knew how much time had passed.

It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered anymore.

Suddenly Draco got up, took Pansy's face in both his hands and kissed her. She could feel his desperation. His sadness. And his hesitation. She could feel all his emotions, but most importantly, she could feel it was a goodbye. She didn't want to let him go, but she had to.

He turned away slowly, but unfortunately, decidedly.

He looked over at all of them. And much to their surprise - threw his arms around them. In normal circumstances, it would've met with general disapproval, snickering, even an outrage. Now, however, they shared a quiet and a bit awkward moment.

'I don't want you to leave the Common Room,' he commanded, looking each of them in the eyes.

'But-' Pansy started.

'You cannot leave this room or else you'll be in danger, and I will not let anything happen to any of you.'

All of them watched him in suspenseful silence as he rummaged through his pockets.

'Here,' he said, giving them three bottles of some golden liquid.

'What is it?' asked Theo, even though Pansy suspected he knew very well what it was.

'Felix Felicis.'

'How did you-?' started Blaise, examining the bottle closely.

'I stole it from Slughorn, the first class of the year.'

'You stole-'

'Yes, of course I stole it!' he waved his hand impatiently. 'I wasn't going to waste this opportunity, was I, not even if Potter suddenly became master in potions!'

There was silence again, everyone watching him intently.

'Then why didn't you use it? Or did you?' inquired Theo, watching intently for his reaction.

'I didn't. It's for you,' Draco explained. 'Four bottles, should be enough for four of you, give some to Crabbe and Goyle. Daphne, share it with your sister if you want to. It should be enough until all of this is over.'

They shared uncertain looks. Did Draco really steal Felix Felicis for them? Pansy wasn't sure it was such a good idea, but both Blaise and Theo seemed to be rather impressed.

Draco looked as if he was taking up the courage to leave the room. But taking even one step in the door's direction was close to impossible. He sighed heavily and locked his eyes with Pansy.

'Please, keep them in check for me, will you?' he asked looking around at Daphne, Blaise and Theo, but his gaze stopped on Crabbe and Goyle for a little longer.

Pansy wasn't able to utter absolutely anything. She was just staring at Draco with big, terrified eyes.

'Don't do anything stupid,' she pleaded weakly.

'I absolutely will.'

And then he just ran through the door and left them in complete silence.

Pansy Parkinson was staring at the closed door now.


	23. The Other Side of the Battle

Pansy Parkinson didn't know how much time has passed. It felt like seconds, but it also felt like hours. She was staring at the closed door as if she was waiting for him to come back, to smile and tell them that he didn't have to do that and that everything was okay. But there was no way out, not anymore.

Tears were flowing down her face, but she didn't even feel it. She couldn't avert her gaze from the door, utter a word or even move a muscle. She didn't even hear anything although in the corner of her eye she saw that the Common Room was one big chaos right now.

'Pansy!' she heard a shout. She finally turned around and saw Blaise's serious and worried face.

She felt like she's just emerged from freezing water. But the problem was, the water was giving her comfort and sense of security and isolation. Now she felt very much aware of what was going on.

She could feel her heart racing, speeding up with each second, almost like it couldn't slow down. It was going faster and faster, making her think it was going to burst out of her chest.

'Pansy, are you okay?' asked Daphne when she noticed that she was shaking.

She wanted to nod but wasn't capable of doing so – she had trouble breathing, feeling helplessness rising in her chest. She tried to inhale, but it only resulted in a weird noise coming out of her.

'Pansy?' asked Daphne again, now evidently worried.

It was so cold and so hot at the same time. Pansy was shaking but didn't understand whether it was because she was freezing, boiling or terrified. Even though she tried stopping it - she couldn't and had no control over it anymore.

She felt sick. For a moment, she thought she was going to puke but at the same time started feeling dizzy and a got a sensation like a literal world was crumbling down on her.

She tried to inhale again but failed. It was like being trapped – like someone took control of her body. Her face started to turn red.

'I think she's having a panic attack!' shrieked Daphne terrified, but Pansy didn't see or hear anything properly. She was more focused on stinging pains in her chest.

Breathing was too painful now, too hard and nearly impossible – she even stopped trying.

'Stand back,' commanded Theo to everyone around, although Pansy heard him like through the fog. 'We have to give her a room to breathe!'

He came a bit closer to her but kept his distance. He focused on her, motioning for her to try to do the same. She stared at him.

'Pansy, do you hear me?' he asked calmly.

It woke her up a little.

'You have to breathe, okay? Do you want to go upstairs?'

She nodded slightly, suddenly feeling cold again. She was trying to breathe through the mouth now, but it made everything worse – it was like trying to take a breath while drowning in the freezing water.

Pansy followed him, even though her own legs didn't want to listen. Barely managing to stay on her feet, she thought she was going to crumble to the ground any second now. When she finally made it to the stairs, she sat down, shaking and placing her hands on the chest as if that could help somehow.

What if I can never breathe again? – a terrifying thought ran through her head, making her dizzy. Theo seemed to have noticed she was slipping again because he pointed to himself so that she'd try focusing on him.

'Pansy, listen to me, okay?'

His mild voice managed to get her attention and so she was able to look at him. All she could see was dark spots before her eyes and tears that hid him from the view. Even so, she nodded.

'It always ends, okay? You have to breathe, and then it will end,' he said calmly. 'Can you do that for me?'

She nodded again, feeling that the tiniest ounce of air finally reached her lungs.

'Focus on something. On my voice, on the stairs, whatever is the easiest for you.'

Then, she could feel a furry creature climbing on her legs. It was Milicent's cat. She could focus on that. She studied the cat – he had short, grey her but it was still very fluffy. He had a green collar with a small, silvery pendant in a shape of the fish. His yellow eyes stared at her calmly, and after a brief moment, he turned around and continued his way down the stairs.

Pansy was looking after him, stunned. Gerard didn't give her a second glance, though. After a few seconds, the cat disappeared behind the corner. She could feel the air flowing in her lungs again with painful stings – but breathing seemed possible once more. She was still shaking.

'Better?' asked Theo, concern visible on his pale face.

She nodded tiredly. The chest stopped stinging, although it felt weirdly numb.

'Do you want to lie down?' he asked.

'Y-yes,' she answered weakly.

She tried to get up but had to catch him for support. He led her to the girls' dormitory and helped her lie down. Theo headed for the doors, but she managed to grab his arms before he left.

'Don't go,' she whispered.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said comfortingly. 'I'll just grab Felix Felicis for you, okay? Should I bring someone?'

'Blaise.'

He nodded and left the room.

It felt like hours that she's been laying there. It was like the limbo – she wasn't sure whether she was awake or not. She was continuously staring at her silver curtains, her mind completely blank.

After a few minutes or maybe days, Blaise and Theo came back and sat next to her bed. She didn't even glance at them.

'Will you drink it?' asked Theo, giving her the bottle.

She took it and looked at it critically. Draco stole it… for them.

She decidedly downed it in one gulp.

'Thank you,' she said, still not looking at them.

'Guess you should thank Draco for stealing those,' acknowledged Theo.

She gathered what was left of her strength and got up. She hugged Theo without a word. Even Blaise – although a bit awkward – felt the seriousness of the situation. He didn't sneer or didn't even say anything but was only watching them with a sort of a sad look.

'It's thanks to the cat, not me,' Theo said, abashed.

'Don't be ridiculous,' she scoffed and lay down again.

They were sitting in silence, all of them aware that this night was going to change their entire lives.

'What the fuck are we going to do?' Pansy sighed.

The two boys looked at her with concerned expressions.

'Exactly what we'd planned,' declared Theo, trying to sound confident. 'We have to find a place.'

Suddenly, they noticed that the sky had turned green. Pansy got up again and stared out of the window.

'I can't see anything' she ground out, frustrated.

'You don't have to. It's the Dark Mark, I'm sure it is,' Theo shook his head. 'They've killed someone.'

Pansy felt tears in her eyes again. She was so terrified. Who could it have been?

'We have to warn-'

'No. The others can't see it in the Common Room, they won't see it through the water. Let's not cause panic. Let's hope everyone in dormitories will think similarly.'

Blaise and Pansy looked outraged for a second, but she eventually had to admit that Theo was right. It would cause panic and even more chaos.

'What if it's...' Pansy tried, but her own voice failed her.

'Dumbledore,' said Blaise and Pansy felt a shiver down her spine.

'It could be,' Theo admitted sadly. 'But we'll only find out everything after they tell us. Draco was right. We must stay here.'

They exchanged unsure glances. Were they just going to sit here? They knew they had to, but it was nearly impossible to sit tight.

Pansy closed her eyes for a second.

'Do you think he could do it?' she asked suddenly.

'No,' they said almost simultaneously.

'Even if he managed to stand with him face to face. No, I don't think he did it,' stated Theo.

Blaise just nodded in agreement.

'But if he doesn't… Snape will have to do it, won't he? Because of the Unbreakable Vow?' she remembered.

'He'll have to choose between his death or Dumbledore's. And forgive me if I don't believe that Snape could even give this a second thought,' Theo said sadly. 'So yes, he will have to do it. Besides, even if he chooses his own death, it would be even worse in consequences. I believe Snape's well aware of that.'

'What's going to happen? Will the school be closed? McGonagall will become the Headmaster? Will we even be back for another year?'

'It depends,' sighed Blaise. 'How bad it will be. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.'

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The blonde hair peeked in with uncertainty.

'Slughorn's here,' Daphne announced quietly. 'He wants everybody down. He's got the news.'

All three of them stood up abruptly. Pansy felt dizzy, and Blaise's chair swayed dangerously. They ran down the stairs. Daphne was right – Slughorn was standing in the middle of the Common Room, surrounded by students.

'Is everyone here?' he asked, and the prefects confirmed.

'I've got terrible and sad news for you,' he frowned, looking around them.

'There was a battle here today,' he continued. 'The Dark Mark was visible above the Astronomy Tower, which you couldn't see from here. But the Headmaster…'

Slughorn stopped for a moment and gave a little cough. It was evident, however, that he was just trying to hide his emotions.

'Our headmaster, Albus Dumbledore was murdered tonight,' he said loudly and clearly. There was a breakout of urgent whispers. Pansy felt weak in the knees, but luckily Blaise grabbed her by the arm for support, and she didn't fall.

'He was murdered,' Slughorn's shaky voice rang out above the whispers. 'By Severus Snape.'

Now it was impossible to stop sudden cries of surprise. Everyone was talking, some of them terrified, some of them shocked, some of them – well, some of them even content. But Pansy knew them. Most of them were children of Death Eaters. They probably knew all about it.

'Severus Snape has fled. The teachers have decided not to close the school tomorrow,' he said, waving his hand to calm them down. He only managed to make them quiet because all of the students were curious about what he had to say. 'And if the School Board agrees, parents will be able to take you from school from tomorrow. But those of you who wish to stay for Professor Dumbledore's funeral will be able to stay. After the funeral, Hogwarts Express will leave from Hogsmeade to take you home.'

After such a commotion, there was complete silence for a minute. Everyone was either staring at Slughorn with their mouth agape or sharing looks with their equally shocked friends.

'I hope that most of you will have the decency to stay. Those of you who aren't able to or don't want to stay-' here Slughorn looked a bit disgusted. 'I wish you all – well, not happy holidays, given the circumstances – but safe holidays. If you are overage and your parents will not be able to collect you from school, please let me know, we will arrange proper transportation for those of you.'

'We're staying, right?' Pansy whispered to Theo and Blaise.

Both of their faces were absolutely blank and pale like ice, but they nodded.

'Are you going to be our Head of the House, sir?' asked a small, Slytherin boy who looked like he was in a second grade.

Slughorn nodded.

'It's yet to be decided if the school opens for another year,' he said calmly. 'But as of now – yes, I am.'

'When will we know if the school opens?' asked Pansy, surprised to hear her own, loud voice.

'I don't know, miss Parkinson,' sighed Slughorn. 'Professor McGonagall has to establish it with the School Board. But I assure you that you will be notified as soon as possible. I'm also sure that most of your parents won't let you go back to school, either way. Then, it will be necessary to fill in some paperwork. I'm sure the forms will be attached to the letter you'll get.'

The silence hanged in the room again.

'I think that will be all for now. I know it's been an eventful night, but please try to catch at least a little bit of sleep.'

The students started to get back to dormitories, and Pansy Parkinson did the same. And – probably like the most of them – couldn't sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Today, an important chapter for me. Seems all the more fitting, since yesterday was World's Mental Health Day. Also, we're unfortunately nearing the end of this story, there's only an epilogue left.


	24. Epilogue: The Funeral

Pansy Parkinson was looking through the window in the Common Room. It was weirdly empty. Most of the students left. Only some of the sixth and seventh years stayed. One of the fourth years tried to fight his mother because he wanted to stay, but she wouldn't let him. Obviously, Pansy wasn't surprised, Slytherin house looked the worst out of the four. There was the least of them. But thankfully, ten people stayed.

She was watching merpeople by the great windows, through which you could see the inside of the lake. They were clearly getting ready for the funeral. One of them was even brushing her hair if it could be called that.

'We should go,' said Theo quietly.

Pansy just nodded and followed him, Blaise, Daphne and her sister out of the Common Room. They went to the Great Hall for breakfast, but no one really ate anything. None of the students or teachers did, so shortly after McGonagall led them to the grounds. They headed for the Black Lake, where the golden chairs were already prepared. Pansy sat at the back with the rest of the Slytherins. No one would've wanted them closer anyway. Either way, they were still getting a lot of dirty looks.

Suddenly, Pansy could hear some singing. She couldn't quite place it and had a feeling that no one hears it but her. After pointlessly trying to find a source, she gave up.

She was so tired, she didn't care anymore.

Then, a lot of guests came. The Ministry delegation showed up sitting at the front. Madame Maxime was even there, and a lot of people Pansy knew the face of but didn't remember their names - like the landlord of the Leaky Cauldron, for example.

After everyone took their seats, the merpeople came. Pansy saw them preparing, but she couldn't imagine they were that devoted. They closed in on the shore and started singing - broodily yet eminently beautiful. Every attendee was staring blankly at the creatures, listening in, sitting in complete silence.

Then, Hagrid came. He was carrying Dumbledore's body wrapped in purple velvet spangled with golden stars. Pansy could hear sniffing and sobbing, but she found herself incapable of crying. She wasn't close to the headmaster, but that wasn't it. She felt sad - but it felt more like the end of an era. It felt like the times where they were safe were irrevocably over. The war started, no one could stop it now, and all she felt was this annoying emptiness and numbness. She watched Hagrid giving the speech, but didn't hear a word. He was crying so violently that nobody probably even understood a thing.

She watched him, her face blank and her mind blank.

What were they going to do? What did it mean? What now?

She looked over by the forest. Hundreds of centaurs were standing in the shadow of the trees. They were hiding from humans, but they were here. To pay their respect to the possible greatest headmaster of Hogwarts – no matter who and how they felt about him.

Suddenly, she heard cries of shock and shifted her attention back to the ceremony. White flames had erupted around Dumbledore's body. They were rising higher and higher as if they wanted to touch the sky. They obscured the body, white smoke spiralled into the air forming the strangest of shapes.

Then, the fire vanished, and in its place, they could see a white tomb. Some people screamed again – centaurs released their arrows, but they fell far short of the crowd.

There was a moment of intense silence, and people started to disperse.

Pansy turned to Blaise and Theo.

'It's time,' she said, and both of them nodded with sour expressions on their faces.

Daphne and Astoria came over to them. The older sister hugged each of them, not caring about their awkwardness. The younger one was standing a few steps back to give them some space.

'Let me know when you find something,' she whispered. 'As soon as I know what our parents will do, I'll contact you.'

Pansy nodded but didn't say anything.

'Of course,' ensured her Theo. 'Just… Be safe.'

'You too.'

They shared a long look before Astoria tugged her sister by the sleeve. Then, both Greengrass sisters waved them sadly and went towards Hogwart's entrance where the carriages were already waiting to take students to the Hogsmeade's train station. The other three looked around each other and headed to the village on foot.

'Have you heard about the tribute when Dumbledore was found on the grounds?' asked Theo quietly.

'Yes,' confirmed Pansy. 'It must have been impressive. He may have been… quirky, to say the least, and a lot of Slytherins may not have liked him, but… You have to be a fool not to see how much he's done for this school.'

Blaise murmured in agreement.

They walked the rest of the road in silence.

They passed The Three Broomsticks, Zonko's which was shut down already, Honeydukes and even Pudifoot's Tea Shop, which seemed weirdly empty. Almost no people could be seen. The weather was annoyingly beautiful – with the sun shining above them and a warm breeze passing through the village. In normal circumstances, it would be swarming with patrons and students.

When they crossed the village and made sure they were out of sight, they took each other by the hands.

'Where to first?' Pansy asked, this time not even trying to hide that her voice was shaking terribly.

'Your parents' decided Theo calmly. 'Mine are a lost cause and Blaise-'

'No,' he answered automatically. 'I… I don't know where mum is. She's always there for my holidays, but… We can just try later.'

All of them nodded and took a breath in.

'Let's go, then,' breathed Pansy.

Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott disapparated, not knowing what the war could bring next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. The end. Or, the end of part one, I hope. There's a possibility I'll return to this story since there is so much material to write about from the Deathly Hallows, especially with the Carrows and Snape being the headmaster. But for now, unfortunately, the story is finished. I have some Dramione written that I'll publish soon and a short Christmas story for December, and A LOT of ideas. I was also hoping to write a Halloween one-shot, but I have no idea if I find time for this.
> 
> Anyway, for those of you who have read and enjoyed this story - thank you so much, and I hope you'll enjoy my new works as well!


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